Don't know what to do.

Hi, I have a son who has a diagnosis of autism. I'm in a happy relationship. We thought for many years about trying for baby number 2. I suffered a 4th degree tear during the birth of my first 7 years ago, followed by a large blood transfusion and then what I feel was quite bad post natal depression. I did take antidepressant medication for this for around 4 years but didn't really make any further fuss about it and got on with life. My son was then diagnosed with autism, and I felt depressed again and again began to take suitable medication. Myself and my partner then decided to try for another baby, I wanted to be a mum again, after years of thought I came of antidepressants and we started trying for a baby. I became pregnant instantly and from the second I found out I was scared and overwhelmed. I am now 9 weeks pregnant and life is unbearable, I am feeling so sad, scared and I wish I wasn't pregnant. I'm petrified my unborn baby will have autism, I know there is an increased chance of around 1 in 5, with a sibling already diagnosed. I am booked in for a termination tomorrow and I just can't make a decision if it's the right thing to do. I feel like I'm loosing either way. My partner desperately wants to keep the baby but also wants me to regain normal mental health as life is pretty unbearable in our house at the moment. I have only spoken to the termination team so far, who are really there to listen and offer the facts of termination. I have spoken to my mum, who is scared for my health and says she would rather have me healthy than a baby. She thinks my mental health is only going to get worse as the pregnancy progresses and she thinks I'm going to be constantly paranoid of the autism with a new child. Please offer some advice, I just feel in an impossible situation. Thank you

[Lindarose12345]

I do hope that I'm not too late. I really think you need to go and see your G.P. and have an honest conversation with him/her, explain all your woes and fears I think that you may feel that this is a step backwards but I think it is the best way forwards and then take it from there. Good Luck and I hope you find some peace of mind, and there is a lot of kind people out there if you need to chat.xx