I'm 22 and married at 18. we had a rocky time last year but we are now stronger than ever. We are back on track getting our first home sorted, even though getting a mortgage has been a complete nightmare.
My family are very supportive, as much as they can be.
I hide everyday with a fake smile and a fake sense of happiness, I don't think there has been a time in my life where I have been happy. My uncle (mum's brother) was killed in a motor bike accident and 6 weeks later my mum was murdered by my step dad. He took me to the place where she died the day before... as a "family outing". This all happened by the time I was 5 years old.
I lived with my mums parents most of my life in Spain! sounds ideal, but to be honest I was so lost and scared - being an orphan and alone. My grandparents are amazing and did absolutely everything for me, I couldn't fault them. I just have a constant fear that I've let them down and used them as they were going to retire before both of their children died. I now look after my granddad who is dying of cancer and other health problems, it just seems very unfair on his life to be in such pain.
I know I am EXTREMLY grateful for the family and husband I have, they are my everything but I just cannot be happy.. I know I am lucky and fortunate but I am feeling extremely low. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, Depression and panic attacks/anxiety. I don't take medication because I don't feel giving myself drugs would be ideal - I have tried but it doesn't feel right.
I've tried CBT but that was completely useless and had to repeat my story every time I went to the session.
I really appreciate any help or advice, I am just at a complete loss