This is my first ever post on here and general on internet. I am so confused and sad. I feel like the more i try to control my life, it gets worse. I have all the things wrong with me. I don't think i am pretty. I am fat and i try so hard to loose weight but i can't seem to control binge eating when i am angry or sad. I get irritated and angry all the time at my family, friends, and my boyfriend. I am so insecure about my boyfriend. If some girl likes his picture, it will make me upset and i will fight with him and make things worse between us. He truly loves me but i only see that he liked some girl's picture or vice versa. My parents are so sweet to me but i feel like i only disappoint them. They don't make me do anything at home and completely support me but i still yell at them for small small things and then feel guilty. When i am angry i said anything that comes to my mind then i feel guilty. My mood swings are crazy. I am very indecisive. I feel like i have no emotion or heart. My heart is made out of stone or something. Sometimes i just don't feel kind or love for even the closest people in my life. I don't have many friends because i am very judgmental and close-minded. I am also very uptight and stubborn. I don't understand myself. I love the people around me and i want to be good person. I want to feel good about myself but i keep disappointing everyone including myself. I am not really being hard on myself as i have no responsibilities or real life problem. I am a healthy and very blessed 22 year old college girl who lives with her family. I really want to be happy and i want to have healthy mind set but i keep messing things up. Everyday i wake up and try to be positive but then as the day progresses i become more and more negative. I cry on every little thing. I am so selfish and stubborn. I ask for everyone;s opinion but i do what i want to do at end. I just want to be normal girl and enjoy my life with peace and happiness. I don't know what to do anymore. I also have huge ego. Please don't tell me to go to a psych.
Any advise will be helpful at this point.
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willshah10
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Hi willshah10 nice to meet you and welcome to the site. Despite what you say I think you are suffering from depression and need to go to your doctor for help.
There is often no rhyme or reason for being depressed - you can have the most perfect life and still suffer from it. Do they have a counsellor at your college you could see? After all if you broke your leg you would seek treatment wouldn't you? It is not a sign you are weak but rather strong enough to admit you have a problem and seek help. Please do x
Hi willshah, it’s lovely to meet you.
From what you have just said it seems you do have a very big heart are care an awful lot about those around you, whether you are judgmental or not.
Trouble is you cannot seem to direct even a little bit of that compassion to the you deep down inside without feeling you don’t deserve it?
It really is human nature to criticize ourselves in very which way, and if you see some of what people in the lime light go through because they always come in contract with good and bad comments, it sometimes makes you wonder how we survive.
It’s a sad fact of life that sometimes we end up pushing people away just because we have expected them to act in a certain way or even just think they don’t understand us and then develop so much fear and guilt thinking we really are unlovable.
This really isn’t so, there is so much out there to help on your journey of self discovery, you just need to want to change.
You cant go on any journey without taking the first step
Counseling isn’t for everyone agreed, but try not to convince yourself its something before having tried it, you don’t want to now, but might want to later in the future.
There are so many self help books around now, all offering things from a different perspective. Youtube is fantastic for getting good ideas, learning to take a step backwards to start understanding some of your feelings and making you realize there is nothing wrong with you that you can’t learn to take control of.
if you ever feel out of control phone one of the help lines, do not try to cope on your own if things ever get to breaking point.
What are you studying at college? Are you passionate about those choices and the direction you are heading? At 22 it is very difficult as there is pressure from every angle to make career choices, some will work out, others may need several changes of direction before you get it right. Nothing is ever set in stone and you really have the power to help yourself more than you believe sometimes.
When you feel you are so uptight, you maybe could just try things like meditation, mindfulness and learning to slow down your heart rate and calm things just a little? A more relaxed you will help slow the mind down a little and help with the negative thoughts that you don’t really want.
Lots of Hugs and it would be lovely if want to stick around here xxxx
Thank you so much for your advise. I read all of the advises y'all gave me and tried to implement it in my life. I feel much more in control of my life. I know that its a life long journey to continue to love yourself and be positive. I feel better and more in control of my emotions all the time. I am still trying to reach to my full potential that i know i haven't reached yet but i have faith in myself now
Nice to hear you sounding a little better . do not have too many expectations though, you may find you are fine one minute and then feel as though you are getting worse the next. Sadly our minds can sometimes work like that and acceptance of this is the key to overcoming those bad times.
In general it seems as winter draws in depression can easily worsen, so it’s the time to keep developing coping mechanisms to help if things go that way.
Remember that sometimes we are all capable of hurting those that are closest to us and can then feel very guilty. Guilt will never help you, BUT it is never too late to just give a little ‘sorry’ now and then, it’s not so much that it lets you off the hook, but having often been on the receiving end of apologies I know how grateful I am when I get one and how good they can make me feel, especially from those I love
You do have an incredible amount of potential, maybe it’s not a question of reaching it, rather than always working towards it. Life always has so much to show us, so for the whole of the time we are living we are always moving forward, so you will never really know what your full potential could be? Perhaps our goal in live is to just try and enjoy the journey as much as we can and feel good when you see the kindness in yourself as you have move than you think sometime
You take care and keep letting yourself know how nice you are
I know how you feel, I have been in a similar position.
Can I point out that you contracdicted yourself? You said you don't feel love for people and you have a heart of stone, but a few sentences later you stated that you love your family... It is human to care and have feelings for those closest to us. I just think maybe you are confused about how to handle emotions. I have been the same throughout my life - I can become overwhelmed and it's not an uncommon thing. I believed I was selfish etc when I lived with my parents, but now I see I'm actually not a selfish person at all. I often put my partner first and I do things for him, so I can't possibly be selfish. I have a tendency to take things extremely to heart and this can cause probelms and I try my best to keep it mind so I don't over-react.
I find it hard to trust people because of my relationship and friendship experiences. I find it really hard to trust and because of this my life has been lonely at times.
I think you are maybe struggling to deal with emotions. I think in order to cope with this you are putting yourself down and emphasising the flaws you have. Everyone is flawed - some people are overweight, some are too skinny, some have perfect weight but hate how slim their hips are etc. Nobody loves their body (only egomaniacs do but they have other problmes to deal with!).
Personally, I am confident with my body when I am slimmer, but lately I have put on weight and I am between sizes, it's so hard to find new clothes!
But really, I havelearned how to deal with emotions a bit better over the last 6 months. I have learned a lot about myself and that has gone a long way for me.
Maybe you can sit ad talk to your mother of partner? Explain that you feel angry all the time. I used to be angry an dupset constantly and it wore me out. You may find that talking things out gives you a sense of relief xx
I never do ths but Im going to take you on point by point...deep breath! Oh and Well done asking for help, that can be hard in itself
1) I feel like the more i try to control my life, it gets worse. My advice GIVE UP, STOPPITT, you cant control anything thats truth unfortunately but you can stack things in your favour. Right now your brain is on a loop I can hear it in what you write. You need to stop that loop so LET YOURSELF OFF, say to yourself...I GIVE UP and for a few minutes feel the relief of that. Thnk Im not going to do or try and control anything or solve any problems. Just rest, listen to music, watch a fill TAKE THE DAY OFF. When your mind is quiet you will move much faster
2) I don't think i am pretty. Everyones pretty if you look at anyone for any length of time you will see something beautiful and get this, I know you know this but we have all met nasty people who look picture book perfect, but once you know they are awful they just look aweful to you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it shines from with in, but that isnt what sells magazines. The fact you have a partner shows someone finds you beautiful so no problem there.
3) Losing weight is about fun you need to find the fun, if you feel brave enough go dancing, Ceroc is easy friendly and people do on their own without a partner, the music is pop and its real fun. If you can bare the thought of dancing, think what you loved as a kid, roller skating, skipping, cycling, find the inner child and indulge it, there will be a group somewhere in your area doing something you love. Forget diets, forget losing weight do something you love and the weight will drop off. Also right now as soon as you feel well enough try and go out for little walks etc, being outside will do you good ease your over actve mind.
4) I get irritated and angry all the time at my family, friends, and my boyfriend. You need to sort this, anger is very complex and you dont need it in your life, believe me I know Ive been there. Go to councelling try and workout what it is and how you can frame it so it lessens, it doesnt add value. same goes fo jealous, ts about being sure of yourself not what hes doing, you can get rid of or seriously downgrade/ limit that with help. You dont need these things in your life, you can get rid of them.
5) He truly loves me - the golden goose rght there so many people dont have someone to love them, youre so special you do, enjoy him, enjoy your love its what life is about. I know you feel bad but notice the good things, build on them.
6) Parents ALLLWAYS make you feel 3rd grade useless, want the truth the truth is they love and actually they dont feel like that about you at all, but they arent going to tell you how wonderful you are. How your turning up made their life not just wonderful but amazing, but they know. Parents Im afraid are fallable like the rest of us, make mistakes, have insecurties, theyr Love you, they will forgive you anything, they know your talents and sometimes they get a head of themselves wanting those talents to shine. Let them off, they are just giving out the wrong signals by habit and mistake, its all ok.
7) Sometimes i just don't feel kind or love for even the closest people in my life. - Youre being Waaaay too critical of yourself and too hard on yourself, if your bestfriend spoke to you like that first youd think "I feel so sorry for her", next your think"if only she could see herself the way I see her as wonderful". Be your own bestfriend.
8) I don't have many friends because i am very judgmental and close-minded.Statistics most people have 2 maybe 3 truly good friends Youre doing okay. Casual friends will come when your feeling in a better place. You only react the way you do because your trying to cope without having the tools. Its all okay, try to go easy on yourself for now. You have a whole life time get friends.
this last bit...You are being hard on yourself, its okay to feel bad, its okay to be depressed you dont have to have been abused for it to be valid, but Angel you do need help. All these things you can find answers for and coping skills. If you went to see a councellor they would just help you in the way your parents cant rght now, see them as a mentor. 22 is so young you have soo much to learn and things will get better.
I am not really being hard on myself as i have no responsibilities or real life problem. I am a healthy and very blessed 22 year old college girl who lives with her family. I really want to be happy and i want to have healthy mind set but i keep messing things up. Everyday i wake up and try to be positive but then as the day progresses i become more and more negative. I cry on every little thing. I am so selfish and stubborn. I ask for everyone;s opinion but i do what i want to do at end. I just want to be normal girl and enjoy my life with peace and happiness. I don't know what to do anymore. I also have huge ego. Please don't tell me to go to a psych.
You have a good foundation a councellor will help you build on that and get rid of the anger and the jealousy and build on the love, give you coping skills. You may need to back that up with reading books or going to workshops but your life can improve in leaps. The way you react now is because your struggling not because your stubborn mean or anything else, your scared and overwhelmed thats all.
Move slow, move when you feel ready, resolve soon to look at the Sun and the Stars, you have a great life a head of you, you just need a little help now. No shame it that, we all need a hand up sometimes.
Hello and welcome to the site. I can't add anything that hasn't already been said by my friends here, but please stay and chat and get to know us all x
Thank you everyone for taking the time out to read this and for giving me honest advise. I read them right then but i wanted to see if i can put them in action before replying to y'all.
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