I feel so dissatisfied with my life

[CDeutschmann]

I'm writing this because I'm hoping that it allows me to express whats going through my head without it getting too much. I have suffered with depression for a while and it keeps getting worse, I've recently had the implant put in (October last year) and have really noticed that my outlook on the vast majority of my life has changed and become pessimistic. I feel constantly drained and sad, like my life has no real purpose or meaning. My job doesn't make me feel fulfilled and I hate feeling like a cog in the wheels of one giant boring company but I cant quit, I don't have the means and I have bills to pay. My boyfriend has left me to go on holiday with his family for nearly three weeks (which I now doesn't sound like a long time) but I really feel like im not coping, I keep feeling like i'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown and I'm starting to really worry about myself.

[Olderal]

Don't worry, just cut some of the introspection. A little is good and goes a long way ,too much introspection is bad. What implant ? I've been after a brain transplant or implant for years and did n't know they were available yet. Maybe in Germany ?

I'm 73 and had numerous episodes of depression and I suspect for all of us each one seems worse than any we've had before. Whether they really are I don't know.I suspect not.

You'll cope and won't have a breakdown. we usually do. Get into a few real page turners or can't-stop-watching Dvds ,anything to give your mind a short holiday from depressive thoughts.

Large boring companies and lack of job fulfilment are unfortunately becoming the norm and you have my sympathy. One solution is to run your own business when to some extent you control the company ethos although I realise this is not possible for everyone.

Based on my experience I suspect you are coping far better in everyone else's eyes than you think you are. Depression is awful but don't let your mind trick you into thinking you are doing less well than you are.

Hopefully you've consulted your GP as serious depression is almost impossible to fight without help , and if any help you've been given is n't working after 2-3 months ,go back and demand a different treatment. Treatments for depression are a bit Try it and see.

olderal

[Hidden in reply to Olderal]

Hello Olderal

How are you what on earth has happened here, I popped in and the site has become, mixed up

BOB

[CDeutschmann in reply to Olderal]

Im just trying really hard to keep my mind busy but everything that I do seems to make me more aware of how insignificant and small my life really is; I cant even ride the bus to work without looking outside and wondering if all the people I see realise how unimportant the things they're doing are.

All I can think about is how meaningless everything is. There is a part of me that keeps myself from going absolutely nuts and I have to remind myself that I have a purpose and that my life has meaning even if it is insignificant in the grand scheme of the world and universe.

The implant is for contraception, one of the side effects is depression which worries me since I am already akin to having bouts of depression and have been for about 6 years.

I'm quite a social person but my personality is very strong and I struggle to make friends so my social group is very small and since I have just moved into London from the area I grew up in, away from my parents, family and friends. I'm completely alone and I feel like it's really affecting me in a negative way.

[Olderal in reply to CDeutschmann]

Don't take this the wrong way but of course your life is insignificant and small. Just like everyone elses's life. If there is a point to human existence no philosopher , scientist ,or sage has ever found it that I am aware of. Does there have to be a point, maybe we just "are" without a reason.Like rocks, planets , stars and chewing gum.

Don't worry about it , you can't solve it. Even if we hypothesise a reason for the human race such as that at some incredibly distant point in the future the human race saves the universe from an all pervading evil force, I could still turn round and say "So what". Does it matter ? Of course not ,and we're talking big stuff here.

Don't worry about the implant, for all we know you may have a type of depression that the implant helps to negate.I'm just relieved that no one has sneakily developed brain implants without telling me.

Your alias sounds a bit Germanic so I'm not surprised you have a strong personality. That's why youse guys are good at penalty shoot outs and we are rubbish. Loneliness affects most,not all ,in a negative way but you sound quite young which probably means you are going to be successful in working at overcoming this.

Don't forget , not too much introspection and my good wishes.

Olderal