Shes gone..

[cruza]

I feel so lonely and depressed. My girlfriend of 5 years just moved out..its been months in the making but when I came home to see her stuff gone, it hit me in many ways I can't imagine.. I started tearing up. People tell me to just move on, meet other people and so forth..but I feel it's not what I truly want. I love her so much.. The hardest part is when the distractions go away, and you lay in bed thinking/depressed in silence..

I try to understand it from a different perspective..We met when we were young and have lived with each other since. So I feel it was just bound to happen that..we ought to give ourselves space and time apart to just put ourselves first.. In this case, she wants to just put herself first, better herself, and just be alone ..

With this in consideration, it's hard for me to completely accept that it's over..maybe it's over for now..but I am still hoping we could work it out again. She's become such a huge part of my life..and now that she's gone I feel so out of place, so lonely..so sad..

[Hidden]

HI as you have posted in a depression site I presume you are depressed and it is interfering in your life? Depression is a serious illness so if you haven't already you need to seek help from a medical professional.

[Delzek]

Depression after a break up is I believe pretty damn normal,but if you start getting dark thoughts seek help talk to someone ,there are plenty of numbers you can call anonymously just to talk! I have been there I know what its like mine was after 22 years+ I have at least got the next best thing to being her partner she is now my Best friend, I arranged to meet in a public place after our breakup (there was no reason to do that as there had never been any abuse during our relationship physical or otherwise ) we talked about the breakdown of our relationship and both (She)of us decided to remain friends! To be honest its just the same as being together without living together (or sex) I think when people get into a relationship after a while we take advantage of each other we Expect too much and we lose the art of Communication! Try to talk to her

[cruza in reply to Delzek]

Thank you for your support. The sad part is that she was my best friend..we talked about everything, even now. The sad part is witnessing them change. I understand she just wants to do her own thing, doesn't want a relationship..and I feel she just wants to abandon me, doesn't want to be bothered by trying to be here for me emotionally nor physically. Well, she is still here for me..but I guess just doesn't want to be burdened by walking me through our breakup.. she tells me to just move on, the hardest part for me is grasping the fact that is it really over..I feel that she is the one for me and I could never love another like her. I haven't been specific into the details of our relationship which would change a lot of things people might think .. I'm still clinging onto hope that one day we could work, after she's finally happy bettering herself. But I'm sure for now it's not going to, and it's gotten to the point that it annoys her. Even calling me "obsessed."

[Olderal]

Your reaction to a break up in a long term relationship is normal. The good news is that the hurt will lessen with the magic factor of time. Secondly human biology is such that the odds are you will meet someone eventually you love as deeply and hopefully they will also love you deeply and the relationship will endure.

Once your pain has lessened it is probably woth contacting your ex amicably to find out what caused her to leave. It might save you future mistakes and there is always the very,very slim chance that she discovers she had a deep love for you now that you are separated. Don't hold high hopes of this however, its rare.

just be patient and let time work its magic and I do hope that things work out well for you.

Olderal

[cruza in reply to Olderal]

Hi thank you for taking the time.. we do keep in contact, what was tricky is that we were still living together, even when we really weren't together.. It was only very recently she's moved out. Yesterday we went out to eat, came back here and tried to talk.. I feel she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, what's clear is that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.. She just wants to continue going to school, she's met new friends, wants to just put herself first.. I understand her position. The hardest for me is closing the curtains and accepting if it's really over.. she says she won't promise we'll ever work again.. but I'm still clinging on to any hope we could.. even after her actions have proved that it really is. I know there are plenty of women out there..I just don't feel the same trying to start anew with someone, I feel sad remembering simple memories together with her.. I guess the best, healthiest next course of action is to just let her do her own thing, as I will. It seems so easily said, but the heaviest for me are the lingering thoughts of whether our chapter is really over..and if in the future we could be again..it's so painful to think it really is..I love her so much.

[Olderal in reply to cruza]

You sound pretty sensible about it. I read recently that whoever said "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" did n't know what he was talking about because its so painful but give it time. You've plenty of time to love again and again after that and the odds are some of those might be better than what you have lost, but I would n't expect you to agree........ yet.

olderal

[cruza in reply to Olderal]

It really is painful.. Its been such a roller coaster ride. A few months ago, I had to take 3 days off from work, initially when she told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Needless to say the pain didn't just stay in those 3 days.. But as I mentioned, we still were living together, after the fact. So it was like a bandaid that she was still around..but when she finally took her things out our room, it hit me even more. Just looking at the empty space she left makes me sad, even the alfredo sauce in the fridge that we never got to use .. It's sad spending a chunk of your life with someone, and then they change on you, make you feel you don't matter anymore, especially at such a low point in your life. She was also my best friend, I sort of expected her emotional support through this but maybe that's being too entitled..especially at a time where she feels "I just need to be selfish."

[Delzek in reply to Olderal]

I disagree "it is better to have loved and lost" I have been in Love ,still am,with my ex Ok she Loves me But "is not in Love with me" I have never understood that until recently. I am so Glad to have experienced that feeling of Loving and being Loved back! Thankfully we have both remained Friends and Love each other unconditionally although she is not "In Love" with me. It is difficult to accept but worth it just knowing that You are there for them and They are there for you! I only have one ex girlfriend (she was a short term/rebound 35 years ago) that I am not friends with now .I even went to an ex,s wedding 10 years ago With my now ex, Life is too short to be bitter or vengeful its as they say "Better to have Loved and lost" than never to have Loved at all ! And there is a big difference between Love and sex !

[cruza in reply to Delzek]

Maybe that truly is the case.. "Just be glad it happened." But unfortunately as of now, the memories only serve as a painful reminder..I can't appreciate them and smile currently at this point..it seems it was all for naught if we couldn't continue making more..if that makes sense. Yesterday we went out to eat together and talked a little bit. She told me she'll always be here for me, but just not intimately together. That we just need to grow more, and focus on our own things. The thought of this gives me an inclination of hope that maybe in the future we could be again..but it also serves as a very heavy commitment into holing on to something..that might not even work at all. She says she's really not looking for a relationship atm, but I fear the day she might meet someone new.. We keep in touch. Actually I'm seeing her later again. We want to remain friends and be there for each other. It really is bittersweet for me..because I'm torn between just focusing on myself and moving on, to trying and maintain contact as friends. Someone once told me that the best thing to do is to just try and forget about her completely..at least for now until you feel comfortable looking at their face without crumbling inside. Then and only then, could you be friends with them. It's so damn hard...it's like I still want her around even if it's just to go out and eat or what not. At least there's some semblance that she's still apart of my life.