Depressed

I'm so depressed to the point I can't sleep after I smoked a blunt . I got family but no one knows how to love because my my never knew how to show us . So have stubborn and selfish siblings. I know I'm stubborn to but damn its bad. Me n my ex been on and off for 6 yrs he the only person I ever told a lot bout my self. I dnt trust my mom that's how bad my trust issues is . I recently was doin well without contacting him but he found a way to get close again I dnt think he loves me fuck I dnt even kno wat love is my self and hurt so much too even say something like this but he been the closest thing I have . Now I drawn back old feeling that been killing me . He says he want to b with me but actions show sum thing different . I don't kno wat to believe or do. I can't eat or sleep. I kno it bad cuz I usually take xtra shifts or work even harder at work to take it off my mind but today was the 3. Day I ask to leave early it's been saying on me heavy.. I kno God is always with me but it's hard Cuz for the first time in my life I just need sumbody !

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7 Replies

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  • Hello and welcome Beauty, I'm sorry you are feeling so alone and lonely. A lot of us on this forum are feeling this also and we can help each other out. You can come on here almost ant time and someone will respond. I will warn you to clean up your language a little as some will be offended and to watch the self medication. I'm glad you found us. Pam

  • Thank you and ok I will

  • Dear Beautifu.

    I went through a difficult childhood my mom loved us to bits but she went extremely psychotic and just like you it doesn't leave much for us to hang onto.... As I grew past teens it was still there as angry as ever the girl i was with for 2yrs I couldn't commit to we broke it off two or three times before she found another boyfriend and that made me jealous and angry . I was 21 then and lived with my psychotic but stable mother, i became desperately lonely and in the end plucked up the courage to go and talk to someone who had worked for my father as a temp , I wasn't brought up in a religious background and had never been to Sunday school or church except with school , after chatting she arranged to meet me at a local church youth club and was introduced to so many people my age and one or two years younger, after a Few weeks I went along with them to church ( C of E ) where I was made welcome and led through the simple service..Before I knew it I was being eyed up , I went out with one girl and then another who on that evening said that her friend ( the two had been hanging round for a while ) really liked me so i met her friend and that was the start of 48yrs of marriage . Unfortunately we don't go to church any more except for special occasions ............BUT , I had gone from knowing NO ONE to having 50+ friends within two weeks ........

    BUT it's you that must break the circle of your unhappiness .

    From the background I came from and the people I was amongst going to church was not in our family and I did get taunts from my dad and brother but all in all I learned a good standing in life and although we rarely see any of these friends now ( they are all so genuine because of their belief system ) it's so easy to keep up with them on face book. You have my deepest sympathy , I never knew that I could be in such a complete family .

    58wilfre58 x

  • My thoughts are with you

  • My Family were very much the same and I was forced to address the situation when I became a Pensioner. I disappeared and moved to a new area. Sad to say I even refused to tell other relatives as well in case something was let out by error. Now I have no family and I do not know if they are alive or dead.

    Personally I would suggest you move on and start again, if possible.

    Do not feel frightened of change, change sometimes may be needed. We get older and need to consider our needs, to act on those. I found all very liberating and my depression is now only effected by my Chronic Health Conditions.

    Whatever you decide stick to it, without negotiation.

    BOB

  • Thank u so much feels so much better lknowing I'm not alone..WE GOT THIS

  • Hi Beautiful,

    It's hard having friends and family in your life and still feeling alone. To get through the period you are in is going to take courage and effort but you will come out stronger on the other side.

    What are you doing to assist with your condition?

    Rick1on1

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