Starving for love

[Iluvhorses]

Hello everyone! Ive sort of written about this before, but i wasnt shown enough affection when i was growing up and now im starving for it. I dont want to go looking for it in the wrong places because i know guys will try to take advantage of me if i do. What are some healthy things i can do to satisfy my craving?

[tofler]

Some guys would try to take advantage of you, but not all guys. I can understand your reasons for being cynical and mistrusting though. Do you have many friends? Would developing a bigger circle of friends maybe help? Do you have any thoughts about if you long for affection from males or females? I wonder if feeling like you belong somewhere (e.g. to a group, club or circle of friends) might possibly help. Feeling like we belong somewhere is important, apparently.

[Iluvhorses in reply to tofler]

I crave affection from a man. I have a circle of true friends from a Christian fellowship at my school. Im also part of the equestrian club.

[tofler in reply to Iluvhorses]

Ok, do you think it's a relationship that you're after, or would a platonic friendship with a male be ok? Is physical contact important, are you wanting someone who will hold and cuddle you?

[Iluvhorses in reply to tofler]

I want someone to hold me tight. Im not ready for a relationship, but a brotherly love would be fine.

[tofler]

Do you mean, not ready for a sexual relationship? It sounds like you're ready for some aspects of a relationship but that you have boundaries and are only prepared to go so far at the moment, which is absolutely fair enough.

[Iluvhorses in reply to tofler]

I dont know. I guess all i can do is surround myself with the right people and then the right guy will come around when the time is right.

[tofler in reply to Iluvhorses]

That sounds like a good attitude and plan to me. A relationship will often come along when we least expect it, because we're busy concentrating on other stuff and getting on with our life, rather than deliberately searching for a relationship.

[sweetiepye]

Did you have any mothering from a woman ? I know about uncle -dad , but were you with your Mother at all ? I'm trying to get a sense of what your very early life was like. Men can parent very well but not all give the hugs etc. The same can be said of women also. I 'm thinking doing something with a grandparent figure might work. Most older people are very lonely and can use a young person for so many things...company, shopping, errands, small chores and they have plenty of love to give. If you have a Pastor ask about this or your spiritual leader at school. They would probably have dealt with something like this before. You are such a smart girl, you love horses, you are kind in your answers on site , obviously you are strong 'I'm thinking of what you have been through'. I admire you so much, my dear little sister in Christ. Pam

[Iluvhorses in reply to sweetiepye]

My mother lived with me until i was three before she had to move out (court orders). After that my grandmother helped raise me until i was seven and then she moved because my uncle had a good handle on things. I only knew two of my grandparents both of whom are dead. I dont know where the other two are or if theyre even alive because my real father has never been in the picture.

[sweetiepye]

I have noticed unstable beginnings in life seem to make you or break you. My Father died when I was 5 and my Mother was a monster so I know that craving for love. At the time I was 18 , I didn't recognize it and married a 24 yr old who totally dominated me , but I thought it was love. Fifty odd years later i still haven't experienced that warm caring fun kind of relationship. Now , I realize I probably never will. I stayed because of children and more so because I didn't think anyone else would want me, You hear that often enough you tend to believe it. I wish I had been a smart girl. Pam

[Iluvhorses in reply to sweetiepye]

Dont lose hope. God can do anything he wants. Heck ive heard of a couple that got married at 85 and i know you were never stupid because that word does not exist in heaven. You just made bad decisions which we all do.

[sweetiepye in reply to Iluvhorses]

Hope I'm a hottie at 85. Of course an 80 year old man shouldn't see that well. I'm going younger this time.

[Iluvhorses in reply to sweetiepye]

Hey whatever works for you

[Amy-Grace in reply to sweetiepye]

I had similar upbringing. Ditto the marriage. My mum did same before me until she dropped dead in front of me aged 51, I was 14. Other people say I've had a very difficult, sad life. Eventually I found the affection I craved later in life. But I've still got PTSD, Depression, Fibromyalgia with symptomatic MS to contend with (all have been found to have the same psychological roots and backgrounds linked with other women and then develop same physical and mental illnesses). Interesting! I'm loved and well cared for. And reasonably happy.

[Iluvhorses in reply to Amy-Grace]

Im happy for you

[Photogeek]

Hi there I luvhirses it's always very hard when we didn't get enough love as a child, but it us very common. I grew up in a good enough home, but my Mother was not the hugging type and all my life she never hugged me or anyone else in my family either except my brother. But I had a good relationship with her and my Dad.

What I'm trying to say to you that no one has an ideal childhood but don't let that stop you from having a great adult life. I too love hugs and yes I probably don't get enough hugs but life is never perfect or ideal.

You love horses and pets. Can give such love to as well, you are a lovely kind and intelligent girl so take it easy and don't rush into any wrong type relationships.

What's really good fir that unloved ( would love a hug) feeling is self care and pampering, enjoy your bath or shower and enjoy the feeling of water on your skin, put body lotion n afterwards and the massage element of that will feel great. This needn't cost a fortune but try it and get in touch with the sensuality of your own body and that will make you feel loved. Go for a body massage if you can afford it as it's fantastic.

Hope some of this helps you. Mind yourself and be kind to yourself.

Hannah x

[Iluvhorses in reply to Photogeek]

Thank you.

[Rick1on1]

Hi iLuvHorses,

I wonder if this might help.

We are all such different social animals and if you can figure out what kind you are or want to be, you can start taking steps towards that.

Think about the type of people you want to have around. Not their looks or status but rather their intellect and the emotional bonds that they develop. These are the aspects of friends and ultimately partners that matters most when you are old and grey.

You obviously want meaningful bonds, so be on the lookout for paths in your life that will help with meeting such people.

You might need to get out of your comfort zone to try something new but think of it as an opportunity to grow.

[Iluvhorses in reply to Rick1on1]

Thank you for your advice. Could you please give me an example of "something new?" Thank you.

[Rick1on1]

You are welcome! With the little bit of information I have, you need to be around people who are considerate, thoughtful and who take life slow and easy.

Avoid groups who are materialistic and ambitious as that type is more about what they can get from others.

So, I'm thinking women groups and book clubs. If you enjoy nature, a hiking club or maybe something that gets the adrenaline going like go-karting or ATV's (all terrain vehicles).

Volunteering is a great way to be around caring people and giving something back. It helps you to contribute and the rewards for this will be great for your mental health.

Also think of taking a long part time course in a subject like philosophy or anthropology. You are bound to meet some thinkers here.

I hope this helps?

[Iluvhorses in reply to Rick1on1]

Thank you. Im in college where ive joined a few clubs and have some good friends. When i have time i volunteer at a horse rescue and its so much fun.

[Rick1on1]

Then it's a matter of patience, I'm afraid. Keep yourself open to a relationship and it will happen. Good luck!