I daren't ask what next!

OK, a bit about me, I am 57 years old and up until earlier this year cared for my mum, she sadly passed away in May. I said to my husband I should go out and get a job instead of dwelling on things at home, he said no need, he earns enough, we don't need the money. Let's whizz through to early September when he announces he has been seeing another woman since the beginning of August! I feel like it's 37 years of marriage down the drain, he left home (and indeed, I didn't want him to stay). Now I have got to start my life all over again. I am buying a house about 4 hours from where I am now (and therefore 4 hours from here where my son, wife and children live) and up sticks taking my 19 year old daughter with me, she (and of course I) will have to get a new job. I am using money my mum left me and dragging all my pensions out to afford a roof over my head (am currently in private rented property which of course my husband is paying for at the mo as I have no income). My husband is getting all uppity saying HE can't afford a house, I am trying to be adult about all this but sometimes, just sometimes, my inner child escapes and causes a horrible row - please tell me things will get better, at the moment I just can't see it. I will have to leave all my friends and everything I have known around here and I see a big scary world looming towards me :(


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7 Replies

  • Hi tina im so sorry to see how much youve been through the loss of your mum must have been devastated i lost my mum last September im finding it hard so i truely know how you feel and your husband dropping the bombshell and at the time he did so you were if i can say fragile im sorry but if your husband cant afford to help you with housing costs he should have behaved himself as it not you has done anything ! I think what your husband is more bothered about is if you made the division of assests official thats not your problem ! Please take care and all the best david

  • Thank you David, I really did not see his bombshell coming, I have to say. Yes, he went away on business a lot, but I always trusted him... I even helped him pack for his last trip at the beginning of September, albeit he wasn't going on business he was going away to her. He made out the flight was delayed and texted to say when he was boarding! I asked outright via text the next day if he was having an affair (as he had bought loads of new clothes recently and was desperate to lose weight (allegedly for health reasons, obviously now, it's apparent he was losing it for someone else!) and he answered yes he was and that he would come home and discuss things that afternoon and that he wasn't abroad. I think I am over the initial shock now and have calmed down and have to do what is best for my daughter and myself, now I am just angry with him, in a way I kind of feel numb, I am getting through each day because I have to, but sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and want the world to go away.

  • Hi tina please dont curl up in a ball your way to strong to give up please get out socialise with your friends. That way you can stick up 2 fingers to your ex and say you always knew you could do better ! If he whats to screw up his life let him ! What about getting away om a holiday and recharge your birthdays david !

  • I honestly can't imagine what you are going through, but I send my love.



  • Thank you Lori, I feel like I'm on auto pilot at the moment, just doing things that have to be done, I know when I move and have to leave friends I have known for years, it will really hit me then, I will cope but I don't make friends easily (and it's not as though I will have kiddies at school and meet mums at the school gate), I am going to have to force myself to talk and get to know people in the new area, I never find that easy to do.

  • Hi Tina, why should you move away? Your dealing with losing your mum, now your losing your home and the life you've had all these years. Plus being so far from your family!!! Unless that's what you really want to be so far away !! Otherwise why should you have to leave??? Buy a property near your family. It's your husband who is at fault not you x

  • I can't afford a house around where I presently live. If I move up country I can afford to buy a house to keep a roof over my daughter's and my own head. I will be closer to my sister (will be under two hours away instead of the three and a half hours away I am currently). I cannot afford to rent where I am at present, I would have to get some super dooper job to afford around here (and being 57 I don't hold out much hope of that), if I did rent using the money mum left me, it wouldn't last long and in a couple of years time would be in the same position I am now. On the plus side, my daughter and I fell in love with the house we have put an offer on, I am getting my head around our new beginning, it's just that I will be miles away from my son and grandchildren, I will just have to put more thought into going to stay with them. To be honest, I just want to get away from here now, I am sorting through the house here, getting rid of things, selling things, this place doesn't feel like home any more.

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