A update on delicate me.

Hello everyone!

Recently I have felt like I had a glimpse of the real me again but I'm sad with myself for taking this long to realise how major my problems are and it must of been soo obvious to others . I can see now how fast I crumbled and how I look sad and ill through pictures taken of me. I haven't been for help yet as I'm not ready to be diagnosed as I feel it will anger me and give in to a label. i don't want to admit it to myself.

I have tried to stop drinking and smoking and this has helped me clear my mind and make some big decisions. I have decided to move closer to my family and close friends and I have applied for a master's in theatre. But I will be leaving my boyfriend down in Cornwall but he wants it to work but I don't think I can cope. I can see that I'm am hurting him because he knows I am sad and he knows that my decision will help towards my happiness and he thinks he is part of my unhappiness as I am staying in Cornwall for him.

I think a big part of my unhappiness is working full time. I feel like I can't work loads of hours, as my mind can't take the commitment of one thing. I have handed in my notice at work and I feel better for it. Work hasnt helped my moods swings anyway as I feel ashamed that my work colleagues recently have commented on my behaviours and my manic speedy moods. These happen when I become stressed. This has never been highlighted by work colleagues before and I thought I was pretty good at keeping my mind levelled when in work mode. I have to admit, my work colleagues have witnessed me go through a rollercoaster of different moods and expressed ideas of my future like verble dyariea. I must of been in obvious manic states but also obvious low states too.

I feel like I am trying to break the chain currently and focus on being happy but I think I am trying to do too much at once but I can't help it as I feel like I need to get rid of the stress of being unhappy. I just want to start my new chapter now and be happy me again. Besides that I am nervous and anxious if I am doing the right thing for my love life and my mind but I do no that when I'm very depressed again I want to be closer to my friends and family. More than being here with my boyfriend who has a successful life and brilliant network of long term friendships.

I feel my intelligence has improved as a person through these struggles but my sensitivity with living is so much very delicate. I am worried that I can't fix me.

[LoriMS61]

Hi,

I agree, it sounds like you are doing a lot all at once. My Mum gave me the best advice when my depression returned this time around. She told me not to make any life altering decisions until I was well enough.

At the time I wanted to quit my job. I'm glad I listened to her because I ended up going off sick and getting sick pay. It was a financial and mental reprieve.

I understand wanting to move closer to your family. I considered moving to the other side of the world to be closer to my family. I thought I could have a fresh start. The thing that I realised was that I would still be me wherever I went. I would still have the same issues, I would just have a different address. I realised that I had been overlooking what I already had; other family members, good friends, a lovely home. I decided against it.

I really think you should see a GP. If you have read other posts it is always one of the first things we recommend for a reason. A label is just that, a label. You don't have to conform to it. I have depression, but I am able to experience joy and have a laugh. I am dyslexic and have a degree in Literature. I'm asthmatic, but am trying to build up my lung capacity with swimming. As George RR Martin says "words are wind". Get help MissB, it'll be the third step on your road to recovery (your first being that you realised you had a problem and your second step reaching out on this forum).

Let me know when you've booked that appointment.

Lori