A difficult day

[Satsuma]

As the title says A difficult day. Gosh it has been so hard that I have spent half of it in bed. I have depressive thoughts and wondering about life and why should I carry on .. Bah! It hurts Missing my children so much it hurts, my physical pain hurts, my emotional pain hurts, everything hurts and even the thought of another day hurts. Lonely and isolated , scared of mixing with people in case something goes wrong, it is like it is all doom and gloom

[Satsuma]

The demons are speaking and I hear them .. As long as I hear them and not act on them I will stay alive but is that what I want as I do not think i can go through another 40 odd years experiencing this pain day after day

[Hidden in reply to Satsuma]

Hey Satsuma, I'm sorry that you're having a bad day - you've been doing great this week, getting stronger each day. Perhaps those demons are only being so vocal because you've been fighting them... and winning. Look back at how far you've come in the little time I have been coming here - you are one of my inspirations.

Here is a (((hug))) and don't give up the good fight.

[Satsuma in reply to Hidden]

Hidden Hey thanks for your support and you are spurring me on you know. Your words have touched me that I am one of your I inspirations .. I don't know what to say .. Speechless

[spykey in reply to Satsuma]

Hi Satsuma

Hang on in there, remember you are stronger than you think, but remember you are not on your own! I know it's hard when you're in pain, I take so many pills each day I've given up counting! I know when we are on our own the pain can feel & be much more intense! I know your pain has been worse for you for the last few days & that the Co-codamol you took knocked you for six! Is there any way you could take one of the 30/500 & one of the 8/500 to help you get some relief without feeling too drugged up the next morning? I know what it is to have pain 24/7 I take So many pain killers each day & have a morphine patch which is supposed to take the final edge off if only! Sometimes I just want to scream, other times I just want to curl up in a ball! Sounds like you're feeling bit bambozzeled by pain, emotions & life at the moment! I feel for you & wish I could take away your pain etc so that you can have some more good days which you have had, and shared & supported others going through those hard times! I will pray that those demons will shut up, go away & leave you alone, so you can get back your strength! It might be good to read some of your posts from a couple of days ago, the beautiful words you shared with the group. They touched me & others too! I know you say you can't cope for another 40 years of pain, like I said I would take it away if I could! Have you spoken to your GP about your pain recently & how bad it is, have they sent you to a pain specialist who could give you some others pain killer options, unless you've been there already & it didn't help!

I will say an extra prayer for you tonight, that you are able to sleep & not have to struggle too much through the small hours & that your pain eases up so you can get some relief!

May God Bless You Satsuma. Because You're worth it too!

Take Care Satsuma

God Bless spykey

[Satsuma in reply to spykey]

spykey Thankyou for your lovely words. You too are keeping me going with your words of support .. I am going to see my GP asap .. Will ring for an appointment. I am so up then so down .. I did not have a proper doctor for the last five years yet I did not know .. I was registered into a locum practice as mad it sounds .. Now I have moved I have a new gp .. Here's hoping I will get proper treatment ..I need a med review .. Thankyou for the prayers they mean a lot to me