Week 2 of my depression - this time

[jajocodo]

I am a child of a panic depressive - I have suffered for a long time - I do not want to die, but I cannot seem to find a reason to live - I feel like a failure in everything that I do - I try to act happy at home, so that my wife won't worry, but, I think she knows - she is so used to me being depressed, I think that she just ignores it now - I want to get a therapist or someone to talk to, but I have no time with work and no money, being the sole money earner for a family of four - I no longer dream happy dreams, and I cannot see a future with me in this job or career field.

I do not expect any help or answers, I just wanted to type out the words and send them out into the ether - sometimes, when I feel like crying, I just type words describing my feelings, to hold the tears back.

Another day at my dead end job where I feel like the loose or broken cog in the machine - I would quit if I wasn't afraid of being unemployed again.

[Hidden]

Hello

I gather you are not having any treatment this time so I am going to advise that you see your GP and discuss your fears. This does not mean you will be put in hospital or be put on the sick, generally many of us are given medication for the depression and you could possibly be sent back to work.

If you do need some active support your GP can arrange for some CBT, where you will talk to a CPN NURSE. who will try and talk out your concerns and give coping skills so you can attack your concerns and begin to move on. Just because you have depression does not mean you will not recover given time.

There are ways if you feel at risk of attempted suicide, you can call 111 and they will arrange you to be taken into hospital, a place of safety or you can go yourself to A and E and explain your concerns, they can arrange for you to see a Doctor and possibly the Crisis Team who will be able to assess your illness.

Talk to your GP and possibly your Wife.

BOB

[Karenkaye]

Please know that I am holding you in my thoughts.  I support you in getting the help you need.  Perhaps your wife would like to know how badly you feel.  Hang in there.

[jajocodo in reply to Karenkaye]

Yeah - I hear you both, and it would be great to talk to my wife, but she doesn't listen - I think that she is tired of my depression, and it is too much for her to deal with, so I finally have no one left to talk to - my general practitioner is only open when I am at work, and I would have to take time off to meet, just to have to take more time off to get a separate consolation and then a third for my first actual meeting with an expert. That is three days of leaving early, and quite honestly, I can't be 'that guy' who takes time off like that for something that really should be a simple fix.