Please help

[lawlaw99]

Im so so depressed n anxious the panic os so bad  im on here as a last resort n attempt to try not overdose again   

[Hidden]

Hi Lawlaw99 I am here.   Can you talk some more about what's been happening to you?   What has brought your illness to this peak where you feel like you must overdose?   Talk to us as it can often help to get it off your chest.  We all understand depression and anxiety on here.   I hope others will be in soon but it is quite late.   How can I help?   Bev x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for reply Bev  i dont know where to start to be honest  i cant cope with feeling n fighting my anxiety   i have not been to hospital since May last year but i know my next attempt is near  im plotting but at same time trying to be strong i have children 😢 im sick of my panic   nothing helps  think its worse last couple of days as i found out my partner of 3 years has been txting sexting n looking at other girls the whole time  im trying hard  even listening to audio self help on here but my panic wont let me relax arrrghhh x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Hi well I am not surprised you are feeling extra low finding out your partner is doing that.  It is enough to tip anyone over the edge even without depression/anxiety.  

What do you think will help you relax now?  I know one of the things that helped me when I was suicidal and still does is to make a decision for the day.   I tell myself I am not going to od that day.  This takes a lot of pressure off and means I can relax more and enjoy the day better.

I make the same decision the next day,  and so on,  Sometimes even before you know it the suicidal feelings have passed for the time being.   It is an ongoing battle though.

Would it help to have a voice at the end of a phone?   The Samaritans are great for that and I have used them myself.  You can also contact them by email but it can take a day for them to come back to you. 

I presume you are on meds?   Are they helping?  Maybe they need upping or changing?   I presume you are/have been having counselling too.  Is this helping?  

Another question which often helps is asking yourself - do you actually want to kill yourself or are you just looking for relief of your symptoms?  Or a cry for help?    I know sometimes when I am very distressed I take an extra mirtazapine which I take to help me sleep and this will knock me out.  It is an overdose but only a very small harmless one.   I wouldn't recommend this if you are on strong meds though as it can be dangerous.   Bev x 

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bev  yep i like day by day advice and yes i think it is more tht i need the relief of the awful symptoms more than actual death but my meds are rubbish pregabalin,propranalol which during bad panic i tend to take more than i should,and more recentley been given sertaline to try but im scared , im in therapy AGAIN lol but 2 weeks in    thankyou for replying to me x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Hi again.   Well that's good that it is the relief of your symtoms rather than the wish to die.   It sounds like as your meds don't seem to be helping your doctor has given you a new one.  Setraline is for depression and anxiety and I am on it myself and have been for around 5/6 years now. 

I started off on 100 mgs but it didn't help so it was inceased to 150 mgs which works well for me.   I do find them quite brain zomiefying sometimes but anything is better than that awful low feeling isn't it?   I am worried that they aren't helping much any more so I might need to change them.

I tried Prozac and mirtazapine first and the sertraline was much better for me but we are all different.   The mirtazapine was making me too sleepy so I now take a very small dose to help me sleep.  Take the new meds as they might really help you.  The only side effects I get are bad dreams and a dry mouth but I consider that is a good trade off. 

Has your doctor ever tried you with diazepam?   I have never taken them but my mother and sister did and they helped a lot with the feelings of anxiety.   They are usually prescribed to be taken as and when your anxiety is bad and not all the time.  These might help as well as your regular meds.    I think you need to go back to your doctors tomorrow (get an emergency appointment) and have a chat with him/her.    How are you feeling now?  Bev x   

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Its a total nightmare  my doctor is off sick  and appointments like gold dust   i wish i could just stop thinking    i feel ill at the mo   thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to me x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Hi you can see anyone you like at your surgery.  Insist on an emergency appointment.   If they say no just say fine I will go to A and E and tell them you have refused to see me in an emergency.

I also suffer from copd (lung disease).  I felt ok in the morning but later I felt dreadful and could barely walk or breathe.  I managed to make it 5 minutes up the road to my doctors and said I needed to see someone.   I was asked by the young receptionists if I had an appointment.  When I said no they looked at me as though I was a piece of dirt under their feet and said well you can wait to see the emergency doctor but she is out and could be a long time.  So I said 'Listen I have copd and I need to see someone'  'If I can't then I will go to A and E and tell them why'.   They then said 'Oh the doctor has just come back in'   Funny that! 

Have you anyone who can help you with this?   Your partner?  relation?  Friend?   It's hard to fight for yourself when you feel so ill isn't it?  

Bev x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Aw im sorry to hear tht , is it a breathing problem? Yes receptionist playing God sounds about right, im across the road from a and e as it happens  i keep getting really angry here over thinking  wish we could switch brains off off totally off n switch on once mended rested non fearful and dare i say it ' normal!!'x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

It can help to try and distract yourself a bit,  ok it's hard but does get easier with practise.  

Would it help writing down why you are so upset?  Let rip on paper then when you are feeling calmer tell yourself you will think about things tomorrow when you are less tired and panicky.   Make a plan. 

I find that things play on my mind until I have thought through a plan of action in how to deal with what is distressing me.  Once I have done that I can put it to bed and deal with it the next day or the first time it is possible.   Bev x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Sorry yes it is lung damage caused by smoking.   I am only mild but do get problems breathing and nasty chest infections.   It is progressive too.  x

[maggie321 in reply to lawlaw99]

hi go back to your doctor tell him to up your meds and you want some cognitive therapy ithelps

[Hidden]

I will be back in a short while Law.  Must get something to eat as I am past hungry but have been too lethargic to get something earlier.  Also my back is painful at the moment and I hate having to move lol.    Bev x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

I broke

i broke my toe in rage more pain   cant eat at the moment grrrr have something for me!x

[Hidden]

Hi I'm back.  You still there?  x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Yea cant sleep got zillions of butterflies and bad thoughts  feeling really angry but dont want this  self help audios not working for me! damn!x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Have you tried ringing the Samaritans?  x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

No but i downloaded their monthly news -

Letter last night?! I feel ashamed x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Letter last night??  x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

What are you ashamed of?  It's not your fault you know as you are ill.  It's not a sign of weakness or a fault in you,  it is often random and can strike anyone.   Those thoughts are depression ones and you can't trust them - it is your mind working against you.  You need to put your trust and faith in those who love you instead.   Bev x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

More - you are strong because you are doing your best to fight this dreadful illness,  and you have taken the very brave first step of coming in here and talking to us.   Build on that now and most of all stay with us please as I am sure others will be in tomorrow. 

You are not alone now - we all understand here and do our best to support and help each other.   You have an online family now. 

A big hug for you.  Bev xx

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Sorry monthly samaritans news letter i meant x

[Hidden in reply to lawlaw99]

Oh we keep crossing lol.   Do you have anything to help you sleep?   I know it's an old cliché but things often do look better in the morning.  If you can get through this night.  

I'm in no hurry to go to bed and will stay up with you as long as needed.   Bev xx

[Olderal]

Hello Lawlaw, I have n't had anxiety but plenty of depression and can promise you absolutely the depression will end and you'll feel better again.

Just take some time to sit back ,put your feet up and relax, and if you can find something to enjoy, a glass of wine ,a good book,some music. You don't have to do anything for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen ? 

I.m assuming your kids are old enough to look after themselves for an hour or two. Tell them Mum's tired and you need a couple of hours relaxing. Hopefully they'll give you a cuddle.

Your partner's sexting other girls  ?. Big deal. Its not nice but if thats the way he's built , that's the way it is. Just file it away as useful knowledge. He won't be the first. You can sort that out when you're feeling stronger.

Overdosing is a dodgy business as you could do yourself some permanent damage that will make it harder to enjoy life when the depression and anxiety end, and they will end. When they do you want to be in the best possible shape to start enjoying life again.

 A pity that mobiles let partners fantasise about other partners so easily.  Nothing new there then, particularly with men.It might mean something , it might not. 

Keep trying for an appointment to get some extra medical help in this crisis. but long term you'll need some relaxation techniques to cope with the anxiety.  I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you.

Olderal  

[Hidden in reply to Olderal]

Hi Olderal I agree that Law can sort out the sexting thing when she is feeling stronger,  but I disagree with treating it so lightly.   It might be from a male point of view but from a female view it is a form of adultery and very distressing.    I know I couldn't accept it in any relationship! 

How are you chuck?  I hope you are not too bad.  Bev x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Olderal]

Thankyou  olderal its not starting off well im already overwhelmed with panic but thinking i survived the night at least  , wish i could have a glass of wine but i cant drink it makes me wild due to my borderline personality, i cant relax my brain wont switch off and i cantstop thinking about him with them girls  but on a good note ive slept for few hours 

[Olderal in reply to lawlaw99]

Lawlaw , I'm not an expert as I've said on anxiety although I've had plenty of depression.

i did read a book on relaxation and found sitting back relaxed as possible and just concentrating on my breathing good. Feel your chest expanding and contracting. Try and feel the air movement in and out. Just concentrate totally on your breathing. As soon as thoughts of anything else intrude get back to concentrating on your breathing. You have to practise it a bit but just 5 minutes of concentrating, and I mean concentrating on your breathing will relax you.Feel the air moving,listen to it,feel your chest moving.

Hope you get the rest of today feeling a bit better and when you go to bed its a good time to practice concentrating on your breathing.

Best wishes Olderal

[lawlaw99 in reply to Olderal]

Thankyou i do try these techniques but to no avail but not giving up, feeling a little better right now, hey ho bedtime!! 

U ok?

[Olderal in reply to lawlaw99]

Yes ,Thankyou,law law,I have n't been depressed since end July last year. I've never had much anxiety although of course depression usually creates some anxiety, but nothing serious with me.

Thank heavens you are not giving up. Overdosing is bad . It could kill you in which case you'd miss a lot of happiness to come. Even worse it could leave you with permanent disabilities and if you ain't always happy now , think how much worse it would be with those. Anyway you have kids which means although you did n't sign anything, you have undertaken a serious commitment to do your best for them. That does not include worrying them with a Mum who overdoses.

Consider your wrist smacked . I think you should seriously practice those breathing exercises, you have to learn to concentrate just on your breathing with your eyes closed. feel your chest moving, try and feel the air moving,and listen to it. Nothing else !!!! If it works for a cynic like me it should work for you if you are doing it properly.

All the best,Olderal

[lawlaw99 in reply to Olderal]

Ihi there again!,

i know what you mean about my children ,i have a daughter who passed away n sometimes the urge to be with her is so bad but of course i know my children here need me, its hard to be strong wen its all so '  urrrghhh'  

I wont give up trying , glad your better x

[Hidden]

Hi Law are you still there?  If not I will toddle off to my bed now.  Bev x

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Hi  i actually fell asleep just woke up sweating n still panicking but really reassurred by kind messages    i will try the doctors but dont hold out hope x

[Hidden]

Good I am glad you fell asleep love.   Make sure you are completely honest with the doctor about how you feel,  Good luck with that and let us know how you get on.  Bev xx

[lawlaw99 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bev ive just registered with a new doctors so im awaiting health check then i get to make app wifh new doc! Hope you're ok x

[jinirules]

Hi law

I am so sorry about your situation. Though I don't have panic attacks I have been depressed and I can imagine when you have something wrong in a relationship with not only your partner but anyone it can be stressful Self help book I am sorry are no help I love music and dance so I do that or watch a lot of movies on YouTube not a solution but a temporary bandage. I am assuming your partner does not know that you know about him I hate confrontations but sometimes they need to be had for you to be in a better place. I had a huge problem with my brother many years ago I couldn't sleep or eat and it made my depression worse but I planned the conversation  saw all the possible outcome and had the argument with him it was so bad and 7 years on we dont talk to each other but I am better for it. The outcome may not be as bad as you fear but the conversation must happen or else either the situation will get worse or you will. Plan the conversation and your reaction to his possible excuses. Also remember you have your kids they are the most precious gifts you don't want them to have a life without a mum trust me I lost both my parents in my teens and still I am suffering one thing that prevented me from taking my life is thinking of my child

Sorry for the length of the message hope you find solace 

Have you tried watching stand ups

Try it laughter is a good medicine 

[lawlaw99 in reply to jinirules]

Hi jinirules

im so sorry to hear of your loss of your parents, felt really selfish when i read your message,its just when im at my very lowest n contemplating my way out i always assume the children are better off without somebody like me being their mum but again im sorry x

[jinirules in reply to lawlaw99]

Please don't think like that. It doesn't make you selfish to think that. When we are in that frame of mind we don't see the big picture. I have had these same thoughts and I have a very supportive husband. When I thought I cannot go on my girl was 2.  It was then I thought of my childhood. And then I thought of my husband and very weirdly my brother who depends a lot on me. If we think of other prop and what they go thru we won't be able to even smile. 

[lawlaw99]

Appreciate this ,thankyou so much, il defo get back to u tommorrow  im half soundo,which doesnt happen much n il prob be up in a couple of hrs sweating n panicky grrrr! 

Hope you are ok , law x