I have been on this site for a few weeks now but this is my first post other than replying to others.
I am currently off work due to depression/anxiety/stress and have been for the past 7 weeks. This is the third time I have been off work this year and I feel I need to make some really big changes. I have a long long history of depression dating back over 20 years and this pattern of being ill & off work has happened twice before. I have now asked work if I can work part-time in the hope that this will help. I have also looked at changing careers and have been looking at more caring roles rather than the law/accountancy roles I have had in the past.
I feel so overwhelmed by the massive choices that are ahead of me that I do not know which way to turn. I am married with 2 children aged 7 & 11 and want to be a positive influence rather than the shell of a person I so often am. I need to find some strength from somewhere but just feel so consistently low. I am on high doses of medication Venlafaxine at 375mg & Mirtazapine at 15mg but this does not seem to shift the low mood & persistent worries. I have had CBT over the years and while this all makes perfect sense to me I do not seem able to put these techniques into action when they are really needed.
I desperately want life to change, I know I have so much to be grateful for & opportunities but it all seems so very very difficult.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
This describes me to the tee. I am not working due to depression. I had been on and off work for years and when I was offered voluntary redundancy I jumped at the chance. That was nearly two years ago, since then I have had a couple of dfferent temporary jobs but dont know where to turn as I feel like I can not hold down a paid job.
I do voluntary work and go to the gym. I have had CBT and TA. These are good but still havent helped to lift my mood.
I feel such a failure and useless.
Im sorry I cant offer advice but just to tell you that you arent alone!
Thank you so much for your response. I appreciated the golfing reference in your first sentence!!!
It is really good to know that I am not alone. That is some comfort to me as I see all around me going to work each day. I know we are told not to compare & that you never know what is going on in peoples' lives but it feels so bad for me not working when everyone else is. Is that your experience also? Have you found any way of dealing with this? What is TA? I haven't heard of that before.
I have just returned from a GP appointment where I received a sick certificate for a further 2 weeks. GP was kind as always but I can't help feeling I'm wasting her valuable time. This feeling was increased when she told me I didn't need to come in after the 2 weeks, a phone call would be ok. So here I am for another 2 weeks, wondering what will become of me. I know I have options but it all seems so difficult at the moment.
Hopefully we will be able to encourage each other through this chapter in our lives.
Little bit of background. I was signed off in Feb this year and am starting on phased return tommorrow. I've not suffered, knowingly, or been off with stress,anxiety or depression before then but looking back I've been hyper stressed for around 2 years or more.
I have a stressful job in the legal area of the oil/gas/mining industry. I have been to counselling this year and have continually said I didn't want to go back and yet I'm returning. I am going to see how it goes but I don't know what I want to do. I guess it just isn't this. I have also discussed partime with my employers but that just means working 36 hours over 4 days each week.
Firstly, you aren't wasting your GP's time. I called a few times to get certificates rather than going into see them. Does your employer have any type of employee assistance where you can see a counsellor? If not I would get your GP to refer you. It tends to be CBT which I didn't find brilliant either. If you can, get other counselling. If your anxiety and depression gets retriggered through stress at work then it should help you understand why.
You are burnt out so don't feel guilty about taking some time out from work.
I would not make any big decisions at the moment. Concentrate on just taking a break and getting yourself rested. I did some volunteering at a wildlife trust. Something completely different. I even thought about retraining but realised that it was a passing fancy being a countyside ranger.
Don't put pressure on yourself to make any decisions. Don't think of them as massive decisions it creates more anxiety. Sometimes it is easier to think about what you don't want to do. So for example, nothing corporate, no team to manage etc. I browse local jobs just to see what there is and what skills you need. I'm not putting pressure on myself to make a decision to change career today, next week or next month. Going part time might reduce pressure and allow you some space and time to consider what you want to do.
You aren't alone and don't feel bad about not being at work. You aren't very well and need some time off to help get yourself well again.
Your very welcome to the site. I really think the first thing is to get yourself well, that may seem like a gargantuan challenge now, but it will happen. When we are suffering
From Depression/Anxiety everything is too much for us and we often don't make
Sensible choices work wise.
I am retired now but before I retired I had a few bouts of Depression and they were
Very difficult, putting myself under pressure to get back to work as I felt I didn't have
A partner to support me or help me in any way financially . A few years ago I went for
A promotion at work and I got it, but it happened I. The middle of a Depression and I
Was convinced that I would not be able to do this job, everything was an effort. Anyway
I didn't take the promotion and when I got well I realised that of course I could
Have done the job , but when your Depressed you feel cognitively impaired and
Stressed and you lose your confidence.
I think the best advice I coukd give you would be to take the pressure off yourself.
Do not make any major decision career wise, or you could regret it later. Sometimes
It is good to challenge ourselves as if we run away from stress or work challenges it
Can be counter productive.
It may seem silly but if you go part time your Pension will be much less and that's not great either,
You also have to look at what you could do to reduce your stress. Excercise, Diet and Group support.
Pete I help some of this can be be of some help to you. Everyone's situation is
Different and some people don't mind not working and having less money etc.
It really depends on your financial and personal circumstances.
Don't feel guilty about being Depressed, it's not your fault , but be positive that things
Thanks Hannah for your response. I do try to remain positive and in my Wife & 2 daughters I have so much to be grateful for. I am very fortunate that my wife earns sufficient for us to manage financially. I do, however, want to work & provide.
I read your post and it could have been about me! This is my second time being off this year and I too feel that I have some decisions to make as I feel that I can't go on without changing some aspect of my life, namely work! Like you I've undertaken CBT twice before: once face-to-face with a counsellor and then another one online which I didn't really like because it was so impersonal. I understand the theory but when it comes to the reality of my situation I am so overwhelmed by the range of issues I don't know where to start with the techniques. I just feel totally burnt out this time so I'm going to try and give myself time to recover. Previously I've gone back to work too soon putting pressure on myself because I've thought I'm letting people down. However, now is the time to be good to yourself. It's a lesson I'm trying to teach myself just now!
Thanks for your reply. There seem to be a few of us in a similar situation & yours does sound very close to mine. It looks as if I won't be back at work this side of the Christmas break now so I need to get my head round that and try to enjoy Chrismas!
Thank you so much for sharing Pete, it takes a lot of courage to ask for advice. This world can be so overwhelming and there is no way anyone can make it alone without support.
There is only so much, medicine, human beings and material things can do. God sent Jesus Christ as a loving and supernatural source of support for all of us. God can help you sustain your work, and family. He is just waiting for us to cast our overwhelming burdens, worries, concerns and needs in his loving arms.
You have tried all you can do, and spoken to everyone you can. Read Psalms 55:22.
Try God today, Jesus Christ is alive and waiting on you. Let God supernaturally surprise you today.
Hey Pete, sorry for the delay in replying. I've been AWOL this week and haven't been up to logging in. You've been so honest and genuine in your post, it's easy to see how extremely difficult things are for you. I've also been facing the dilemma of taking time off work. I had a big chat with my boss about it yesterday. I told her that my biggest fear is that the first day I take off will be the day I have to face my demons. And I'm too scared to do that because I don't know where that journey will take me. It's so difficult juggling the demands of a job with the way that depression strips you of every ounce of wellbeing and strength you've ever had. I don't have the answers for you, but I do know that you will find so much support here x
December 2010, I was prey to lung cancer, had an op., to remove it. All was well until mid 2013, then depression set in.
Was prescribed citalopram which worked, however I got deeper into that black hole. I missed a few doses and experienced strange short sharp brain spasms. Taking the citalopram again
they ceased.
October this year the big C returned I will fight my corner with
all I can.
Unfortunately the depression was bad and I can understand
Why some lose the will to fight.
I went back to my GP., got some mirtazipine 30mg.
One dose at night put me out for most of the following day and
the next morning. I have not taken one since, am back on citalopram and have got my life back, (for the last six days at least).
Perhaps my plight is somewhat easier than most of you out there as my days are nearly done, but I have the greatest of
family, two grandkids and I plan to be around for a good while yet. No sympathy here please.
I read Pete's letter, which prompted mine.
I know it's a sod mate but look forward to the good times to come with your family.
I wish you well and all those that are suffering these dark days
Many thanks for your response it really is a massive help to me to know that people have taken the time to read my post & respond. You sound like you've really been through it in the last few years but I admire your motivation & courage to keep fighting on. You are so right in saying I should look forward to the good times ahead with my wonderful family. I must remember this in the darker times when I feel they would perhaps be better off without me.
Best wishes for your future battles and thanks again for taking the time to respond. It is much appreciated & very helpful.
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Advice needed pleased
Insomnia/anxiety attack support. Please, if you have any tips or tricks. 
Someone please give me any advise would help I'm new to this first post!!
Please help, I'm new to this site as of this evening. Thank you.
Embarrassed but need advice ! 
