Hi, I've had the roughest 12 months in terms of my mental health, having been under the care of psychiatrist since 2005. Last year my life finally unravelled and I had to give up my job and my home and move back in with my parents at 37, because of serious depression and anxiety, and a real attempt on my life stopped only by a concerned friend who couldn't make contact, ringing the police and them gaining access to my home and calling an ambulance. I have since been diagnosed as have a treatment resistant mood disorder and Bipolar depression. I finally feel more stable back with my family, it's not easy being the 37 year old child at home, but I was scared of myself when living alone.
Because I had to stop work, a law career that I worked hard to achieve and really loved, I've put in a claim for ESA (back in November), and I'm still waiting to be assessed and moved from the basic rate. I found out last week that medical evidence from my GP had finally been requested. I asked to see what he had sent in, and discovered to my horror, the description of my condition was simply 'low mood'. Not even depression, never mind the rest of it, but low mood isn't even a clinical diagnosis!! I'm so upset, and feel utterly betrayed by this man who has sat listening while I've sobbed my guts out in his office about being afraid of my thoughts when they run away and make me want to harm myself. It's as if he hasn't taken it remotely seriously, despite making all the right noises.
My psychiatrist has today written an accurate letter adding that I do not have the mental resilience to deal with employment of any kind and I am chronically disabled, but when I phoned Atos to ask where to send it to in light of the GPs lack of, they said it could go on my file for the assessment but that they'd already decided to call me in for an assessment based on insufficient medical evidence. I am terrified of having to attend and talk about this in person. It's easier to write it down, but I struggle to engage with my psychotherapist about what is going on, never mind a stranger out to trip me up at every opportunity who may know nothing of my condition. I haven't been given an appointment but I'm already in a state about it, and I never want to see my GP again, as I feel he just doesn't get it.
I really don't know if I can go through this. Sorry for waffling x