Feeling so irate and on edge today :( felt fine yesterday

[les82]

Feeling so crap today like i could easily pick a fight with someone and knock their head off. I felt good yesterday as well. Wish i could get to the bottom of why i can be fine one day and then at war with the world the following day. I find myself over analysing everything and having silly thought processes feel like my emotions are so erratic, its not fair. Wish i wasnt like this x

[Photogeek]

Hi there , Are you a bit tired? Remember you have a very young baby and hormones

Could be making your mood unstable. I think we can all get a bit like that

At times, I am not an angry type, but sometimes I can be annoyed with myself.

I find with Depression that each day can be different, When I get stressed I do

Some breathing excercise I learned in Mindfulness Meditation. Lesley they help ,

So try it.

Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out,I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment

I know this is a wonderful moment !

Now I know you might think the last line is a bit much, but it helps me. It sorts of

Breaks that obsessing and over analysing stuff.

Hope you feel a bit better.

Hannah x

[les82]

Thanks for the reply hannah. I'm not overly tired but i could be doing with a good night's unbroken sleep. Not possible at the mo as i am still breastfeeding but introducing formula. Thank you, i'll try those exercises. Its like i wont give up til i have an argument with my other half. I say things that i would never say on a reasonable day. Aaarrrgggghhh!! Lol. Wish this depression would do one! X

[Hidden in reply to les82]

You are doing well to be coping with depression and breast feeding, so give yourself a pat on the back for that! Give the baby a kiss from me too, how I wish I could have those times back again - though not in the middle of the night - except with my first baby who I could time - 24 minutes for his night feed every time, I would sit half awake and know he would fall asleep after that time, and he always did! x

[Photogeek in reply to les82]

Lesley I live alone and when I'm irritable , I think I am better off alone. I sometimes think that my close friends are fed up listening me saying how I feel Depressed. So relationships can be like that, no relationship is perfect , even if It's a good one, I can just imagine I would

Be the same, maybe we just want to let our feelings out and at least we

Can have a good old moan.

Hugs

Hannah x

[les82]

Wish the wee man had a routine like that. Hes up every 4 hrs for a feed. I am relishing every moment with him tho as he is my last. Hes a little gem, makes me smile. Having a tough wee time with my daughter tho, she isnt listening to me at all. Shes away to see one direction tonight and feel bad saying this but its been very peaceful without her here. I love her to bits but shes a little madam at times. Hannah, i often think i'd be better off alone but i have what i have always wanted now. I have to be careful tho as i may lose my fiance if i dont stand up and beat this. I'm so strong willed and would stand up to anyone but this depression has the ability to knock me for six. Does everyone have different kinds of depression? I wouldnt say i'm in the extreme group as i can still get up, have a shower, put the make up and go out and still live a normal life. I just feel that some days i have a black cloud over me. Its horrible. Looking back, i think my mum may have had what i have. She died of brain damage caused after a fall due to her drinking. She was okay one day and then other days she was a crabby bitch. I have no inclination to use alcohol as a crutch as i have witnessed the devastation it can cause. However, i do want to block it out at times but i want to get better. I'm gonna try through hard work and determination. I am also looking into doing my postgrad diploma in education next year. I want to be a primary teacher and already have the necessary degrees. I really think i can have a happy life and if i cant get rid of this depression i need to develop strategies in how to deal with it. Thank you for all your lovely comments. X

[Binky1 in reply to les82]

Hi Lesley and sorry to hear you've had a bad day

It's not surprising with all that you've got going on, it's busy busy with a new baby on top of how you're feeling

I agree it could definitely be hormonal as well at this time if your moods are so up and down, I was like that too & flew into terrible rages and then floods of tears, was a nightmare

Oh I'm with you in the quiet night tonight haha my 15yr old daughter is at One Direction tonight as well, they'll be shattered when they get home

I hope you have a better day tomorrow & let us know how you're feeling

Big Hugs

Lesley xx

[Hidden in reply to les82]

Hi Lesley

My son was easy but my daughter fed every hour and a half day and night for 8 months! It is exhausting although it sounds as though you are really enjoying him too. Of course you are glad of the break from looking after your daughter! It is difficult looking after a child as well as a baby.

It sounds as though the depression puts you into a frame of mind where you doubt your relationship with your fiancé, perhaps you need someone to blame for finding things difficult and he is the one who is there, or it may be that there is more to the doubt than that, only you know in your heart whether you love him. None of us are happy all the time in any relationship and if you love him then probably it is tiredness and the normal life stresses of being a mum of two small children that makes you doubt things.

You say your mum fell due to her drinking. If she was depressed when you were little which probably she was then you will have found that difficult as she will not have been able to meet your emotional needs as well as she might have. When children's emotional needs are not met they learn not to feel the emotions which go on being there and often re-surface later in life. Perhaps that is what is happening with you as having a baby invariably triggers our own deep memories of having been a baby with a mum, it is where we learned how to mother. Also you say your mother died but don't say when that was - whether you were an adult or child, the reason for her death must have left you feeling quite ambivalent towards her and that will have made it difficult for you to mourn her loss in a straightforward way ie to miss her and grieve then re-find happiness. If you think that is so it may help you to talk about your mother and your childhood with a counsellor in order to enable you to understand your current feelings further.

Depression need not prevent you from becoming a primary school teacher though it will make things difficult at times when things are stressful. Dealing with the depression at this point in your life by talking with a counsellor or therapist will make things easier for you when you are teaching.

Suex

[les82]

Hope your daughter had a fab time Lesley. My wee one bounded in the door 45 mins ago, she was as high as a kite. I was so jealous, wanted to go to the concert. I'm 31 but i love them. Just wish i knew whats wrong with me so that i could sort it. Thinking of going to a new class they have at our local leisure centre 2moro - fitsteps. Its all the strictly come dancing moves supposedly. Need a wee exercise to boost the feel good hormones hope you all have a good day x

[Binky1 in reply to les82]

Aaw glad she enjoyed it, my daughters still not home yet and it's nearly 1.30am, good job she's on exam leave so no school tomorrow.

Yes you should go to the exercise class if you can Lesley as it will help you feel better and boost your mood

Catch up tomorrow (today lol) & hope you have a good day xx