Low mood and anxiety

[CarmelaGrace]

Been feeling very on and off for the last wee while - stresses about work, and our management re-structure, my contract ending, and a really awkward team meeting where someone decided to air their grievances and ended up threatening to quit (just found out today that she HAS quit, which is good in one way because she wasn't a team-player, but at the same time it leaves us a key staff-member short at a time when there's a huge shake-up with jobs and no one really knows what's going on).

My contract ending means that I will need to move, so stressing about moving to a new place, finding a new job, getting a new flat....having to adjust to moving away from my support net of family and friends and I'm worried that I won't look after myself if there's no one there to notice.

I got very worked up this evening and was feeling the whole lot: irritated, annoyed with myself, wanting to delete all the writing I'd done, wishing I hadn't said stuff, anxiety about if I'd locked doors or was the gas cooker leaking or was the hack on my finger going to get infected. I could feel my chest tightening, and my jaw and mouth stiffening up. I felt sick and felt as if I couldn't breathe.

But now it's calmed down. I just feel really exhausted now. The whole thing about panic attacks only lasting for 30 minutes is pretty accurate, I guess; I just need to keep telling myself that when I'm actually feeling anxious.

[Hidden]

Hi sorry you are feeling down. Is it possible your contract might be renewed? or that yo could be taken on permantly. I don't understand why (unless I have missed a previous post) you have to move away from home etc. when your contract ends. Aren't there other jobs you can get where you are?

Someone will notice if you don't look after yourself - the most important person in your world - YOU. Be your own best friend and take care of yourself. x

[CarmelaGrace in reply to Hidden]

There is a possibility, but it's the not knowing that makes me anxious. Also, it wouldn't be a straight renewal - I'd have to reapply and re-interview. And at the same time, I'm not even sure that I want it renewed, because I've been really unhappy and lonely in my position. I did have a flat, but my flatmate left to get married and I couldn't afford the place on my own. Couldn't get a new rental because I didn't know if I would have a job to pay the rent in four months time, and can't get a rental for less than 6 months. So I've been renting a room from my mum, which isn't ideal, but very nice of her.

I will probably need to move away when my contract ends because there aren't any other museum/cultural jobs in my area.

I am my own worst enemy. When I'm living on my own I end up falling into not eating again, or being really controlling in my habits. It makes me feel like I'm taking care of myself.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to CarmelaGrace]

Hi Carmela, glad the panic eased. There is a lot of uncertainty at the moment and that is a hard thing to deal with. I do remember you mentioning about your boss where you are and how difficult he/she is so do wonder whether it might be an idea to look elsewhere for work which is what you were thinking about before any talk of renewal of this contract. It is an unsettled time and that is never easy. Have you tried making lists of advantages and disadvantages of different decisions that you may make and then sticking to the decision which feels the most "right" for you? Some of this seems to be down to a lack of self confidence and an anxious nature (as I have so I can empathise there); but I think you are doing very well. You are still young but are dealing with a lot of responsibilty and a lot of new things to learn at work and so on . I hope today is a bit more relaxed for you ; sometimes when we "switch off" or "distract" from the anxiety for a while the answers will come to us when we are least expecting them. Hugs,(((((()))))))) Gemmalouise X

[Suzie40]

There seems to be a bit of catastrophising going on here. Will my finger fall off? Will I get burgled tonight all because I didn't lock a door? Will I have to move away and be all alone when my job ends?

Look at the situation right here and now. You have a job and you have a home. I get that the uncertainty of not knowing for how long can make you very anxious, but I'm sure your mum is not going to evict you. That buys you so bit of time to find the right job (should you need to because right now you don't!).

Lots of companies restructure at this time of year, because funding is often allocated based on April to April. On a positive note, having a lady quit means there's one less person applying in the restructure! Don't be afraid of applying for your own job; have confidence in your subject knowledge and remember why they gave you the job in the first place x

[Hidden]

I agree with all these replies but also wonder whether you might think laterally and whether there are any jobs that will enable you to stay near family and friends - the jobs need not be exactly your field but could be something allied to it - perhaps journalism within the field of art or history or whatever your interests, or maybe you could view it as an opportunity to do a further qualification. Just opening up further doubt but also further possibilities. Doors need not be closed if you are still young enough to open them. You might even take a risk and think about going further afield rather than backing away from what you are afraid of which is whether you will cope with looking after yourself alone - because of course you will - if you want to. You could think about project management maybe within the arts field in a different place but linked to a group of people so you have a built in set of connections, or maybe follow up something you have always fancied doing - all of this is IF you do have to leave your current job.

I know thinking about even more uncertainty will make you even more anxious but it also will get you to see that you are not in an impossible or catastrophic situation and that uncertainty can be an opportunity - for change and for re-thinking your life. What do you want from your life?

Suexx

[mittsies]

I quit my job 2 weeks ago,i had to it was making me worse,the busy environment,better to be well,money is money.People can be very aggresive sometimes,to in your shell chipping away,i am strong but they were to much,well stay focused take it easy.