At the moment, my fear of going out has come back and my fear of strangers.

[maisiemoo14]

Because of everything that has happened, I am a loner. I have a problem with trusting people and going to places I don't know.

My daughter comes with me to doc and hospital appointments.

I started to go to a lip reading group, it took me ages to go so my daughter came with me. But now I haven't been for about a month as I feel so rock bottom and very depressed.

Will this situation I'm in ever get sorted?

The reconsideration of myESA has been going on since January!!!!!!

[Gambit62]

Try not to focus on the apparent failing of not getting to your lip-reading group - that is the past and despite what our brains tend to tell us, the future can be different.

You haven't failed - that's just where you have been recently - it may be that given all of the stress you are under at the moment - it's a bit ambitious. Is there something a little less ambitious that you could do with your daughter - just getting out of the house for a few minutes.

[Photogeek]

Ah sorry to hear that. Try and keep going out as much as you can even if you

Don't feel like it.

Your probably worried about your ESA reconsideration and that is hard and a

Strain, so try and hang on and take it in baby steps.

Hugs to you

Hannah

[Hidden]

It sounds as though you and I are experiencing a similar anxiety with people at the moment. In my experience it becomes harder the more you shy away, so I try to stay involved somehow, no matter how small it is. It could be going to the shop to buy some eggs, going for a walk and greeting a stranger... anything you can think of.

I hope your ESA application is reconsidered. Our current government seems be suffering from a dire case of misplaced priorities.

[coatpin]

sntap!!!, But really you cant use your daughter in that way!. shes your child not your mother. I dont mean that in a bad way, but she deserves her life. Being a teen ect. Talk to your gp, Cbt will help you to see, things in a different way. I force myself out, and its taken ages for me to see, that my head is over reacting. Also counselling may help you to talk to someone other than your daughter. Or just someone out of the world you have created for yourself.

But honestly depression makes you isolated, it takes away everything you used to enjoy and all the things that used to make you happy. So go back to basics. What used to make you happy as a child, and start from that point. As adults we have forgotten to do the things we used to do. Or find the new you, and find new things that might make you happier. Just enjoy the little things... Remember your ill, so dont expect yourself to do too much.

Yes your esa will take a long time, if your not happy speak to your local MP to get them to hurry up, as this will bring you down, having no money. Life can be shyt ,, but when its good it can be wonderful. Just give yourself time x

[maisiemoo14 in reply to coatpin]

My daughter is 26 and she has always said she will take me to appointments etc. I've tried to go by myself but once she found out, she went mad. I think its a lot to do with my Emphysema.

Don't want to remember my childhood as that is when everything went bad, alcoholic parents who abuse me mentally and physically.

I'm making a list of things to do, like go to the shop, go to the hairdresser etc and ticking them off and rewarding myself for doing them.

[coatpin in reply to maisiemoo14]

You know this is why you are like it, not trusting people, I had simular upbringing to you. but was also stalked and abused by a professional. But if you cant trust your parents to be good parents and you cant trust them, then who can you trust!!??? it would be good to get that stuff out, and so your not so "effected" by it. If you go for counselling make sure you ask if they do work on the inner child.

Why you behave this way, is because your parents abandoned you in so many ways. As parents, try to get hold of a book called Toxic parents by doctor Susan forward, it,s so enlightening!! its one of those books that you go, yeh they did thatx, oh so thats why!! and you just cant put it down. enlightening!! it will make you think deeply maybe. enjoy reading

[maisiemoo14 in reply to coatpin]

Thank you, I will get that book next week.

I also have problems with men as my ex husband was like my parents were, he was also very controlling and use to rape me as he used on say that I was his because we were married. I only got rid of him when my 2yr old saw him trying to hit me with a hammer that was 12yrs ago but he didn't go quietly. Thank goodness it didn't affected her and she is an a* student