Mothers Day is hell ..

[FallenAngel]

My precious Mum died almost 2 years ago ... and today is hell .. I miss her so much , she has left such a hole in my heart that I don't think will ever heal ... xx

[Hidden]

Hi

I am sorry today is such a bad day for you particularly as I know you have been feeling very low lately, but sadly all our mums have to die sometime. I hope yours didn't die when it was before her natural time as that is always harder, but whenever she died it is good that you are missing her because that says she meant a lot to you. Do remember all her good qualities and the good memories you have of her, cherish them and remember how without her you would not have had any life. She would have wanted you to remember her with love but still be able to live your life fully, that is what she will have wanted from the time you were born. I hope you find a way to create a meaningful life for yourself and do not waste what she has given you, which is a lot. You are kind to other people and I hope you know we are all thinking of you when you are feeling so sad.

Suexx

[FallenAngel]

Thank you Sue ,my Mum died at 68 with dementia . it was aweful .. xx

[Gambit62]

When I'm really missing my dad I sometimes write down all the things that I remember about him.

He was an atheist. I'm not. After he died I wrote a story about him waking up in a heaven and being given a job as the handyman their - he always liked to be useful and help people in practical ways - he died after a series of heart attacks in his sleep and one of the things I remember him saying was that he was glad that after the first time he was hospitalised (second heart attack) he was glad that he had come home as there was a problem with the tap in the kitchen that he was able to solve, but he was also very tired and didn't really want to go on living - I managed to get into the story all sorts of things that he had told me over the year - had a pet preying mantis in the barracks when he did national service and lots of things like that. Sometimes when I am really missing him I write down all of the things I remember about him and his life - somehow it brings him back to me in a positive way.

Can't bear to think of him at the funeral directors - that was just the shell and wasn't him at all.

May be it would help to write down what you can remember about your mother and her life.

[bepete]

we all miss our mums on this day angel !

I still ask her to help and protect me even though shes been gone since 2001.

she was a very strong woman.

I miss her still xx

[jillylin]

Hugs. I lost my mum just over a year ago. It hurts, I know. It does get easier to cope with but it takes time, plenty of it.

Gentle hugs

Jillyxx

[Hidden]

My father died in 1984 with Dementia

Sadly I was unable to grieve as my family are very controlling and are not what I would call nice. So now I have had to walk away and will never know what will happen to them all.

My family really was a surrogate family who looked after me for most of the time, I lost them as they had been born in the 1890s, then I had been trained not to show grief so when people died it meant I would be able to isolate myself from death, to such an extent that my immediate family would use me to deal with illness and death. It became an occupation to me and after a long time I was able to nearly tell what stage they were at., or so it seemed.

I would love to be able to grieve, although now I have gone down the pathway of being so cold,although not uncaring.

Now I understand how you must feel, you seem to have happy memories of happy times,that was denied to to me.

Sadly I was unable to grieve my surrogate family, because I was not allowed to.Now it would be wonderful if was able to grieve for them, my early life was with them and at least I have memories that I am unsteady in showing

[Photogeek in reply to Hidden]

Bob

I have to say you always come across as very caring and warm. My

Own parents died nine years ago, I really miss this and know I am

Lucky that I had a good relationship with them both.

So I suppose if we don't relate to parents, we will have to parent

Ourselves. So you are in my thoughts tonight Bob.

Hannah

[Suzie40]

Sorry that you're feeling so sad x

[Hidden]

Hi I know exactly how you feel FallenAngel. I lost my mother last June. Christmas last was our first one without her and this is our first Mothers Day. it didn't seem right not seeing her and buying her a card and pressie. We have got her birthday on 4th June to face yet. Am dreading it. I really do believe that we meet ouir loved ones again when we pass but in the meantime you have your treasured memories and you are keeping her alive in your heart. It does leave a big hole in your life - I know - but don't expect it to heal. All you can do is learn to get on with your life and keep that special place there for her. If she was looking down on you right now what do you think she would say? Wouldn't it be - I want you to be happy and live your life to the full? Or something like that? Thinking of you. xx

[pussnboots]

Fallen Angel- Do you hear the words that you say? I am sure that your mother would not have wished to have made such a negative impact in your life. Please don't take what I am about to say to you as preaching because that is not how it is intended at all. When I read your post it struck a nerve immediately as my mother-May she rest in peace- passed away on February 1st. of this year. While it is true that there is no loss quite as profound as the loss of a parent it happens to all of us. We were born-(dying). What I mean to say is that from our very first breath the clock is ticking as no one lives forever and so our demise is simply an inevitable and unavoidable fact of life. For me it helps to try to keep this in its proper perspective. And it also helps me to remember that although when my mother was alive we lived 1625 miles apart (which was sheer torture in the end as she lay there ALONE in agony and I was Helpless to do Anything to comfort her - not even just hold her hand and tell her that I loved her.) now, SHE IS WITH ME WHERE EVER I AM AND WILL REMAIN WITH ME WHEREEVER I GO. I say this as her loving memory will be with me ALWAYS. There is nothing that could ever take that from me and the very experience of having had her in my life cannot be taken away either. You will ALWAYS have your memories of your (Mum). And the way that she touched your world, the impression that it made, the influence it has and will have on your every day of the rest of your life- cannot be taken from you either! Not even by death! She is with you right now.... Just not in the form with which you have become accustomed. But, believe me, her spirit is watching over you each and every moment of each and every single day. Now She is with You always. She will remain a part of your life forever. No one and nothing-not even death can really take her from you. Her humanly form (her body) had an expiration date. But your mother was much more than flesh and blood. Her spirit , her soul, her kindness and compassion live through you now . Embrace them. If your mom truly loved you, and I believe she did , she would be fretting over causing her beloved child such misery. She does not wish to be a source a pain for you. I know how difficult it is to not have her there in a physical form anymore. I am struggling with the adjustment to that myself. I don't even know you,- but I will tell you "you are not alone". She is watching over you and I am here for you. Because of her... See? She is still touching your life and influencing your world.