my husband is in high depression because of my past affair (before marriage). i love my husband too much. what should i do?

i am trying too much that he get rid of from my past but he is stuck anywhere with that. my past doesn't matter for me. my husband feel like i cheat with him. please help me...

[Hidden]

is anyone here for help me........?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello

Sorry that you have not had a reply.

All this reminds me of a couple of friends who were going out together, the female had a past that the male did not know about, this was brought to a head by a friend of the girl, who infarred a relationship, the girl made light of the problem, and was in the habit of lying, this went on for three years where the man became so flustrated with His partner that the relationship became quite violent where the man would hit out at the girl because of the story being told The male would keep breaking up with His partner and she would travel to his address and act as a stalker.

This couple really loved each other a past problem became a problem that effected both their lives. They went to Relate as what it is called now and a Catholic priest who referred them both to Catholic Marriage guidance. It became a complete and utter disaster, withe the girl been marched into Catholic Church to tell the truth as the boyfriend could not trust.

Eventually the relationship broke and strange the boyfriend married a divorcee, and the girlfriend married another man. These repercussions lasted for years with the loss of friends etc, they took sides.

Eventually the truth was let out the girlfriend had been raped.

Sorry for the rant, what I am trying to say is be truthful, very understanding and DO NOT vary your history, if the relationship becomes to taxing it will be better to break up ,as in marriage or if you live together this will keep coming back to haunt you both. As it will be used as a hammer to beat you if arguments progress.

If you as mentioned before sit down and talk about things as mentioned before you will really need to stick to the facts and do not let your man ask for any further depth of this past relationship, if this is so raw further explanation of the affair will be demanded from him avoid like the plague.. Do you know his past??. Use that with sensitivity

Sadly above happened in 1976, the world was not the same as now , The saying as now has nothing to do with you, that happened before, sadly in this case has no real standing, this man seems to really love you, that is why the relationship is so disruptive.

Sorry the above is so long this is all still very common in some cases, keep your head and be kind and firm, give reassurrance

BOB

[Hidden]

You two need to talk about this with someone you can trust and who is not going to judge you for your past.

No one can change or erase their past - your hub sounds like he's afraid you might not be satisfied with him, but nothing you can say will help him think otherwise. A properly trained secular counsellor would help him see that his attitude could drive you apart

[Photogeek]

Hi I think you both willl need to go to counselling. Your husband seems

To have a problem. This is not your fault and you need to be firm with

Your husband and tell him his jealousy is damaging your marriage.

It's not an affair as you were not married to him. Please don't blame yourself,

But he definitely needs to get help and sort this out.

Hugs to you

Hannah

[sandy497]

Hi,

Past Is past never dig it, its not good to share wid husband he may support you initially, but back of d mind it will haunt him for sure instead say we were good friends.

[Hidden]

thanks to all.

i am totally firm and truthful with my husband. even, i had never ever physically relationship in past. but he does not trust on me. things are getting more worst. he said that u r hiding from me,

we join one counselling, i had polygraph test to proof my honesty with my husband. these all are not enough for him.

we r married since five year i had one lovely daughter. i have my full family and i am totally attached with all.

i really don't know what will happen in future. but i don't wanna lost these all. in short, now he know each and every thing about my past.

well, thanks alot to response me but could u please suggest me what should i do next.

[Photogeek in reply to Hidden]

Hi you did not have any physical relationship before marriage. Even if you did

Have why should it matter.?

Your husband has a big problem To have to take a lie detector

Test is ridiculous, is he going to drag you on to Jeremy Kyle next.?

Look please be strong and tell him He has the problem. Would he

Be mentally ill?

I don't think there is anything you can do about his jealousy and

Insecurity.

Get Legal Advice or talk to your Doctor about this. This is very

Cruel behaviour and you need to say enough. It's not a basis

For a marriage.

I would have left him by now, the more you try and placate him

The worse he will get.

Get Legal Advice please.

Hannah

[Suzie40]

I'm sorry but if you're being expected to take a lie detector test, to prove that you're an honest person, something is going badly wrong. Your husband sounds like a complete control freak who can't accept that there was life before him! You shouldn't be feeling guilty about something that was nothing to do with your relationship with your husband. Tell him to get stuffed!

[Stilltrying_]

This is a difficult question as I do not know which country you are presently living in (obviously you have Indian name but I don't know if you are in England, America,Canada or India as this will affect things. Also I don't know how much support you have from family and what their opinions would be about something like this. eg whether they accept divorce etc.

From the way I see it, It seems to me your husband has a very big problem. You need to try and get support for yourself and consider what your future will be with a man like this. I am worried for you to be honest as he sounds like he has a big problem with jealousy and is very controlling

I hope the counselling can help you both but having said that the fact you have had to take lie detector test makes me think things have already gone too far. If he cannot or will not change or if you are in any way frightened of him in the end to be truthful you may have to think about leaving this man if at all possible as he could get worse. . Be careful what you say to him if he is inclined to jealously or anger. If necessary make plans without telling him to get away from the situation.

Gemmalouise

[Hidden]

thanks every body to support me.

i know what's going on but still we love each other. if you think he is suffering from any kind of problem than it will be worst for me if i leave him on the way. i can't leave him. he is in problem just because me, b'coz he love me, b'coz of he is so possessive about me. i can't neglect to these things. so, here i am only one person who can do something better for him rather than choose my own way. i believe in GOD. i will try that he comeback in normal life. marriage is not just for happiness. if there is something bad we have to sort out anyway, i think this is also part of marriage.

i appreciate yours opinions, but i am not satisfied with this that leave him and find someone who trust me. i don't need anybody now. i am strong like that i can live without support of any men.

secondly, he think that might be everyone know about my past life such as my community people. might be they feel shame for him. i know this is very ridiculous thing. but he thing like that because of our background.

could you please tell me how can doctor advise will helpful for me?

thx

[arooba in reply to Hidden]

Trust on god and be patient and never ever think about separation just wait he will automatically will be sith you in shaa Allah I will pray for you

[Hidden]

Your husband seems to be struggling and feeling he can no longer trust you. There is unlikely to be any way of persuading him that you are trustworthy as trust takes time to develop, if you are trustworthy then hopefully in time he will learn to trust you again. If that seems unlikely you may find it helpful to talk things through with a counsellor, perhaps from Relate.

Suex

[sandy497]

He is sick, I remember a quote from titanic a woman heart is a deep ocean secret some things should never be shared specially in india as guys are too much insecured and possesive. I broke up wid my gal and she is engaged soon to marry a guy who has seen both roaming on several occasions and knew each and everything of us as my girl friend close friend was his ex and she got married to some other guy of their parents choice as it normally happens in india. That guy was in love wid my gal knowing the fact tat she is having an affair he was insisting for marriage and the destiny had it.. I'm thankful to him bcs he deserved her as he was behind her frm 2 yrs and finally the engagement took place its a indian story people are changing... what he wants to prove and to whom.. why is he ruining the present and future for the past which you can't go back.

[mass900]

hello, first thing he is good man. both of you love each other.now the problem is, he is always thinking may be society will make fun of me or if he or you see your ex how will you react etc. all these type of questions hits him may be.now to what you need to do is ask him what he is thinking frankly ask him and first thing you should not be weak at any point u should have confidence all the time if you get weak he will also get weak.now ask him what he thinks just answer him every question ask him if " your daughter had affair and your son in law thinks like you think how you will feel then". tell him " are you thinking of any other persons past any neighbours past" tell when you are not thinking of anybody why they will think of us and " if they think of us what can we do? and tell him " good people will think think good bad people will think bad " tell him " live for God not for the people' people wont give you anything God will " think what God wants from you do that not the people. tell him " tommorrow if you are sick i will be helping you and you will help me not the people you think of".ok sister i pray to god it work.

[wagnerjessi]

It's a thing of joy to have someone on earth who God almighty has sent to redeem and help those that are in captivity. My husband divorced me but Doctor Osemu Okpamen recently saved my broken marriage again. You can find more on my blog-post here ( wagnerjessi.blogspot.com ) about how my marriage was reunited. Wagner Jessi, UK, Hampshire.

[Indianhusband]

Problem is just not jealousy...its about deception. Your husband feel decieved.His trust is broken and since he love u deeply he is now frustrated and I n depression. One lie/ holding back facts put questions on so many truths. one must communicate and ask for forgiveness and share the details....in depth.