How to overcome my jealousy and anxieties about not being able to ever get over my estranged husband?

[whippet]

My husband walked out a year ago. we didn't get on but it has still been a massive shock to me. He has been described to me professionally as an emotional bully but I still feel that is subjective as I feel that I was the one with the problem as I allowed him to do it to me. Anyway, my life is still being so very much dictated by him by my own thoughts. I just cannot move on at all, i am constantly giving absolutely everything a post mortem because I am so well practised at trying to work out what he is thinking or doing. I am still doing this now whilst we are not in a relationship as there has been no communication with him since he left. He wants a divorce but he cant afford to divorce me and I haven't done anything about it as I feel so emotionally weak to face it all. He is still paying the mortgage and giving me maintenance for his children (which he hasn't seen or spoken to for months now). I feel so anxious about everything and the fact that he still has so much control over my thoughts and emotions. How on earth do I set myself free from someone that I love so much but know I cant have?