Nice to die, 20 plus years of total insignificance.

[Humphrey42]

Where to start. In my twenties I was reasonably optimistic. Since my mid twenties I have become aware of my total irrelevance. Evidence. Twenties going on holidays on my own lack of friends. left a job at BT that had no significance whatsoever after 6 years. Failed relationships. You go in hopeful but the collective effect is damaging. Haven't had a relationship for 5 years plus. I'm 43. Its demoralising. All I can foresee is total irrelevance. Loneliness. Anxiety and depression play a part. Ive been prone to being low since I was about 18 but over the last 2 years it has been very difficult to shake off. It has been very sustained. What is there too look forward to. Older age , loneliness, no family.

[Adorable1]

I understand and I'm sorry you feel like this right now...

I've been in that same place as you...

Sending you a hug and letting you know your not alone...

Xxxxx

[gardengnome]

sorry that you are finding life to be so dire . Not many of us are destined to reach the stars. There is a scene from Douglas Adams Hitchhickers guide to the universe series in which "zaphod Beeblebrox" is put into a machine that is meant to make him go mad by the realisation of his insignificance in this massive universe. But due to his own massive ego he came out feeling even better about himself.

Take another look at that evidence, and be active in seeking out opportunities to create new "evidence". eg. If you can't afford to down-size your job seek out volunteering to help others. Boost your own ego a bit.

Only a handfull of people will be M.P.s or real life heros, it is annoying that the media esp creates such unrealistic expectations in glamour mags etc when a century back success for most people was measured in keeping a roof over your head.

Yes you will get old, but it is up to you how that journey goes. There are many ways to try to limit those automatic negative thoughts and it sounds like you need to explore them, meantime work on that positive side of the evidence equation, just remember you don't need to be the next Alan Sugar or Mother Teresa ...but who knows like Zaphod it pays to have a big ego. A

[hamble99b]

Andy, I have proof of how significant you are in words written by a wise and clearly special caring, understanding person, who has helped others through their own words and advice and encouragement.

that person is you!

I was going to send you a private message, so clicked on your name.

this brought up all your recent blogs and replies, which I read.

you have a gift with your words.

you share it well with others.

you touch many people and have a positive effect on their lives.

by eloquently voicing your thoughts & feelings, you give a voice to those who have similar feelings and experiences;

the replies you give or receive are the answers they are seeking.

you and the other equally wonderful people on this site who take time to blog, share and respond are why this site helps so many.

You are important.

You are not insignificant. It is the negative side of anxiety and depression that tries to make us feel this way.

the positive side is still there, it's just sometimes we feel too tired or low to find it.

There is an excellent saying "Fear shouts, Hope whispers" it is when we can quiet ourselves and listen to that "still, small, voice of calm" that we can look at what we are feeling; that panic & fear lose their power.

I was taught to find a safe place where I could allow myself to cry if I needed to - tears are very healing.

I was terrified that if I let the tears and feelings out, I would go so far down, I'd never come back, I'd lose my mind. - this doesn't happen. the mind is very clever and will protect itself and you only go as far as you need to.

with sincerity,

sandra.

[Hidden in reply to hamble99b]

Well said Sandra!

[kermitandpiggy]

Please, please believe that you have every right to be in this world as any of us, things may not be to our liking, but you are not alone in feeling this way. I am not the best person to give you advice, but sometimes optimisim towards life helps and talking to a friend.

[Hidden]

Andy, I can really identify with what you are saying & feel your pain. Your life echoes my own: I was also optimistic in my twenties but over the years, failed jobs & relationships have taken their toll. Now 43 I find myself single with few friends & no family to turn to. I try not to dwell on the past but it is hard & it haunts me every day. I worry about the future - growing old alone. I just wish I could find the peace & happiness that has eluded me all my life.

I often think what the point is of it all. What is the meaning of happiness? People say friends & family but what if you have neither. Just a life of regrets & unhappy memories. Those demons on my shoulder - I wish they would shut up!

Please take comfort in the fact that you are definitely not alone. There are so many in the same boat. We can all support each other.

Stay strong.

x

[Blaqueen]

Hey

I know exactly where you're coming from and I struggle with this on a daily basis.

Simply put anxiety and depression takes the joy out of life - or should I say they disable our ability to see the joy IN life.

After all, joy can be found in the simplest of places - but anxiety and depression prevents us from seeing and appreciating that.

I'm at the stage where I KNOW it - but can't feel it. Still waking up on a daily basis feeling nauseous with depression and anxiety and struggling pathetically through the day.

However, what I can say to you is this........if you can find the strength to seek help - from perhaps your GP, and in the form of say medication and perhaps some form of therapy - then you will begin to see the light.

If you think 60 is the new 40 . . . you've prolly got around 40 odd years to go which MEANS (in my world) that I have to get myself sorted out (as damn hard as it is) so I make the most of it

Take lots of care and stay strong.

xx

[Coliboo]

Hi Humphrey42 - I hope that by the time you are reading this, you are feeling a little brighter. I,too, struggle with depression and often feel that I have not fulfilled my potential. At the moment I am a little calmer and trying to find pleasure in the small everyday things - a walk in the woods, a hug, a book or music.

I am 53 in a few weeks and very often feel older than that . I have a husband (who works away) and two teenagers - believe me families are not an automatic answer to feeling lonely.

Keep posting because I speak from experience when i say sharing really helps.

Col xxx

[Hidden]

Hun I'm sure we all feel like this at sometime in our lives, some more than others and it seems to get worse as we get older and our old ways fall away and we have yet to build new ways. Its suprising how many people are aware of us, how many would miss us if we left, might even be the morning nod to the postman. I have to admit its easier to build a life on line than in reality but it doesn't give the same feelings as when our interactions are face to face. Can I suggest that as you feel your life is basically a blank canvas you start to put things into it that will fill the void you describe. My first thought is voluntary work with those who are far more needy than friends and family. Give of yourself and you will recieve far more than you bargained for, you will not only be needed you will be wanted be it the youngsters or the elderly, special needs or help in the community there is so much out there waiting for you go for it. At 43 make up your mind not to repeat the last 20 years in the next 20 years.

Col hit the nail on the head when she said families are not the answer, we can feel lonely and insignificant in a crowded room. Good luck and lets know how it goes xx

[soldier]

Everyone is insignificant in the whole scheme of things, so just be insignificant and live your life the best you can, i have severe depression and times when i can't think straight, it seems that life is not worth living, but if i take anti deppressants it is, 100% proof that i am not thinking straight when i feel like that.

if you live a life acheiving absolutly zero, but were a good person, did no harm, and appreciated this beutifull planet we live on then your life will have been "worth it". All this baggage we drag along in our complicated lives is junk we don't need.