dealing with depression

[pitzey]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post on dealing with this illness...

Ok i have suffered boughts of depression on and off for a about ten years but this time its bad,,,,,,,,

I had a run of bad luck 5 years ago , dec 2008 my best mate dies in a car crash,feb 2009 my wife asks me to leave, may 2009 move into my new house, december 2009 my dad dies of cancer feb 2010 i lose my job .... i have no confidence what so ever and its getting worse .... please help

[Suzie40]

Hi there, and welome to the forum. It certainly sounds like you've had a really tough time of it recently. It's great that you're reaching out for support on here and I know you will get it. You haven't said what help, if any, you are already receiving. Have you been to see the doctor or similar? X

[pitzey]

Hi there , Yes sorry ... i have been to the doctors and they have given me citalopram 10mg per day. Also i am seeing a counselor which is going ok. Still does not get rid of constant negative thoughts and the feeling of low self esteem, i have been told i am being promoted at work , problem is with all this going on i dont think i am ready for it so dont know what to do about that either..... i do have a lot going for me but cant seem to enjoy or see whats around me .... so annoying even had suicidal thoughts come into my head.... and have been suffering from a bye gemini heart beat since being depressed x

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm sorry you are feeling so low despite meds and things improving at work. It sounds as though you've been under a high level of stress for a long time.

I notice you say your best mate died and your marriage ended and I am wondering whether you have been able to fully grieve those two losses. I imagine it's difficult for a man to really grieve the loss of a male friend but as he was your best friend the loss will have been huge. I wonder whether it might help you to really go into your feelings about that friend, to write about him, about all the things you remember him for, the times you had together, and how you feel about his life ending. My guess is that you are very angry about the car crash and the way it suddenly left you without your best friend, and that you are turning that anger inwards towards yourself. Depression is usually the result of anger that the person feels is unreasonable or dangerous but anger is a normal reaction to loss.

You also say your wife asked you to leave and that must have been very difficult for you. I don't know whether it was expected or a shock, and whether you feel you contributed to her decision or she did, but whatever the reason the marriage ended it will have been another loss for you. I think you may need to grieve that loss fully too, by sharing with the counsellor your beliefs about why the marriage ended, and in particular about what you believe was your contribution to that happening as you may feel either guilt about what you did or rage about what was done to you. Either way the feelings will not help you to move on unless you are able to accept them and share them with someone.

I'm glad things are looking up for you at work. It must be difficult for you to contemplate taking on more responsibility at this stage but perhaps you have to trust your managers to know you can do the new work.

It's never easy moving on from depression but if you can allow yourself to share the negative feelings and particularly those relating to your low self-esteem and how you think that came about during your development I think you will be able to move on despite your heart problem. You are clearly a strong person who is able to ask for help in a straightforward way which is a good sign.

Take care,

Suexx

[FallenAngel]

hi Pitzey .

I have learnt with depression there is no easy answer . I at the moment am feeling let down . When you feel all alone and like life is not worth living who do you turn to where do you go? I have stopped taking my pills , Iv tried about 6 so far and none have helped me .

I lost my mum almost a year ago and the pain will not go away, My daughter left home . so I find myself alone all day all night and I hate it .I really hope the pills you are taking help you .

You have suffered great losses and you need help with that . I am seeing my gp today and I just hope she can help me stop feeling so lost and alone .

Good Luck to you

sharon x