Kindness

[Photogeek]

I know it sounds a strange title but it comes from my favourite Poem, this Poem helps me so much. poets.org/viewmedia.php/prm...

It reminds me to be kind to myself when I am not measuring up to my own expectations, and to be kind to others too, even though they might be driving me nuts. I have been reasonably well lately, but I seem to be disorganized in my apartment. Its small and I always have it clean, but its untidy due to my painting bit and pieces, some days I find it so hard to motivate myself to tidy it up and put stuff where it should go. Then I sit and look at the mess and get really down and feel I am a total failure and a procrastinator, so this causes me a lot of pain, I feel I am not kind to myself sometimes.

In between this mess I had a lovely time last week with my friends two girs Hannah 12 and Rachel who is 9. They love coming to me and that means a lot to me as I could not have children. I love them to bits, and know I am a warm kind and loving person. But I find it so hard to prioritise house chores and just get overwhemed. I find it really hard to ask for help, its the way I am, and I notice that people always tell me their worries and problems, and rarely ask how I am doing. My friend says its because I am too kind, so I need to work on being maybe more assertive.

I get a lot of help and hope from reading everyones posts and Sue especially gives such compassionate and practical advice. Does anyone have any ideas I could use for tidying up my stuff and getting on top of things, I hope this blog was not too boring and too much of a mish mash.

Love to you all

Hannah

[Lois1959]

Hannah,

I too am a procratinator (never used to be). My house could do with a good clean and the garden is a mess!! I haven't been well this week have a horrible virus but yesterday I managed to mow the lawn. I got the strimmer out but it wouldn't work and that's got me all in a dither because I am anxious to get it done. Having said that I think I overdid it because I feel ill again today. My main reason for wanting to tidy the garden was to get me outside over the BH weekend (it wasn't going to happen otherwise) and I felt that bloody stubborn that this virus wasn't going to add to my feeling of despair.

I also feel under pressure as I need to find a job after being made redundant in late 2011. Although I want to get back to work desperately I feel stressed about having to be online everday doing so. This then makes the other things at home back up....hence more stress!!

I don't like asking for help either but to be honest I don't really have anyone to ask. I feel a bit miffed as well as I find that when my friends are going through difficult times they are always on the phone but as soon as they regain their equlibrioum so to speak I might as well have fallen off the planet...I too have felt as you describe that I must be more assertive; after all I need to look after myself or how can I help others when they need it...I just can't say no. I hardly ever see my friends nowadays most of them were from work and have disappeared from my life and the 2 close ones- 1 has a partner and the other has so many other friends that I don't see her that often; it's a question of when she can fit me in which I find quite upsetting.

I try and justify it like this (although it gnaws away at me) the chores will still be there tomorrow; and then try to deal with them bit by bit like baby steps.

I have done something positive today though...I am going out next Saturday by myself (let's face it no-one else was going to ask me to join them) to a talk by a famous actor at a film festival. I can't stand these 4 walls any longer!! I figured I decided I deserved to do something for me for once as you describe be kind to myself.

I think when we feel low we do beat ourselves up about things others wouldn't.

If it helps make yourself a list .....and tick each chore off one by one....you will feel you have achieved something and it will give you a much deserved boost.

Take Care x

[Photogeek in reply to Lois1959]

Hi Lois,

Thank you very much for reply, it was helpful, its hard when you have the pressure of looking for a job as well. Its great that you are going out to the Film Festival,

Take care of yourself.

Hannah x

[Suzie40]

Hiya! I understand the house thing oh so well! Some days I start with a plan. It might be to clean one room at a time. Other times I set out to do the whole house in a morning. Sometimes it's to just put the clothes away on one day, Hoover the next and clean the day after. Very rarely a plan ever materialises. I have so much 'stuff' it's untrue. Over filled cupboards, busy shelves, piles of paperwork. And then there's the clothes. They engulf my house. People visit me and I feel ashamed of myself. My mum says it's my house and my business, but I hate being judged by people. I don't really have any helpful advice sorry, but you're absolutely not alone! X

[Photogeek]

Hi Suzie,

Yes you are right, and your Mum is right its nobodys business. Thanks for sharing, that I am not alone, makes me feel better.

Hannah x

[hamble99b]

a possible coping strategy

I have found myself that only planning for the next 5 or ten minutes works.

just plan 10 minute tasks and no more, then rest or do something nice for 10 mins.

if you finish in time - well done.

if you don't then you just underestimated the task, ok stop and make the rest part of the next task.

if you finish early - well done, add the time left to your free time you earned it!

this removes any pressure from doing the tasks and you will start to manage with practice - one of my early tasks was to go fill the kettle, rest, then make a cup of tea, in my rest period I got to relax and drink it!

don't be tempted to just go on to the next task, the r&r is important as we can get too ambitious, overwhelmed and unable to do anything, it's not about a race, it's about pacing and allowing yourself to relax and to be YOU.

regards,

sandra.

[Photogeek]

Sandra,

Thank you very much, I will try this strategy, thats it I don't pace myself.

Hannah