A long road to recovery...

[miserables]

So I think I have finally admitted to myself that my depression might not shift if I don't take my meds. So tonight - have started and WILL continue I'm glad I waited really until I was ready but I'm dissapoinbted it took me 6 or maybe longer months! After a few very bad weeks I decided I can't change my psast but I can stop it from aFfecting my future...so here it goes. Also palnning to go to quit smoking this weekend hoping I get prescribed champix as smoking brings me no pleasure anymore. One thing I find myself yearning for is a friend, I can't remember the last time I had the comfort of a true friend. But at 26 yrs old how does one find themself with not a friend. And how would I even make friends now? Is it bad to contact old friends after 10+ years?? Very lonely...almost not so lost x

[Aurora-auspice]

Hi there, Good choices hope all goes well

As for friends I have had same problem for well over forty years!!! Several times I have tried to reconnect with people I REALLY liked from the past often with no contact for over ten years in fact one successful re-connection (well the one that lasted longest in a sporadic way) I hadn't had any contact or knowledge of since primary school so at least thirty years! But for me, I have lots of friendly acquaintances but never recognised them as true friends and never long term - resulting in deep depression and sadness.

Recently I found out why, and to my amazement it did not come purely from my past traumas, resulting behaviours and perceptions but also from undiagnosed moderate Aspergers and ADHD.

Since this diagnosis (still very recent) I have managed to join groups online and discussed shared traits and as I am slowly beginning to understand myself I have begun to see possibilities of reciprocal friendship which is 'heart-warming' & fills me with hope!

I think, certainly in my experience, contacting people after a long break, when there is a prior positive link or previous friendship can be wonderful. It is sometimes greeted with not only surprise but delight like being welcomed back into some long lost distant family forging bomds that are stronger than ever, but again in my experience if you allow previous poor 'friendship skills' to interfere with building the renewed relationship then the pattern repeats and unfortunately it far more rare to reconnect with another attempt and on the third attempt with everyone it seems you are permanently out!!!

With relationships that ended less positively that I have apologised and reconnected with, have been absolutely flabbergasted that I had thought I had done something wrong, offensive or hurtful (always unintentionally) in most cases and I have found myself bitterly regretting my fear and consequent hesitation in contacting them BUT of course I then repeat the pattern. NEVER AGAIN now I'm learning strategies of human interaction the rest will be a matter of practice makes perfect.

I only recently gave up smoking and it has also been very beneficial especially financially and if I had managed to do it earlier I would have managed to recover from the after effects quickly the way I recovered ankd repaired when younger!

You are still very young have a lifetime ahead of you and I wish you every success!!!

Love & hugs Aurora