Porn Addiction almost ruined my life.

[SamuelJ52]

TLDR; Porn damages the male brain in a particularly nasty and insidious way. It can and has ruined whole swathes of men and boys.

So I'm 26 and I've been watching online pornography and masturbating every day (sometimes multiple times) since I was about 13 and only in the last couple of months did I realise that porn is harmful and addictive.

For years I thought I was just suffering from depression and anxiety. Living life thinking I was just an introverted person who wasn't very sociable. It was so hard managing life on my own, I thought that was just normal and that everyone else was just better at dealing with life, I believed there was just something inherently wrong with me.

I feel foolish looking back, but no one ever told me it was bad and my peers certainly made it seem normal. Both in real life and online I saw men joking about porn use. I look back at those interactions and memes with sadness now.

Evolution did not prepare us for porn. Your brain thinks masturbating to porn is successfully mating with a new females and rewards you as such. This is the most powerful natural dopamine hit you can get. Now thanks to the internet you can engage with unlimited new mates pretty much when and wherever you want. It's hyper stimulation to the brain. This makes three major things happen to the brain over time. 1) Your reward circuitry becomes hypersensitive to porn, needing only a thought to start craving it. 2) That same circuitry becomes desensitized to everything else. Everything that should feel rewarding in life like hard work, excercise and most productive activity doesn't.

3) Perhaps most tragic is the effect on the pre-frontal cortex. This is the part of the brain responsible for 'executive control' (Abstract thinking, motivation for goal-directed activity, planning and problem solving, inhibiting impules, Flexibility/Openess, weighing consequences of actions). It's called 'hypofrontality' but essentially the constant dopamine from the reward center causes the pre-frontal cortex to become deficient.

It's been over two months since I quit using porn entirely. As soon as I found out what it was doing to me, why I was struggling with life it was an easy decision. I'm already feeling amazing, my friends, family and partner all day I seem like a new man, I'm more open, talking about my anxieties and getting strong. It's very painful looking back at all that time I struggled with life never knowing I could have taken control of it, but it's never too late to stop and see the potential of life. My depression has almost entirely lifted, my anxiety definitely spiked during my withdrawal and it was severe but meditation, excercise and the support of my loved ones got me through it. I also don't mind telling you I've had the best sex I've ever had with my partner in recent weeks. Now I'm just rebuilding my life from the rubble but I'm full of hope.

Any men out there, if you use porn regularly please think about stopping, your brain will thank you and you will thank yourself.

[Cipher]

Porn isn't bad in itself, is what people make out of it, some people get addicted to it sure, but I would say the majority don't and are fine about it. So because you had such an experience, does not mean that everyone else will. I've been watching porn for years and years now, I am not addicted to it at all.

But I am glad you managed to get over it and are back on the right track again. Good luck to you in your endeavours !

[SamuelJ52 in reply to Cipher]

Look. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. But this is honestly exactly what I used to think to myself and it made me blind. I used it for years and years. Perhaps it is possible to use responsibly, but would you say it's possible to smoke cigarettes responsibly.

It doesn't matter who you are porn effects your brain, that is not a matter of personal choice. Usage across time cements these effects. I understand that it has become normalised by a lot of society but that doesn't mean anything other than it is popular and personally I see that as tragic.

Everyone ought to be taught about addiction-related brain change as part of education. Using porn is no different to using something like Heroin to alter your state of mind and it effects the brain in the same way. The difference between them is the length of the high and severity of withdrawal.

I implore you try living without for a few months to a years and see how you feel. If makes no difference then okay. I hope you have a good day and just think about this a bit.

[Cipher in reply to SamuelJ52]

It is different as drugs, smoking and alcohol is putting chemicals in your body that don't belong there or don't naturally occur. Porn gives you a visual image that stimulates your hormones and chemicals that naturally occur in your body.

Now I don't deny that some people get addicted to it, watching porn I mean, but is not true for everybody, so it shouldn't be treated as the "standard".

You are free to do whatever, I don't judge nor care whether you watch porn or not that is your own personal thing, but generalising that people watching porn are addicted is just not ok imo.

[SamuelJ52 in reply to Cipher]

I'm afraid whether you inject heroin or spank it to porn what happens in the brain is the same. The drugs and alcohol just artificially prolong how much of those natural chemicals we get. Porn does the same thing, it is not natural to be able whip a new reproductive partner out of your pocket anytime, anywhere.

I'm not saying everyone is addicted, but if you can't stop using it and feel the need to defend it's usage then you might well be. I used to be the same. When I first heard the concept of porn addiction I had the same attitude.

[Cipher in reply to SamuelJ52]

I am replying to you out of respect, because you took the time and effort to reply to my post I do the same to yours. I stated in my previous comment that I don't care whether you watch porn or not, it is your own personal thing and it doesn't bother me the slightest.

I only had an "issue" with encouraging others to stop watching porn as in your opinion, it tells you "jacking off makes you think you had sex with a partner" which isn't true. You think people weren't masturbating before pornography ?

Do as you please, it is not my concern nor care, just saying. Porn in itself isn't bad and doesn't make you addicted as a standard.

Best of luck to you man.

Edit: Forgot one more thing. By your logic, fantasising about sex is also bad, because that too "makes you think you mated with a person", which leads me to think you have an issue with masturbation itself, or am I misunderstanding you? Or is it "Watching something and masturbating to it is wrong, but thinking about something and masturbating is ok?" Which doesn't make sense, so is it masturbation you are having an issue with?

[SamuelJ52 in reply to Cipher]

I only ask you keep an open mind.

Of course people masturbated before pornography. Relying on one's own imagination based on your own sexual memories quite natural. Video pornography is a unique new stimulus though, this is not my logic this is research showing that video pornography effects the brain in this way.

[goodperson in reply to Cipher]

Good point Cipher. I think I logically agree with your point but I also think it is very hard to not be addicted to porn.

[Joey56799]

By the sounds of it, in your case you obviously masturbated far too much... first of all how did you find the time?? lol Reading your post, masturbating at least once and multiple times a day explains why you weren't enjoying sex as much, you've exhausted your sexual energy before trying to use it with your partner.. But can you blame the porn on the fact you masturbated so much?? you can masturbate with thoughts or a magazine or just because the boner is there.. I think your case is one end of the spectrum of what guys do.. I dare say that most guys might masturbate a couple of times a week.. Porn addiction comes down to how much importance you give it, if you feel the need to be watching porn all day everyday then maybe thats a problem.. You talk about mental health issues and im no psychiatrist but reading between the lines, porn became your crutch or fix to pass the time and escape thoughts of reality.. Thats not the porns fault, thats you using it to fill a void..

I hope this doesn't sound condescending but i can only comment what i feel.. Im pleased that your finding life better and that your personal life is improving. I truly wish you the best in the future and things only get better..

[SamuelJ52 in reply to Joey56799]

Video pornography is a unique hyper-stimulator for the brain. Also 'daily' is just to gneralise given this was a 13 year habit sometimes I'd go a few days without, others I might indulge multiple times.

It does come off a little condescending but then you can't be blamed for not knowing my situation. It'skind of the opposite way round, I had no idea it was affecting my behaviour because having started at an early age I had no frame of reference for normal life. The pornography made a void in my life that all my everyday joy at being alive was sucked into. Since I stopped my depression has lifted almost entirely and I'm developing good daily habits like excercise.

Just keep an open mind. Try going without it, see if you can, see what happens.

[Joey56799 in reply to SamuelJ52]

Im totally open minded.. As for me watching porn, its not a regular thing at all.. I do go months without watching it.. I enjoy sex with my partner so do not need the stimulus of porn on a regular basis.. Also my life is solely focused on self gratification. I dont feel the need to masturbate that often even when im going through a dry patch with the other half. Its circumstances, at 13 i wasn't watching porn, i was being a teenager. So different experiences lead to different outcomes.. Your right i dont know your situation fully but i can only comment on what you have written..

In the interest of being open minded, bear in mind there are people who can use porn for what it is and not be affected in a serious way.

[SamuelJ52 in reply to Joey56799]

Hey I get where you're coming from. I'm not saying it's impossible to use it and not become addicted. I just wish there was more of an attitude of caution around it, or that someone had told me it can be addictive when I was younger. I know how easily it can happen and how hard it can be to recognise. I don't mean to come off confrontational here as this should be a supportive place. I just can't help worrying about all the men and boys out there who can and do fall into the trap.

[Hidden]

Hi Sam ..nice post..this gave me an insight to alot of questions in my mind..I'm not addicted to porn..but similar along the lines I'm a sex addict and masturbate multiple times a day!..I cant take my mind off it and your post is so true with how it affects your life . Thanks for posting...

[SamuelJ52]

Hey no problem. I'm glad someone appreciated it 😊 It's often met with defensiveness, downplaying and denial when I bring the topic up. People really don't want to think porn is bad for them, or rather their brains don't want to 😋. Do you attend SAA at all? I went to my first couple of meetings in the last week and found it such a lovely and supportive experience, there's a lot of people out there with problems like us, really makes me feel less alone in it.

[goodperson]

Great post Sam but I think I agree with the others. In my view, porn is like gambling: a good amount spices life up, but overdosing it your life is ruined. I think your advice is really good for anyone overdosing it. The solution is not necessarily stopping it but reducing the amount.

[SamuelJ52]

Thanks man. Yeah there are no absolutes. I think people should just be aware though that as far as parts of our brains are concerned watching video porn is equal to getting laid. It's existence is a tragedy but it still exists.