Am I OK?

[Paulleo]

Hi... I am a 35 year old male, I have a good job, a flat and luckily in good health. But my goodness am I angry and if I am honest I can get very low in myself. The thing is is that I hate trying to communicate these feeling with anyone else. I have tried before and all I get is 'dont worry about it.' So I dont feel as if am even entitled to feel like crap because somehow i feel like i am making a big deal out of nothing. And thats the thing, I dont (thank goodness) have any real major troubles. In fact I try and dodge potential issues like the plague. I have developed a decent self deprecating humour to cope but it is at the expense of my self esteem. I wont even bother to go into my troubles with finding a girl friend. I generally dont know what I am doing with my life.

[Philip]

Your in a very dark place sadly, as you mention about talking about it, you can always contact Samaritans and have a chat and maybe together you can get to the bottom of your feelings, 116123 freephone, at least that way you can keep your privacy plus they won't judge you and it is very confidential. Just another option.

Take care and I hope you find the answers soon.

Philip

[Paulleo in reply to Philip]

To be honest yesterday was just mentally a bad day... I feel fine now. I defiantly dont call it depression or bi-polar it is just when i feel low i feel relly low and will always find it difficult to express my feelings when i am like this. Strange thing is that I never felt like this before i hit my mid thirties and my emotions and feelings have changed quite a bit. I am now unsure how i feel about life and where i fit in with the world but I am not in a real dark place. I just want to vent and get this off my chest. So big thank you for the reply.

[nickItaly]

Dear Paulleo

I'm Nick, Italian, 53. My English is not good enough to understand well your feelings. Your English is a little bit hermetic for me. However, I think you feel blue, isn't it?

Well, it can be just a period. Have you recently had some negative experience, such as death, or divorce or disappointment at work or something of the sort? If yes, it is probably the recent cause of your depression. If you haven't had any emotional external distress recently, it is more probable that your feeling depend on something more intimate.

I do not know the Samaritans, but anyway talking privately with people you trust can be very helpful. Also you GP can give you help. Your GP could also recommend you to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist colsultant. I now it is not an easy step to undergo. But if necessary, I would recommend you to do this steps. In my life, I have voluntarily (and stupidly) renounced to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist twice, only to find much later that I had to do this step, because it became necessary. It was hard, but very, very helpful.

I am now much more self-confident, serene and certain of my choices.

If you like, you can write on this site again, explaining better (I mean better for an Italian to understand!) how you feel, and I will give you all the advice I know to overcome your feelings.

See you soon

Nick

[Paulleo in reply to nickItaly]

Thanks for the reply. Not sure how I can write this to be more accommodating for you but ill try. Truth is I have always felt quite lonely as a person. For years I have shut myself off from the world and lied about how i truly feel. I have done Cognitive Behavioural Therapy before so I can go back to it. My confidence and optimism is low and has been for quite some time. I dont know how to get out of this rut.

[nickItaly in reply to Paulleo]

Hi Paulleo

now I understand better. I'm a medical doctor, but I do not practise the profession, I'm an academic researcher and teacher. So take my advice more as an educated friend's than as a physician's.

I presume that you have some hidden trouble not yet sorted out. I do not know well Cognitive and Behavioural Therapy, but its aim is usually to overcome a problem by getting used to it. For example, if you are arachnophobic, this therapy should put you gradually in contact with spiders, and little by little you get used to see or even touch spider and you have so overcome the problem. Good. But if, as in your case, some problem persist, I think that verbal psychotherapy or even psychoanalysis should give you much more. They have two different aims. The first aim (psychotherapy, milder), an aim that you can achieve also with one session each week, is to reinforce your blessed Ego against the stresses that your Superego persistently imposes on it. Very good. The second, deeper aim (and one need in my opinion at least three session each week, so to say a true psychoanalysis) is recognizing what is hidden in your unconscious mind, pull it out to consciousness and tackle with it, which means to recognize what it is and empty it of the unpleasant feelings that it gives you. This is the best in my opinion. For example, you will come to know that your aracnophobia derives from some unpleasant and forgotten remote experiences, you manage to recall these experiences (through the analysis of your dreams and your free mental associations in the presence of the therapist), you look at them with much more mature eyes, and you manage to remove the unpleasant feelings when you look at a spider. The same can be said about an unpleasant recurrent thought: you will manage to control and to nullify the unpleasant feeling which that thought gives you, even if the tought comes back into your mind. The thought can recurs but you do not suffer anymore. Remember that any type of thoughts can be the subject of a neurosis, from the simplest, to the more strange.

A medical doctor (psychiatrist and/or psychoanalyser) can also give you some medicaments that can help you during the path of psychotherapy/psychoanalysis. Or he can also decide to use medicaments as the main tool and to meet you less frequently (for instance one or twice a month). The different options are to be discussed with the specialist.

Of course all these options have some costs: money, time, engagement of the mind etc. But i can assure you: it is worth taking some of these paths.

My advice is not to lose time. Life is short. Moreover, the younger you are, the more psychotherapy will work!

I wish you the best. And tell me if I have helped you at least a little bit.

I'm always available for further advice/suggestions

Let me know

Nick

[Paulleo in reply to nickItaly]

Hi Nick. I spoke to a good friend at work today and for the first time in goodness knows how long I had a good cry. I did not realise just how lonely I was feeling and I have taken on the same advice that you are giving. It has been a sad but productive couple of days for me and I thank you for your support.

[nickItaly in reply to Paulleo]

If you need again my support write to me. If you like I will listen to you. I have personal experience of psychoanalysis and as a medical doctor I must keep secret our conversations. Tell me if you would like to have my email address and my Skype address. Please feel free and safe in contacting me. See you soon. Nick

[Hidden]

Be careful , Paullio, seems to me , and I am no expert , but you could be just a tiny bit depressed .. young males do cover up this sense of disconnectivity stuff with humour .. it's a known thing but go and see your primary health provider .. GP . If he doesnt treat what you say ,with kindness and acknowledgement , change docs . Do not get fobbed off . This is really important to talk these things through . It may be quicker to go privately as there's a huge back log of people waiting for the next step .. but get this feeling logged in with your GP . Getting happier with yourself could be a major way forward for you . However it can be a long process. You have all the stuff in place so it's understandable that you feel that the next part of your life isn't happening yet .. this is a wonderful time for you actually .. this is the time you get to know what makes you tick and be the person you're meant to be . Don't beat yourself up though .. your mates are probably feeling the same . Blokes don't talk about this stuff but it's so important .. do you have a friend you could tentatively start talking about this to ?not when you're on the lash though !!

[Paulleo]

Thank you for that response.

[Paulleo in reply to Paulleo]

Just to elaborate my personal issues seem to be about feeling lonely and not enjoying my time off. I have created a bit of a rut for myself and now need to think again about what makes me happy. I thank you for your support and all the best.

[kirubagaran]

there are three things u should understand asa human being.

1) WHO ARE U?

2) WHERE HAVE U COME FROM?

3)WHAT IS YOUR DESTINATION?

BE HONEST AND SEARCH FOR THE ANSWERS.

[Paulleo in reply to kirubagaran]

Does this philosophy have a positive effect on your life?

[kirubagaran in reply to Paulleo]

THIS IS NOT PHILOSOPHY AND ANY ABSTRAT CONCEPTS.

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ARE ARE ONLY RELATIVE TERMS.

WHAT IS PLEASURE FOR ONE MAN IS PAINFUL FOR OTHER.

EX.SUGAR IS UNTOUCHABLE FOR DIABETIC BUT OK FOR OTHERS. SO THERE IS NOTHING BAD IN SUGAR.

BE PRACTICAL AND APPROACH LIFE. THERE ARE 600 BILLIONS HUMAN BEINGS IN THIS WORLD, ALL ARE DIFFERENT. EVERY ONE IS DIFFERENT, PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY , SOCIALLY ETC.

MACROSCOPICALLY IF YOU SEE WHO U ARE, YOU R NOTHING BUT A SPECK IN THE COSMOS.

BUT YOU R IMAGINING WHY ME?

SEE THE SUN EVERY DAY, LEARN MANY THINGS FROM IT.

BYE FOR NOW.

[Paulleo in reply to kirubagaran]

That is a bit to deep for me

[kirubagaran]

SHALLOW DRILLING DOES NOT GET YOU WATER BUT DEEP BORE WELLS GIVES.

[Paulleo]

Thank you but I feel that I am not really sure how to reply to this.