How to Offend Your Male Patients

[Youngren]

I had what I thought was a blackhead in my pubic hair so I made an appointment with an all-female dermatology office. The reason I made the appointment with a female office is that I don’t like to be touched down there by a male.

When the nurse practitioner came in, she brought her medical assistant. I was not told why the medical assistant was there. I chose to ignore the medical assistant. My blackhead was excised and I was happy with my treatment. At the end of the appointment the nurse practitioner said, “I want to give you a full body skin examination. Since I was 73 and constantly in the sun playing golf, I agreed.

In the meantime, I went on line to find out about a full body skin examination. The one thing that was consistent about every article was the need to “get naked”. One article even said, “If you dermatologist does not ask you to get naked, get another dermatologist.”

When I arrived home from the full body skin exam, I realized that I had never taken off my underwear. The exam had been incomplete.

The next day I was scheduled to have some spots on my face frozen. Before that was done, I complained that my previous examination had been incomplete. The nurse practitioner and the assistant left the room for about 10 minutes. The nurse practitioner and her assistant returned with a female dermatologist who she introduced. I was directed to the examining table where the nurse practitioner did the examination. Now I am completely comfortable letting a woman examine me. She is just doing her job! However, I am naked from the waist down in front of two women who are sitting at my feet just watching. I have an audience! All I can think about it is, “don’t embarrass yourself, don’t get an erection!”

When I requested to be told the reason for the presence of all third parties, they suggested I find another dermatology clinic.

The purpose of the medical assistant was for record keeping. Her title was scribe. What was the reason for the presence of the dermatologist? After complaining, they finally told me. Since I had complained that my skin examination had been incomplete, the nurse practitioner felt it necessary to have a dermatologist supervise the rest of the exam. I find both explanations satisfactory.

What is the lesson to be learned here? It should be obvious, communicate with your patients. If you bring third parties into the examining room, tell the patient why they are there!