At Rock bottom

[sickandsore]

So.. I’ve reached 50, I started Peri menopause a few years ago now. The beginning of last year I was really struggling to remember things, my mental health was awful, my periods all over the place but when they came I was literally flooding and some days unable to leave the house as it was so bad. I was initially given anti depressants but also started on HRT. After 4 months I came off the anti depressants and found the HRT was a game changer in terms of mood, and bleeding was much lighter. However a year on was slipping again and so GP increased my progesterone capsules and gel pumps and I started getting crippling migraines that went on for days. So I requested to try patches as had heard from colleagues that they had worked better for them.

The patches seemed to increase my mood swings, I was erratic and snappy and the bleeding was horrendous along with sickness and cramps that I hadn’t experienced since teenage years!

I’ve been so run down and feeling tired and emotional, picking up viruses left right and centre too, My GP has signed me off work( which hasn’t gone down well and puts me under financial strain) he suggested we stop the patches and go back to baseline and talk again in 3 weeks. I ended up in hospital last week due to intense chest pains and that turned out to be GORD related thankfully not my heart. Last year I’d had a heart scare and ended up under going angioplasty but didn’t need stenting thankfully.

I’m feeling utterly useless, worthless and yesterday woke up feeling like I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I feel anger at myself for being like this as I’m lucky, I have a wonderful husband and children and I know it would be so selfish to leave the people I love. These intense feelings of just wanting to finish my life have scared me, I had it all planned in my head what I was going to do. I told my husband I was feeling low but not that I had planned to take my life. I feel like a burden my work colleagues must be fed up with me not being there again, this is the 3rd time I’ve had to take time out this year( I’m rarely ill) so I’m scared I may lose my job now. I feel lost, I’m still here and I’m trying to push through to get through each day, I have lots to look forward to and I’m usually one of those annoying the glass is half full kinda people, so all this is really alien these intense feelings of worthlessness. How does everyone else cope with this? I’m taking vitamin supplements, I’m bit anaemic I think from last weeks heavy bleed so I’m dosing up on iron rich foods. I feel like I need to see or speak to an HRT specialist GP or nurse, the hospital told me last week I shouldn’t give up on HRT but my GP, lovely as he is, isn’t really coming up with anything to help me. So I’m thinking do I ho down the natural route of supplements and exercise?

I’m also suffering with pain down below, soreness, stinging and internal burning which I think is atrophy? I’ve been swabbed by the practice nurse and it’s nothing infection wise but she did warn me things are heading south a bit and do my pelvic floors, I’m also having issues with leaking( when I cough or sneeze or laugh hard) so I’m doing my pelvic floors regularly.

Anyways I’m literally feeling very alone with all this, I feel like I don’t know where or who to turn to, I hate going to the GP as feel like I’m always there at the moment for one thing or another.

Any advice on HRT treatments or where I could go to seek support? And employment wise what support would my employer legally have to provide as I’m scared I’m going to be put through disciplinary despite being signed off by my GP. I just can’t face leaving my house much at the moment and feel permanently exhausted and tearful.

🙏 for reading

[Junkjournal1]

Hi sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment you are certainly not on your own. I’m 52 and have suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for many years. I have been on Sertraline for quite a few years upping and downing the dose. I’m currently back to slowly upping the dose as I feel many of the things that you are feeling anxiety tearful worthless and all the guilt of feeling like it. I did try HRT patches a couple of of year ago but they made me feel totally out of control and gave me stronger feelings of wanting to end my life than I previously had before I went on them so much so that I’m terrified of trying any other forms of HRT. Sorry I’m not trying to scare you or make you change your mind about the patches more to make you aware. You might end up being okay 🙏. I gave it five weeks and was bleeding heavily for most of those until I just had to come off of them. I really feel for you it’s so hard there’s no easy fix all I can say is I’m thinking of you and share many of your struggles.Try to be kind to yourself give yourself time and patience really hope you find something that works for you 🤗🙏 I understand 😩🙏

[SingC]

Hello!

You are very much not on your own. Peri menopause is just awful and can be a huge struggle for some of us.

Your body is under extreme stress, so it’s logical that there were would be repercussions on your mental health. You know, there is always someone to talk to. Samaritans will always listen, whether or not you’re actually feeling suicidal right then. There are other local charities that will listen, such as The Listening Place in London.

If you’ve been getting flooding, then your body is depleted just because of loss of blood. I’ve heard of some women having blood transfusions in these circumstances. Personally, I was shocked at the deep-seated exhaustion I felt after bleeding for two and a half weeks straight. The reason that we find this difficult to cope with is that it is genuinely awful! But at least peri menopause will eventually end.

I wonder if it’s worth going back to your GP practice and asking to be seen by a menopause specialist. It seems to me that you haven’t exhausted all the options with HRT. It might be valuable to sit down and talk to someone who really knows the subject and can suggest possible ways forward. Might it be worth going back to your original dose of HRT? That seems to have been the one that worked best so far. Would that be an improvement from where you are now?

For me, I was put on non-bleed HRT, after not bleeding for eight months. I loved it at first, but then started bleeding so much (on non-bleed medication!!) that it was unbearable. I’m now off HRT altogether and on amitriptyline instead, in an attempt to help my worst peri menopausal symptom, which was disturbed sleep, resulting in anxiety. So far that’s working quite well, but I am feeling increased irritability.

But many women find HRT a life-saver. I think it’s very individual. So, it’s worth taking advice on whether a different form or dose might work for you.

Above all, know that you are not alone. You can always share your problems on here and find a sympathetic audience. And it’s worth asking the nicest woman you know who is going through or has been through this age. I have found some of my female friends extremely helpful and happy to talk about their experience and the solutions they found.

Hoping you find a good solution!

[KBird01]

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Like many on these forums, I can completely relate to much of what you're experiencing.

You have mentioned you are slightly anaemic. I wonder if your GP has done any comprehensive blood tests? I started with query Meno symptoms almost 7 years ago and have had periods in that time where I've been barely able to function. I had to strongly resist antidepressants as they were constantly pushed on me.

I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and discovered that my ferritin (iron stores) have been consistently low in all that time, despite my GP saying they were 'in range'. Don't underestimate the impact of low iron, or many other vitamins on your health - it can be devastating.

Since treating myself with iron, and various other vitamins on a very strict regime, I have turned my health round in a couple of months and feel better mentally and physically than I have for literally years. I'm currently trialling reducing my HRT, as I'm not convinced this was ever the issue and if it was, it certainly wasn't the whole picture.

I'm not saying this to say jump in and randomly treat yourself, as overdosing iron for example can have serious health effects. Just to give consideration that there may be other underlying causes and that being a 'lady of a certain age' often results in prejudicial (and then inaccurate) treatment from the medical profession.

Sending big hugs in the meantime. 🤗🤗🤗

[sickandsore]

thank you everyone, I have remained off the HRT and due to see my Dr next week, I’m not sure whether to try another form of HRT or stay as I am. Emotionally I’m still a bit all over the place and the hot flushes are far worse, I’ve yet to have my next period! I have really bad pmt symptoms at the moment so it will be interesting to see what it’s like..

[Slinky23]

Your original post broke my heart. Did your Doctor help you?

[sickandsore in reply to Slinky23]

Hi yeah he’s put me on the old fashioned HRT however I haven’t started it yet! The side effects terrify me.. am thinking I might just try and do things naturally. X