will I ever be “normal”

[Rufus07]

boyfriend is on a boat on the big lake and I could barely get out of bed! Obviously I didn’t go. I’m on the couch in my pajamas wasting away this beautiful day😔. Why does life have to be like this? But again, if we knew that answer we wouldn’t be here right?

[BaronFrankenstein]

I thought id never feel normal again but things changed a couple of years ago for me. I changed medication from citalopram to Trazadone hydrochloride which seems to be much better for preventing huge mood swings, i.e. depression and mania. It also doesnt seem to deaden your emotions like somecl anti depressants and anti anxiety drugs do. Ive felt more like my old laid back, chilled self than i have done for about 10 years. No exaggeration.

Another thing ive done which people these days may find hard is ive ditched social media, i havent got Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or TikTok.

I realised that i was spending far too much time on them and it wasnt positive as id get into long winded debates and arguments with idiots i didnt even know and werent really interested in what i had to say anyway.

Plus it was just full of generslly negative posts that dragged my mood down and made me fwel the world was just full of ignorant, selfish, hateful fools.

It was hard breaking away because id say i have an addictive/ obsessive personality as well. But it really helped lidt my mood as I wasnt "doom scrolling " every day.

Nowdays I just have a quick look at the news for maybe 10 minutes and check the headlines on the BBC and our local paper and dont dwell on them and use the time i was wasting on social media to do jobs around the house or just do things I enjoy doing, gaming, art, diy, walking, exercising.

The other thing i do is I use an app called Daylio to record my moods and any negative thoughts and feelings every day. This helps by taking things that keep circulating round in my head and making me feel anxious and putting them to bed so to speak. Its like downloading your brain and of any corrupted data in it so you can get a clear head.

Ive been doing this for 6 years now and its pretty much replaced my need for social media plus unlike most people these days I actually have a private life again.

I dont feel the compulsion to tell the world and Big Data Miners where I am, where Ive been, what im doing, who im with, what ive had to eat and drink, how im feeling, who i hate, who i like etc. People dont realise that living your life out online isnt actually a healthy or normal thing. Just because other people do it doesnt mean its ok for you.

Its funny how people think youre a bit odd or have something to hide if you dont have social media accounts. Ive nothing to hide, i feel better mentally gor not being involved with it plus I like having my privacy back.

When you dont want to do things the only thing you can do is force yourself to do things. Just baby steps though. Its like today im going to chnage the batteries in the clock, try do maybe 20 or 30 mins exercise. I dont want to go to the family meal later but im going to force myself. And ive decided if it is awful that I wont go again unless its just my older sister and Dad.

It is a slow pricess trying to find the enjoyment in things again but it is achievable.

[Rufus07 in reply to BaronFrankenstein]

thank you for all of your advice. I’m not on any social media so I don’t have all that to worry about. I have me to worry about, can’t worry about the rest of the world too. I have family over now and it’s taking all I have to sit outside with them. I’m very antisocial even with my family. I’d just rather be alone.

[BaronFrankenstein in reply to Rufus07]

Ive not long come back from a meal with my family and I didnt want to go as Id rather just do my own thing. None of us really get on properly anymore, we didnt argue or anything but it was a bit tense as everyone had to try be on their best behaviour and hold back from starting arguments.

I dont mind if its just me and my dad and elder sister but im finding as we all get older i have difficulty relating to my brother and younger sister as rhe have changed. Theyve both had tough times recently and its made them.cynical and jealous people.