Trying to enjoy a night out with hubby but then he says he is bored and drops the “you need a hobby”

[DangLifeisHell]

When u are our with your hubby trying to have a good time. You talk to him for the most part and take a few seconds to post a picture, and he drops the ball, “I’m bored, let’s just go home!” Mind you, I was the one trying to converse with him and all he talked about was his interest, it’s never about what I want to talk about. And typically he is on his phone. Then he asks to walk around, we walk around, then drops the ball again and says “you need a hobby! It’s not healthy. I can’t do what I want because your just going to blame me for going out!” Ugh! So I said can’t you compromise and enjoy and look around it’s beautiful. I’ve been depressed and have not found joy in anything. But finally find joy in the little things such as the beauty of the current environment. But no! Feeling like I made a mistake staying in the marriage.

[RisingAgain]

Oh honey, that must be awfully painful!! While it is healthy that you each have your own friends & or alone time... it should not be a "must", indicating that your partner would prefer to do something different. Ugh. & that hurts like a mf!!

Unless this happens often, try not to take the thinking to the extreme. I do that often & it makes others run away cuz 1 min I'm strong & the next I'm falling apart over my own actions & their consequences. And for some of us, when we are so disappointed, rejected, etc. It can feel like your soul is crying & you want to give up. Don't give up!

But most importantly... Put YOU First!!! For when we love ourselves, we won't allow ourselves to be used & controlled. I'm still working on that!

Angels all around you!!

[DangLifeisHell in reply to RisingAgain]

thank you so much! I need to hear this! I appreciate you!

[Nothing_but_books]

Nice screen name. I wouldn't mind changing mine to DangLifeisHell_here_too.

He sounds like a winner. 🙄 Sorry.

[DangLifeisHell in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Haha thank you for making me smile.

[Raggedy-Ann]

I've been there. Things I wish I knew at the time. - It's ok to ask for exactly what you want, such as no phone allowed date night. Phones stay in the car. Maybe suggest you both take up a "hobby" together it should help you have more things to talk about and it must be something new to both of you. Watch Berne' Brown on Netflix it will help you communicate. Try couples counseling. One thing you can try is listen to what he says, cut out all unimportant things and " Ok I want to repeat back to you what I just heard you say." Repeat back main points for clarification for both of you. " ie- get a hobbie= spend time doing things without him. . .. get very clear about what is being said and done. Cover your butt, if the divorce word is dropped or getting close, you need to have secured your assets. your money in an account with only your name on it. ... If he is not willing to work on the marriage and communication then don't waste another day with him. Life and youth are fleeting.

[Desperate4Happiness in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Excellent advice!