First diagnosis of my life

[LostInThoughtsCA]

Hello everyone, I wanted to share my story with you. I came to the US with big dreams, worked to get my visa ten years ago, and have been here since. It all went downhill from there, first trauma was my mother’s suicide, then my husband leaving with one of our employees, then finally my dog’s death. I struggle to keep my business afloat, work 5 days a week, and can’t seem to find purpose. This year my medication of choice, marijuana, stopped helping me and started making my panic attacks and anxiety worse. I went to the hospital when I couldn’t think of nothing else to do to stop my mind from racing with dark thoughts. A psychiatrist prescribed me medication and talk therapy. I am now completely sober for the first time in decades and I still struggle with my mental health. There are days where I’m full of energy and completely capable of taking care of myself and my business, and days where I plunge back into depression and loneliness and despair. I wonder if it’s ever going to change, and struggle to open up to anybody about it since they all feel bad for you but also try to stay away like you have a black cloud around you or something. I feel better when I can be honest and open up about how I really feel, so I came here for this reason. Hoping to share and find comfort in each other. I feel deeply for anybody in this situation, it is very hard to find the strength to go on.

[pnpnow2020]

I have very much the same experience with being. You are not alone

[LostInThoughtsCA in reply to pnpnow2020]

thank you

[Puppielove]

I can relate. I've been depressed for years but was able to somehow manage. Then I had some major life changes in February, I thought I was managing, until I got physically sick in March . I have had three hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Therapy. I am still struggling with my diagnosis. I struggle everyday and the people I know just don't understand, the think put your big girl panties on. What they don't understand is that those panties are soiled, stretched out, holy and worthless.

[LostInThoughtsCA in reply to Puppielove]

it is so isolating. Like everyone else has it easier and they can’t understand

[Puppielove]

Yes, most people do not understand.