it’s time again…

[Starr88]

I have been in this depression episode now again for three days, nothing gives me happiness, nothing gives me hope, I see others around me that are having the best life and although I am genuinely happy for them, it digs my hole a little bit deeper, I know from being here many times, it will pass…

The only other option is to go on meds which if that is what you want I would say do it, but for me it makes me feel even worse so I know that I will have to ride this tortured life forever, I do believe the only reason I haven’t given up is my cats and sometimes the positive, logical side of me wins and life isn’t horrible, but then the darkness always comes back and it’s so suffocating, I try and tell myself sometimes it’s environmental, and I have never been this bad until I moved to a rural area and the isolation really blew it out of control, and that might definitely be true, I don’t ever remember it being this bad until I moved to this area, I wish I could just snap my fingers and be somewhere else, but it’s not possible for me, at the moment a thing that really is cutting me to the core is my past regrets and mistakes I have made with making bad decisions, I know I can not go back and it only hurts me to think about them but sometimes they just cloud my thoughts and no matter how hard I try they don’t go away, and knowing that my life could have been so different and better yet i chose too not have it that way, possibly because of my self worth at those times who knows… all I know is that I hate the life that I have to live, I have worked so hard with inner self self work, inner child work ect… yet I still always come back to my oldest friend… misery.

[Dolphin14]

Star88

I'm very sorry you are not doing well. Living with depression is very difficult.

It sounds like you do have short periods where it lifts for a bit? What are those days like for you?

Having your cats is a blessing. I'm glad they are with you

🐬

[Hidden]

Starr88, One important step for your world of loneliness was to have gained an audience... So thank you for sharing your pain and committing to dump some off. What can I share with you?? Someone else who is there cared for your pain, and others cry! Feel good about being met, and for speaking out. Life can change, things can get better too. Have hope! Give until you get better! Stay alive!

[Starr88 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Jizzel for your reply… it’s inspiring 💕

[Hidden in reply to Starr88]

I am glad that you can think... to be so good! Thanks🤗 I am wishing you healthy and happier vibes, all the time! And then for cheerful behavior and happier hurtfulness in due time. Get over being sad, please. This is a good life😊😊