helpful tips

[Doggylover1635]

hello, I have been feeling unsure about how I feel last few weeks. I feel lonely because I few friends, anxiety from not telling my family and depression from thinking about sad times and how everyday could be the same. Does anyone have any tips that they could share with me please? Preferably 3

[Hidden]

Hey there,

1. If you want to make more friends but if you are shy, do not try to find friends from your existing social network. Rather, go and register to different groups, organizations etc. Be a volunteer at organizations that help people, animals or nature in general. This will allow you to be more comfortable as you can easily choose not to see those people again if you feel as if you do not fit in or if you do something that you think is embarrassing or something. It will also allow you to see more people from different backgrounds which will help you better your social skills and also give you more options.

2. Family can be hard. They might not understand you but also remember that this goes both ways. You are young, and its totally normal to feel this way. But keep in mind that our feelings are not just our choice. As you grow, we go through many stages. These are a part of growing, but being aware of them will give you more control. If you do manage to become aware of your emotions, you will realize that you do not need people to hold your hands all the time. Yes it is good and makes things easier, but what you need most of all is experience, knowledge etc. Rather than just wanting people to be there for you, learn to ask questions, listen to their experiences. It is like collecting data or experience. As you collect these, you will see the bigger picture better. But most importantly, you will realize you are improving faster as now you will be using other peoples experience too. It is a neat trick to increase the rate of your personal growth. Depending on how much you use this skill and on how many people, your level and speed of growth will be as much.

3. To understand why we have bad thoughts, you have to undersand how the human mind words. Our brain can to many extraordinary things, but like everything in life, it has its pros and cons. Your mind, your brain is not you. Think of it as a system, or entity that is there to help you. But this entity does what you say without asking questions. This may sound good but it also means when we do stupid things or get stuck, it does not help either. The situation you said you are in is due to this. You decide what you mind will give you, show you, tell you... Think about it this way. 3 people walking along the street. Each have different interests. One love cars, another is feeling lonely and is single and the third loves animals. While they walk, each brain will direct the interest of each to what they love. All 3 will be just walking, none of them will be look at all the cars, people or other stuff. As they walk, all of a sudden something will direct them to those things. Think of it this way, you are reading these lines, but you brain see everything in your line of sight. But it does not tell you, or show you these. Among all the data it gets, it will only direct your interest to things you told it you love.

Bad thoughts are like this. You start by choosing to think about these things when shit first happens. But if you do not let go and continue to think and worry, your mind over times thinks that this is what you want, thus constantly gives you that.

Now, normally, knowing this logic, you should learn to control your thoughts, but since you are at a point where the mind is already stuck, you need to learn to break this cycle. Below are a few tips.

When you start thinking of negative things, understand that your mind has entered that cycle again. You need to break it. So, when that happens, deliberately look around, start saying all the colors you see. After a few tries this will loose its effectiveness, in this case, next time it happens start saying the names of everything you see. The logic is that you constantly interrupt the mind until it resets and thinks that negativity is not what you want from it. The time it will take to do this will vary depending on how long you have been in this state. But as long as you continue to do so with discipline, you will eventually see the results.

I hope this helps and if anything was offensive I apologies. I am merely saying what people need to hear, not just what they want to hear.

[Vilanel in reply to Hidden]

Hidden, thank you for reminding me of trading your brain to think of something else when negative thoughts come up. I had read about this a long time ago but forgot about doing it. Now I can start doing this again, it makes a huge difference because I tend to ruminate and can’t seem to stop the cycle. I have also been looking for ways to be more social, as I have no friends anymore. I am thinking about volunteer work and starting a book club because I love reading. Now the hard part comes with the follow through but I know I am tired of being miserable and sad. Thank you