relationship with a depressed partner

[Aaaaa133]

i have a girlfriend that suffers from depression. She has a lot of insecurities because of her childhood traumas because the way her father raised her. We are having issues in our relationship. I want to learn more about depression and how to support her. If anyone has the same situation or if someone can help me find resources that can educate me and makes me a better partner.

I want to understand her more and be a safe space for her. Its not easy being in a relationship with someone who suffers from depression and i cant imagine how hard it is for her in general.

I feel it is not easy to maintain a healthy relationship in normal situations so it feels way harder when one partner have depression.

I feel Some arguments between us are just normal arguments or fights but to her these arguments could be way more damaging especially when these arguments touch on her insecurities.

i need help becoming a better partner. I just don’t know where to start.

I want to help her and provide a comforting environment not the opposite.

[amychris]

Hi! I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you to support your partner. You’re trying to be present for her and express your feelings without making a bomb go off. You want to be compassionate and understanding of her experience too. Kudos to you!

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can. I’m not sure about resources for partners of those with depression but I am positive they exist. DBSA and NAMI are other good organizations to check out. What I can say is that my partner is very involved in my treatment. He is allowed to talk to my therapist and occasionally attends our individual sessions. This allows me to feel his loyal support and allows him to know how to support me in a very personal way. We always feel more connected after team meetings. He knows exactly what I’m working on in therapy and how to support me outside of sessions because of that.

So, I’m not sure if your partner has a treatment team of her own, but it would be worth telling her about me and my partner’s experience. See what her thoughts are and see if they’re open to having you more involved. Take care!

[DesertLove]

Hello! First, I just want to say that even being on this site and showing empathy for your girlfriend, are amazing steps in supporting her. If she hasn't already, encourage her to consider going to an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) or one where she stays for a period of time. Offer to help research programs. Both also tend to have programs and meetings for family/partners. I also agree on the individual and joint therapy. Continue being there for her, and take care of yourself as well.

[Hidden]

You should be applauded for seeking advise and staying with her. God bless you both.

[AquariusDreaming]

It is so difficult to help someone who is depressed. The best thing you can probably do is to be take care of yourself and be as emotionally healthy as you can be, including self-forgiveness and self-compassion for the times when you try to help and it doesn't work. We are all in the war of our lives right now it seems. 25% of people in my country (USA) are on antidepressants. That's 1 in every 4 people you pass on the street - suffering in silence. Its a palpable, systemic problem that has been exacerbated by COVID. Be gentle with yourself and your dear one. Blessings.

walking wounded into light

[Settling]

I just want to tell you Thank you for being a loving person to want to understand. It is a difficult disorder but with support groups, NAMI, and education, reading, you can gain knowledge. Perhaps if she is willing allow her to build her trust with you to share about depression and how it affects her life. She may or may not be open to that right away, but the more you learn and share perhaps time will be on your side to be more trusting as she see your acceptance. My own family never understood my depression not did they want to. I had a hard time with that but I finally accepted that it would be perhaps hard if someone else had a illness that I hadn't experienced, People I wouldn't understand either. But for sure I would have compassion and feeling. Mental Health is DIFFERANT for some people. Some families just don't accept you or think DIFFERANT of you. Once you seek counseling and help for many many years, you become the functional one out of the dysfunctional family. My doctor told me I needed to find a new family. Which still today, I want nothing more then to have a functional family, but I just do not have.

That is why it make me feel so good to see your support and love, and willingness to learn. You are truly a man with a loving understanding heart. I am very proud of you for loving and caring so much. Please do take care of yourself first. You cannot forget about yourself but you can find love and wisdom along the way for the other person. Best wishes and support to you💗 u r unique I think. I never had that. I am truly happy for you both!!