MDD Sufferer

[Cookie2217]

I suffer with MDD and have since 2002 I take medication but I don't think that it's helping. I'm so depressed that I can barely get out of bed and I don't even care what I look like anymore than I used to be so much more lively and I can not see the reason for getting out of bed in the morning please help me if anybody's out there I'm suffering right now and I can't take it. Does anybody else feel like me how can I get over this hump right now I've been depressed for over 3 years now since before covid it's been the longest bout of my life and the most painful. I cry often and become tearful and I don't see the point of getting out of bed in the morning cuz there's nothing to do and no reason for me to get up. I suffer with self-hatred and self-loathing because I was verbally psychologically and emotionally abused by my mother who was an alcoholic and I was her Target I was physically abused by my father and an ex-fiance and I was also sexually assaulted when I was younger which were the reasons why I tried to kill myself because of my extreme unhappiness and disinterest in life. The third time was a doozy I was 15 minutes away from death they put my stomach and I was in ICU for a day and a half and I have no recollection of any of it I was Gray and it could have gone either way but the Lord himself saved me for better things there is a light but it's dark for me right now I just can't see it. If anybody's out there right now and can talk to me I'd really appreciate it. This is my first post and I know I'm long-winded but I'm struggling right now thanks for listening

[Graveg4]

Hello friend, I'm currently dealing with the same side effects of Depression that you are. I've had to stay at my uncle's house recently because I know it's not best for me to be alone. It's very good you reached out for help and I am more than happy to listen to you. Sometimes knowing that someone feels your pain can be a comfort; I feel your pain. My childhood was not the best and it still effects me till this day... I'm slowly removing the layers of this onion in the hopes of a breakthrough in the future. I noticed you mentioned the Lord, keep your faith in him... I will personally add you to my prayer list because I know the power of prayer. Your not alone in this, I'm the first two respond but probably not the last.

[Cookie2217 in reply to Graveg4]

Thank you for replying to my message. It's good to know and I'm not alone in this MDD diagnosis and it's a comfort talking to someone who feels the same way that you do because sometimes family and friends just don't get it or understand and say things like just get out of bed or get over it and we just can't. MDD is so debilitating it made me lose my job because I couldn't get myself to work and ruined my career and then I was on unemployment which ran out and now I'm living in my sister's basement otherwise I'd be homeless on the street this year brought me to my knees it really did I lost so many things due to major depressive disorder it rips away so much from our lives. I believe that God will get me through it though and thank you for putting me on your prayer list that was so nice of you and each and every prayer helps. Thank you for your kindness and compassion to me.

[Julie-Cohen-Turak]

I also have MDD, and have for 20 years. I was offered TMS for this. This didn't work for me, so I have been offered Spravato at my hospital Psych dept. I am being scheduled. Both of these treatments are known to help MDD. I don't know your medical coverage, but would encourage you to seek additional help through your Psych department.

[chipmunk77 in reply to Julie-Cohen-Turak]

I was told by my psychiatrist that insurance doesn’t cover Spravato and that it is very expensive. Good luck and prayers for you, as major depression disorder is extremely challenging.

[Julie-Cohen-Turak in reply to chipmunk77]

Fortunately for me, I am low income, and Kaiser is paying 100% of the cost.

[Matricul8]

I can totally relate with your struggle and I am also not in a good place right now. My heart goes out to you as I know your pain. My psychiatrist is really excited about a new antidepressant ( Exxua) that is supposed to be available some time soon. It's what I am hanging my hopes on. I am not a proponent of any drug but I know something has to give soon. I too was my mother's target for her hate. It's hard to love yourself when your own mother doesn't. Working on it thru therapy and it helps but the pain runs so deep. I pray for your recovery and peace . Feel free to reach out to me at anytime.

Debbie

[Cookie2217 in reply to Matricul8]

Hi Debbie,

Thanks for replying to me it seems like we have a lot in common. I also worked on what happened to me through therapy and actually wrote my mother a letter and at the end forgave her because sometimes that's what you need to do in order to ftee yourself. Our parents aren't infallible and they're certainly prone to making mistakes and big ones at that at certain times. Before my mother died I actually went to her bed so I when she was in the hospital and said to her whatever is going on between you and I need to stop and it needs to stop now I apologize for all the names I called her and she apologized for all the names she called me and for blaming me for my father's death. There was forgiveness in that room and I had her for the last 10 years of her life with not another word of anger spoken between us so I'd have to say that we made peace before she part of this world which is a good thing. However from all the abuses I've suffered my self-esteem and self-worth or deeply affected and I never felt like I was enough for anyone. I also self-loathe because of this too and I have two friends that are actually pastors that I rely on quite frequently that let me know that I am enough and that the only opinion of me that matters is actually God's. I don't know if you're religious or not I'm not overly but I am spiritual and I have to believe that there is a higher power above that has my back. I'm sorry for the pain that you have suffered through your mother as well. I hope through therapy that you get to a place of absolute healing. Please feel free to reach out to me anytime too as it's good to know that people understand what you're going through and where you're coming from because through that camaraderie we don't feel alone any longer with our feelings. I hope the new antidepressant works for you. I'm on medication I take Pristiq 100 mg and Abilify 10 mg but I don't feel that it is working any longer I think our minds get used to the medication and it no longer stimulates the parts of the brain that it's supposed to and it becomes worthless because it doesn't seem to work any longer. Believe me I'm not the type to believe that there's a magic pill out there that's going to make me happy because there's not we also have to do the work through therapeutic intervention as well. I journaled for a long time and that seemed to help me immensely . Do you journal yourself? Getting our feelings out is very important because when we bottle them up it's very dangerous. When I am in my depressive episodes I withdraw from people completely and my friends and family see it and it makes me feel guilty that I don't find happiness with the people that I love because I should I wouldn't wish depression on anyone because it is a debilitating disease. Wishing you all my best and hope to talk to you soon Debbie take care of yourself.