Hello Everyone

[PrincessCutiePie]

I'm not sure what to say. I am a 62-year-old widow with MS, and I walk with a Walker. I live alone with my kitty, who I love more than life itself. I took my husband off of Life support on August 16, 2016, and then in 2018, I found my mom dead. In December of the same year, my stepfather became very sick, and instead of putting his biological daughter as his next of kin, he named me, so I had to take him off of Life support. I miss my husband and my parents so much that I often wonder why I am still here. To be honest, I wake up every day just to take care of my kitty. I really don't want to be here anymore, but if something were to happen to me, my sweet kitty would have no one, and that would not be fair to her. She is an innocent bystander. SHE IS THE WHY I WAKE UP!!!

I'm not sure what else to say; I just want to find JOY again; I'm just not sure that is possible.

[CornDog88]

What kind of things do you like to do for fun, or hobbies? Do you have any friends that you see or can talk to? Are you seeing anyone, a therapist or a doctor?

I know that things feel hard right now, but you need to stay resilient and confident that things are going to get better, being depressed is not just a fact of life and something that you have to accept.

[PrincessCutiePie in reply to CornDog88]

Thank you for your replay, I really do not have a lot of people in my life so fun is not something I have. The one thing that does make me happy is cooking I am a Chef and whan my husband was alive I created many dibetic freindly food for him so putting together my recipies so I can help other people eat the food they love that would not effect their blood sugar. Please forgive my mispelling.

[CornDog88 in reply to PrincessCutiePie]

Have you thought about getting involved in something like that, volunteering for a homeless shelter or something along those lines? There are places that would appreciate those skills! I know that getting out of your comfort zone is hard, but sometimes I think we need to do that in order to make progress. (I may need to take my own advice )

[PrincessCutiePie in reply to CornDog88]

I would LOVE to do that and that is something I am looking into, the problem I have is I do not have a car so what I am doing is going to Denver on Thursday to sign papers with RTD they will come to my apartment and take me ware I want to go then they will take me back when I am done. I think that will help me so I CAN help people which is all I want to do

[62BlackBirds]

Hi Princess

I don't have friends either I'm not sure exactly why but I think I am too afraid of being around others and not being what they would think I'm supposed to be or just think I'm too weird or something and I have rejection sensitivity with my ADHD so i can't stand the thought of not being liked So, I guess I just don't make connections. I absolutely do love to visit and talk but I'm only comfortable anymore with being around others who are not judgey (ha ha made up word).

My kids have grown older and are on their own and my wife is neurotypical and has lost a lot of interest in doing things so I've lately wondered "why I wake up".

I've realized I've become very codependent on my family and have lost myself and the ability to be with just me Lately I've been so bad that I can just be walking down the hallway at work and out of no where start crying. It's tough for sure. And, I end up doing the masculine toxic thing and sucking it up before anyone notices and I carry on. (this sucks).

Many many things I'm working through and i'm exhausted. I think about giving in sometimes but I can't. I'm not competitive in any way but just keep getting up and doing what I do. I don't know why at times but I figure everyday is a good day and I even think the bad days are good as well for whatever reason

I do still work a full time job and like to help others which helps keep me going. I just came across this quote from an unknown author and this is kind of what keeps me going:

"Helping one person might not change the whole world, but it could change the world for one person." -unknown

If I can at least go through the day helping someone with even getting them a cup of coffee it makes my day worth having another

Just taking time to share with you and I hope you have a wonderful day!

[PrincessCutiePie in reply to 62BlackBirds]

I so very much know how you feel and I feel the same way. I live alone and really do not know anyone, its just me and my sweet kitty. She is my life. I'm trying to brake out of this so on Thursday I am going to sign papers for our Bus Service and they will come and get me and take me back once I sign the papers I can use them for my transpertation to find a damn job then maybe just maybe I can meet people and find a way out of this saddness I live with

[62BlackBirds in reply to PrincessCutiePie]

Just getting out for a bit brightens the day. Good luck!

[Cookie2217]

I often wonder why I'm still here too. I have a sweet Maine coon cat named Bella. I've been struggling with MDD since 2006. I've been happily married since 2006 too but I struggle to find joy even knowing how much my husband loves me it makes me feel awful.