Anybody have days where every single aspect of your day frustrates you? You get into bed and just think how is this fair? Why me? I don't want to deal with this any more, I'm fed up of being ill, fed up of being tired and fed up of Lupus. It's not that its a particularly bad day, I'm exhausted but no inflammations (which is good). I'm just sick of it.
I mean, don't get me wrong I have such supportive friends and family and I appreciate them all so much, but there is moments where their support isn't quite enough. They do all they can, but they don't understand.
They don't know how much harder I have to try to get out of bed when all I could do is sleep, even after a ridiculously long sleep, how I can wake up and feel as if I havent rested in days.
How a long day can leave my hands and feet in agony and as much as you rub them, take pain killers or try and get on with it, it just doesn't go anywhere.
I'm normally really good at putting this at the back of my mind and carrying on as normal but this week my lupus has stopped me from being able to participate in part of my uni course because I am 'too at risk' and the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about this is what set this all off... It just reminded me I am stuck with this condition and there are times when it really does rule over me.
This is a low day I know, and I'm not always this negative about my lupus. It's the frustration that gets me, how I am at it's mercy and when I think I'm doing well and stable it reminds me it is still there and its not going anywhere.
Sorry for such the moany blog, I just really needed to get this off my chest to a place that I know other people will totally understand where I am coming from.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.