Job going down the pan!

[jamg3916]

I am off work again, having gone back part time since September. I am a teacher. I had loads of time of last year, school were very good, but after 6 months I did go to half pay. This was hard, I managed to find a cheaper house to rent and moved home...on top of everything else!! Since being back I have hardly managed a full week - 3 days - and have been off since half term. I am absolutely exhausted and spend days just sitting, I very rarely leave the house, and now seem to have anxiety and panic attacks on top of everything else. If the worse comes to the worst and I have no job, I am so worried about how I will manage financially. My pension is very small, no more than 3000 a year. Has anyone else been in this position and how do you manage with money? I am so worried it's really not helping the stress and worry.

[Hidden]

Hello!

First off - don't feel bad or weak for not coping. Teaching is among the hardest and most demanding of jobs. I'm glad you take sick days - and listen to your body. I used to teach in a University and I FORCED myself to keep going for precisely the same reasons - fear of having no money and fear of having no job.... and then my kidneys failed due to lupus nephritis (I kind of knew this was happening, but ignored it). One day a full day of teaching first year undergrads, the next an emergency admission to hospital, and a summer of chemo. I took what little there is of my pension (not nearly as much as yours) and at the moment am managing on my redundancy money and ESA (oh yes - I was got rid of). Applying for ESA was difficult and felt like an admission of failure. But I'm glad I did.

I hope it doesn't sound trite, when I say that your health comes first. I sometimes have a day or two where I act like a normal human - and I have to pay for it in pain and fatigue. I am glad I don't have to drive down the motorway in the rush hour, and I am glad not to be forcing my body through hell everyday for the sake of money (though I do miss my students and the job satisfaction). I am poor financially. But I have the gift of time that I never had while working (for years, I had no social life, because I was to tired to go out in the evening EVER, and the house got dirtier and dirtier all term, until the vac. Don't even mention the garden). I can manage it the way it suits me best. When I need to sleep - I sleep. When I can, I do stuff. I do stuff and it is OK. I cope. I feel less ill and that's a bonus.

You'll get through this - and it will be fine. Maybe a less demanding job, or no job - but there IS life out there to be lived, with or without lupus.

Take care.

[jamg3916 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your honest answer...I think its the combination of worrying about money, prospect of leaving a job I love and worked so hard for. It's the perpetual worry that really doesn't help the Lupus. Like you in the summer of 2011 I just carried on at work, going in when I could hardly breath, only to have pleurisy and shadow on the lung in the summer holidays and have not really been right since. I think my body is fairly knackered now and not too good at 'bouncing back'....guess whatever will be, will be!!

[janekins]

Hi

I'm a teaching assistant and have lupus and aps . I've been off work since january and tried going back on a phased return in September - absolute disaster. The stress of the illness and worry that I wasn't doing the job properly made me feel even worse. So today I put in for early retirement on health grounds - I'd been thinking about it for quite a while. The school and my gp support my decision. Having made it, I feel as if a great weight has gone from my shoulders but I knew I had to put myself first and try and get a bit better quality of life for myself.

You can apply for DLA even if you're still working apparently. I've only just found this out myself and my line manager is going to help me to do the forms as I struggle with this now.

Is there anyone you can talk to about finance etc?

Hoping you can get some advice

Jane

[rubyru]

Hope my story helps : I too was a college lecturer, single mum to a young child and career of 2 elderly parents. Now I am much poorer and miss my students but do not spend my time rushing. I still care for 3 people and 2 cats but now have the time to prepare good food for us all, shop around for bargains and focus on my own health with exercise and good diet. The main benefit is quality of life and a better management of lupus symptoms. My life has certainly changed but at least I have peace of mind these days. Good luck and health to you x

[Hidden]

I too have the same worries, I am married and we have 6 years left in our mortgage. I have been off work for over a month after hospitalisation on half pay and I am going back tomorrow so it's fingers crossed time that I can survive this. Houses are not selling where we live or we would have sold up when I became ill last year. I worry that we will lose everything that we have worked for all our adult lives be caused of this cursed illness, so I can understand your stress. I hope your health improves and that you get all the help and support you deserve.