My mind isn't what it used to be. At work I was always praised on my efficiency and effectiveness at my job.
But over the past 7-8 months I've really struggled to keep up my own standards. I'm letting mistakes slip through and I just don't feel very capable any more. No one has brought this up with me, but I feel like it's only a matter of time.
Without going in to too much detail, I'm effectively the lead designer of our publishing house (don't actually have the title or pay, but I am doing that role) and I'm sending our books to print with mistake after mistake... Even though I'm working my arse off to be as thorough as possible. I also mentor the junior designer and I'm struggling to balance my own work as well as overlooking hers.
It's also over the same time frame that I have felt particularly awful. Flare up after flare up, suffering hydroxychloroquine induced myopathy, and increasing my Methotrexate dose to 25mg (injection). I've been on varying doses of steroids in this time too, currently tapering.
What the hell do I do? I'm only 27. I feel like my career is slipping through my fingers and I'm at a loss as to how to fix it.
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eescvc
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I’m sure if you speak to someone at Lupus UK.They will be able to help you and advise what you should do right now .....they will most likely have dealt with this problem before.
You are already ahead of the game because you admit you have a problem, I don’t think it would be wise to try to muddle on until a real biggy mistake occurs....do you?
Your doctor should be able to help, the steroid taper may need to be addressed, and if you have an HR department at work .....once you have spoken to Lupus UK and your doctor ....you can go to them and tell them how your health is temporarily affecting your work,& find a controlled solution.
I’m sure this situation must occur with many conditions, so please contact Lupus UK soonest......to get some much needed advice
What you are experiencing is one of the very sad aspects of lupus and other systemic autoimmune diseases. Please talk opening to your doctors about this. They should be able to guide you. It is a very difficult area. A lot of research is going into cognitive dysfunction but there are no easy answers.
Know you have many who understand. There may be medication that will help. Also, the better you are overall can make a big difference.
Really feeling for you. You must be afraid of losing your very productive self.
Been there. I too was lead engineer at the largest power plant in USA. Had to step down to regular engineer mostly due to my understanding that I wasn’t performing as I normally would. I stepped down voluntarily without anybody knowing my condition. Now I have much less responsibility and nearly the same pay. I am very happy with less responsibility and nearly the same pay.
There is testing and help for cognitive issues. Ask if you can see a baviorial psychiatrist to be tested. There are batteries of test that can determine where you fall.
After my stroke, I took the battery of tests I was placed with a speech pathologist who worked with me to recover much of my deficits in memory, processing and other cognitive functions. In addition to this, my CBT/ act therapy has done wonders in improving my fatigue caused fog.
Talking with HR preemptively is a great idea as well.
Good luck and remember there might be help for you both professionally and medically.
Hello eescvc - I completely empathise with your current situation. I am a bit older than you are now and I held a very responsible post at a large firm. A lot of my job entailed project management, proof-reading, editing and dealing with clients and printers. I have been on sick leave for over 18 months now and no longer receive statutory sick pay. I am not certain whether or not I will be able to return to my career as yet as my lupus is not currently under enough control.
Coming to terms with the possibility that your career may have to take a different trajectory is daunting. I very much understand how it feels to mourn a career that seems over before it has begun.
The first thing to do is to take a deep breath and re-examine your situation. It sounds like you are in a position to carry on working and if that is the case then that is very positive.
Lupus UK has an excellent publication for employers that you can download from their website. The document is intended to provide employers with an outline of how lupus can affect an employee and how things in the workplace might be improved to help that person.
You may wish to take third party advice on how to approach your HR Department. I have been very honest and upfront with my company about my condition and they in turn have treated me very well. I had an assessment carried out by an occupational therapist to help me in the workplace and I was offered a range of things to help - these included not being sat next to a window or directly under fluorescent lighting, specialist computer equipment, a comfortable chair, flexible working, reduced hours and even dictation software. There are many more things that could be done to make it easier for you to continue your career. So please take some comfort in that!
Reading between the lines, you appear to me to have ‘perfectionist’ bent. Please excuse me if I have gotten this completely wrong! This obviously makes you very good at your job but pushing yourself to your limits is not going to do your condition much good - you may need to learn to listen to your body and reign yourself in a bit. Work smarter not harder! You could also try shifting some of your responsibilities onto your junior staff - give them stretch roles that take some of the pressure off you. Everyone can benefit in a strange way!
You might be feeling that things are over before they have begun but that isnt necessarily the case at all - you may just need to tweak your career trajectory or working patterns.
Unfortunately, things aren’t going my way career-wise at the moment but I’m trying to be positive and look at my time off work as an opportunity to rest and reflect on what I want to achieve.
Good luck x
Hi am So sorry to hear your so unwell and having to deal with work issues too. I understand how difficult that can be. Your job is very stressful, pressurising and high maintenance which will add to the stress. Is there any chance you could have some help at work. It would be helpful if you had a secretary at least that would be a help. Do you feel you could approach someone at work to let them know your not well at the moment. Could you possible put in some holidays take some time out to rest and think about other roles within your current job or other options such as a new job in a less stressful environment or to explain to HR that you need help due to your health condition. My son is struggling in work and has been making mistakes so comes home stressed and he’s had to explain to HR he’s got fibromyalgia. They were very supportive and are looking at what they can do to help. Is there anyone trained at your level that could join your team to help out. Sit down when your home from work. Write a big circle on a piece of paper and try and figure out how much time is devoted to work, a social life, family, Drs etc. Anything that takes up all your time and energy and if it’s all work you must be exhausted physically and mentally. Are you coming home stressed if so it’s looking at what would make you well. At home do you get help from friends and family or are you having to do stuff at home as well. How good is your diet. Do you take supplements
Try keeping a food and symptoms diary. The reason I ask is that I can function a lot better when I only drink mineral water and cut out wheat dairy and sugar and when I don’t stick to the diet I cannot function. You may be getting sensitive to foods. Are you on any medication that is making you unwell. My son has had to be taken off the medication he’s on as the drs suspect it’s what is making him so tired out and not able to function at work. I have ME and fibromyalgia and I was told if I didn’t look after myself better I would continue to get more unwell. Do you think that giving all your time and energy to work is taking all your strength. Look at what takes up your time and see if things can be changed. I drew up a plan and noticed I was forever at the hospital or drs and it was exhausting. I do hope you get better soon and if your into vitamins try high strength vitamin C, Vitamin D as there’s so little sunshine and you could be so depleted. Also vitamin B100 to give you energy and my favourite is Ashwaghanda it’s very good at giving you energy and if you do some research herbs and vitamin supplements can make a difference. If I don’t take them and don’t eat well I am completely bedridden so they must work. Speak to family and friends to see what help and support they can give you. Maybe when you get home if everything was done for you then you could relax and save you some strength and energy for facing work. Are you a perfectionist as I was and I still am but I was told by my M.E therapist that by putting in so much effort it was exhausting and I burnt myself out. I hope you take time out for yourself to figure out what would help you. Let us know how you get on. Wishing you a great week. Take care. J😀
Can you slow down? Work in small bursts rather than long periods when you get fatigued? Use lists to help you remember? It’s a horrible thing to experience.
First, why are you doing all the work without title and pay? If you don't feel comfortable asking for title and pay then compensate with working less so you stay more focused. Use the junior designer to double check your work for mistakes. Use others to check before sending to publishing. Comit to minimal work without raising questions so you can have extra time to triple check the work. Make sure you rest for five min each hour or as long as you need to keep the brain working well. Work on a sofa or somewhere where you get less tired. Check thiroid function, and if there is any room to add liotyroxine, ask your endocrinologist or gp for prescription as it helps with brain fog. It helped me. Make sure you excercise 30 mins each day so you don't get worse. If you are still getting worse talk to rheumatologist to try something else. Methotrexate is not always the beat drug for all people there are so many other ones you could try to get better. Finally talk to your manager and ask for resources that will check work before going to publishing if you can't engage your junior designer in that capacity.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. When you work with words and ideas, cognitive dysfunction is disruptive in an especially intense way. I hope there is someone in a position of authority who values your work and can offer back-up. It could be great training for an intern or less experienced employee to work with you and help catch the slippages that occur so that you feel less stressed, while they learn about your approach to design, organization, and other parts of your job. I had similar problems, and found that logistical changes, like having meetings placed at higher-functioning times of day helped me continue to work -- my colleagues and supervisor were very nice and wanted to help. It is painful for all of us with lupus to have our lives limited and our sense of excellence in whatever we do placed out of reach. I hope you find some good options, and that your symptoms will improve.
Your experience is very familiar to me. I was an academic in a former existence. Writing was my career; spelling etc had always come naturally and and I had never had a problem with it, or anything writing-related, until lupus and lupus medications. But when the lupus is very active, weird stuff happens when I write. Whole words, or parts of words (often the middle) go missing, even though I think I have typed them. Even now that I know the problem exists, and carefully check each sentence before considering it done, this hiatus persists. It is as if there is some kind of hole in the communication between my brain and my hands and in the way my brain sees what is on the page. It is worse on days when I am very fatigued, but always present to some extent. I am now self-employed, proofreading and editing academic articles and PhD theses. I have had a major flare this year - and the only thing I can do is be very aware of the problem, take longer to do each job while charging people the same, and cut the amount of work that I take. I don't want to go back to no work at all.
This is very hard to talk to people about (it sounds bonkers, for one thing), but I think you should try. I lost my job in the end - because I didn't really understand what was going on, and couldn't stand up for myself properly. Lupus is a condition in which you can look well while really being very ill, and this does not help. But if your employer is decent - and you can find way to work together on this, perhaps you need not lose your job. If it helps, I can tell you that once you have full remission (and hopefully you will) the problem does go away to a great extent (except maybe on tired days, and then you just need to take a nap).
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