My mum and her flare ups

[bethhunter1994]

Hi everyone. I posted a question on here not long ago and recieved some great feedback so I thought i'd turn to this site again. My mum has her ups and downs but the past week has been really down. I can tell when shes not well as her mood changes and you can feel it in the atmosphere.

Anyways, I came home at five last night and had chips from the shop waiting for me. So I noticed she hadn't cooked which she doesn't like to do and i realised something was up. I ate at the table with her trying to make polite conversation. I offered to wash up and run her a bath to help out. I did the washing up etc. The evening went on and as i was the only member of the family at home with her, i felt as though i was walking on egg shells.

My sister came home (late) and went straight upstairs. I went and had a shower and came downstairs to be comfronted by my mum yelling "OHHH you tidied your room already did you?!! that was fast!". Being sarcastic and wanting to start an argument I assumed. I just sat on the sofa and tried to not react. I told her I will do my room when i'd like too. To be honest i'd had a **** day. Working really hard at work full time and i just wanted to come home and relax. She completely lost it.

She went bright red in the face, biting her lip like she does. Stomping around the kitchen and slamming pieces of furniture around. She was banging things so loud it was making me jump.

She started yelling some really horrible things to me, Calling me a lazy cow and to get out of her house. I replied that i would if i could afford it! She told me I could afford it if i stopped spending money on clothes that don't fit.

I've recently put on weight and i know that i have. It also really really gets to me that i'm no longer a size 8. She seems to bring it up every time we argue and it HURTS. I started crying and went to bed.

I really don't know what to do. This morning she was being particularly nice to me but i still just felt angry? I know that she's ill and she cant help it but i probably try the hardest with her out of my dad and sister. It doesnt seem fair that i seem to brunt all of the shouting when she gets mad.

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest and speak to someone about it.

[poodlegal]

sweetheart it must be so hard for u,your mum,dad and sister, i sometimes take things out on my family too,you always lash out at the people you love and at the moment me and my daughter are always arguing!! not because of lupus but because of teenage hormones!!! (she just turned 13) you must talk to your mum today and tell her how you feel when she says personal things to hurt you,your mums been nice to you because she proberly feels bad for yesterday,talk to each other and except lupus or no lupus everyone has arguments,spesh mums and daughters!! take care,i think your mum is blessed to have a lovely daughter like you xx

[bethhunter1994 in reply to poodlegal]

I will definately talk to her

haha i dont know about my hormones! I assumed i was over that lot now. im 18 but feeling 30 haha

My younger sister is now going through the rebelious teen stage thati had and i actually cringe realising i was the same

your daughter is blessed to have a mum like you! Take care and thank you for replying xxx

[janiceray]

O'h Bless,We do have the most Horrid mood swings mood swings Talk to her tell her how you feel but also let her know you are there for her and do understand i take it out on my Husband then i have to say sorry,he said he understands and it goes over his head,perhaps you could try that and some times its hard to say sorry,I would love a daughter like you.

keep in touch we are here for you 24/7

Love & Sunshine

Janxx

[bethhunter1994 in reply to janiceray]

I will speak to her, unfortunately everyone has mood swings!

Im glad your husband is so understanding

thank you for your advice and anytime you want to talk to me about any issues you have feel free to talk to me xxx

[loopy-lou]

I can tell you are so lovely...can I add a couple of thoughts besides what the others have said. First of all you are being a wonderful daughter. You will be gorgeous regardless of what dress size you are. Please do not worry if your weight fluctuates-lots of ladies go up & down. Can you not talk to your father? It sounds as though you are carrying all the weight and concern. You have the right of a life too and also have fun while you are young! Besides lupus causing mood swings could your mother perhaps be going through the menopause? Don't change as you sound so lovely! Always come and chat on this site. Hugs xxx

[bethhunter1994 in reply to loopy-lou]

Thank you for your lovely and useful comment

i never really considered speaking to my dad but hes a generly difficult person to speak with. menopause is quite possible! Id assumed she wouldnt get that? As she had chemotherapy treatment for her kidneys? Inreally dont know what it is. i just gotta make sure im here for hee when she needs it

thank you again and i hope youre well xxxx

[tupa]

hello darling

what a daughter! you are a very special person always remember that. It does sound like you are taking the strain but that is probably because you are the one person in the family your mother knows can really cope. Even knowing that it isn't always easy to take! As far as the weight goes we all go up and down in our younger years but at the end of the day it's what's inside that counts and as someone who has been 'large' it has never stopped me from having a partner! Talk to your mother when you feel she is in a receptive mood because although we do all have these mood swings and we are ill that is no excuse for being rude and hurting the people who really care about us and we have to learn that sometimes we need to be reminded of that.Try to talk to your father and sibling because they should be helping you with this. this is not something you should carry on your own. Loopy lous comments about the menopause may also be very relevant. your mother may be ill but you have the right to a life.

love and a big hug

tupa

xx

[bethhunter1994]

Wow thanks for your comments, youve mentioned a few things that id never thought about for example that shes telling me cos i can handle it?

ill take your advice thank you for your time honey xxx