Potentially about to enter a new relationship, suffering with mild lupus, do I tell all or break them in gently?

[Nickle]

They know I've been ill, and take meds everyday to keep me ok - but do I go the whole hog of how bad it could get, but also I may not get that bad... Only having it mildly now?? Don't want to scare them off for no reason, it looking good?? Help!!

[chrisj]

I think it depends on how long you've known them. If its a completely new relationship, someone you've only just met, I'd get to know them a little better first. Hard to answer really not knowing what they're like. I should go with the flow, tell when you're ready and it feels right or take the opportunity if and when it arises...

Good luck

[MandieR]

For me,i would actually say from the start as in my own experience if the person is right.....it will not make a blind bit if difference. I used ti keep it quiet and then suddenly come out with it, which isnt really fair.

Now i say from word go and i have been sooooo lucky so far, everyone i have spoken to about it has not even battered an eyelid and also have read up on it so they can be of help or support should i need it

and these are people that i have only just met

whichever way you choose to go.....i wish you the very best of luck xx

[JSue]

I would say, wait a few weeks at least. "potentially about to enter" sounds very early on. Even then I would wait till it came up in the course of normal life conversation/day to day living.

[Nanuuk]

Good for you not letting lupus hold you back! I have tried both approaches over the years with varying success. That is to say, some men get angry/upset you didnt tell them in the first place but those I do tell straight away either never call again or it brings out the caveman in them - they have to "fix" me then take it personally that anything they come up with doesnt work then they never call! Ergo - I have lousy taste in men!!

Sorry if it sounds negative, thats just me experience!!

Wishing you well.xx

[MandaM]

I started a new relationship last year and am getting married to my soulmate this December! I told him almost straight away especially as at the time i was wearing a wig as i'd lost my hair, well still am wearing wigs whilst i get my lovely new thick head of hair down to my chin length, ( just about there! :0) ) I have a kidney transplant too due to Lupus, terrible atopic eczema and now yesterday a lump in my armpit has to be investigated as a possible chance of cancer :0/ My fiance loves me to pieces, it was there from day one, and wouldn't care if parts of me dropped off lol, he loves me just the same, whatever. So i'd say that it's best to be honest as Lupus can cause loads of health problems which can affect your life unpredictably. If your new man thinks enough of you and is a decent human being, he'll be happy to accept you no matter what. Best find out now rather than fall in love potentially, then tell and see smoke on his heels as he disappears into the horizon! Enjoy and have fun Nickle.

[Paul_Howard Partner LUPUS UK]

Hi Nickle.

The Lupus Foundation of America published a very good article about this. You might like to read it here - bit.ly/yy2H7S

[tiredmum]

Hi Nickie,

I met my partner of nearly 8 years before I had a diagnosis.

We met over the internet (sad I know), and after a few weeks I new this could turn into a serious relationship so i decided that I needed to sit him down and be honest with him.

I explained how ill I could get and at that time I had no idea what it was and so I gave him the chance to walk away so to speak. A few weeks later I had a really bad flare up, instead of walking away he moved in to look after me, and hasn't left since.

I sincerely believe honesty is the best policy, but not on the first date!!!

Good luck