Dating - Someone please give me hope!

[Comeonpeeps]

Hello everyone! I've been very happily single for years but I'm kind of coming around to the idea of dating! Do any of you know if there are any sites that cater for people with health conditions?

Thank you. X

[happytulip]

Match.com do disability match.

Its sort of a shame that there has to be a site for people with disabilities. It would be nice if we could be accepted and not be labelled into a different group.

But maybe some think it's a good thing.

I went on a few dates via the net. Everyone I met was keen for a second date. No one really interested me. Nice people but no one I clicked with.

And if I did unfortunately they fled when I explained about Lupus. But don't let that put you off.

Go for it but remember it can be emotionally taxing as well as fun!

[Kevin53]

Just go for dating. Forget the health conditions. My daughter who has Lupus went speed dating and has been happily married for 5 years. She mentioned Lupus on the second date. My son in law loves my daughter. Best wishes Kevin

[happytulip]

It's difficult for some. I was ditched by my fiance when I had been put on pred and gained weight, and because I couldn't go in the sun and after 3 months of HCQ he was "disappointed in me that I hadn't got better yet." And "have you seen what you look like," reference to my hair loss and moon face and Malar rash.

Words hurt and stick with you.

But don't lose hope!! I haven't, I'm just taking time out to improve my health and look after me for the first time in 20 years.

Go for it!

[Horsewhisper in reply to happytulip]

Oh HT, how awful for you, such unfair and hurtful comments. I hope things are better for you now that he’s not in your life anymore. 🌷xx

[LalSD in reply to happytulip]

This is terrible Happytulip. I am very sorry to read this. It must have been awful for you. I am kind of glad you are not with this horrible person. Better alone than in a relationship with someone who is mean and unkind. I do hope you find love. Someone to love you for who you are. Not your hair or skin but your soul.

With love, xL

[Krazykat26 in reply to happytulip]

Omg HT 🤗 what an a...hole!! 😤

You're much better off without that one!! 🌈😽😽Xx

[MEGS53 in reply to happytulip]

Oh, how very unkind and hurtful of him. He doesn't deserve you - you did well to move on. Take care, xxx

[Willow1414 in reply to happytulip]

Happy tulip

So sad to read this , what a horrible person he was .

Some one come along when you least expect . Just love yourself .

🦋❤️

[lupi123 in reply to happytulip]

OMG! Im so sorry,i had to reply thats so sad! I live with my gorgeoul,little doggie dont know what i would do without her,i'm in my 50s young at heart and i've enjoyed life to the full in the past when able,im a long term lupus sufferer,had three strokes wich left me sight impared and though i have an x boyfriend in my life with no live in arrangement i still feel alone and grateful! Not exactly what anyone whants!

I'm lucky as i have a few fab friends that help and amazing family but i cant help feelimg that my illnes has given me this lonely life!!

[LalSD]

Hello Comeonpeeps, I really hope you find someone who will love you, unless you are in it only to date . Dating is fun. Exciting. Please do remember, not everyone understand our illness. Because most of the time, we all look ok until we get very ill. When I tell people 'I have lupus' they look at me and say 'but you look great'. That makes me laugh but sad at same the time. I usually ask men to do their research and if possible ask a doctor about lupus. I gave up my search after Christmas 19 after a broken heart. However I like the idea of disability dating, I could recommend it my daughter who has connective tissue disease/lupus, my beautiful girl who is giving up hope finding someone.

I do agree with happytulip, I wish we were not labelled as 'disabled'. I lost men because of lupus. The moment I tell them about lupus, they all say, sorry, they can not commit with someone who has long term illness(as if they have a guarantee for tomorrow themselves :)). I always thought I could not take responsibility of another ill person given I am already looking after two including myself.

Just remember to look after your heart. Because stress or unhappiness can trigger a flare.

I send you love and wish you the best,

xL

P.S. We can not wait to hear how it goes...

[svfarmer]

I met my partner on the internet and we’ve been together 5 years - don’t think you need to mention lupus until you really click with someone- good luck xx

[LalSD]

I was thinking, I wonder if we can set up a zoom meeting to meet each other. ONLY for those of us who are willing. OK its not the best dating option but we could perhaps meet at 'ZOOM online' to support each other? I wonder if Paul would agree? Paul or someone else could moderate? What do we think? If it does not generate interest, we dont do it again?

[Kevin53 in reply to LalSD]

What an excellent idea. Paul has been a wolf. Now he could be Cupid. Let’s see his reaction tomorrow! LUK is looking at lots of virtual options. Best wishes Kevin

[happytulip in reply to LalSD]

Love to. It could be fun. Images of the Lupus UK version of "The Ranganation" comes to mind, but that's my crazy mind!!😂

[Paul_Howard Partner LUPUS UK in reply to LalSD]

Hi LalSD ,

Apologies for the delay in seeing this - I've had a busy week and haven't been able to spend as much time keeping up on here as I'd have liked.

We're currently trying to get some digital peer-support group meetings and events set up. Due to the loss of fundraising income, we're initially trying to get some external funding support to help us and we're just waiting on responses to applications from potential funders.

We're keen to help our regional support groups stay in touch with one-another throughout social distancing and shielding. We could certainly run a session for the HealthUnlocked Community too. I'll let you know when we have more news on this.

[LalSD in reply to Paul_Howard]

Thank you so much Paul. This is brilliant news. I also joined a virtual coffee at 'Frazzled' where Ruby Wax was leading with internal moderators on mental illness managing the small groups and we just said few lines 'I am frazzled because xxxxx'. and discussed more in detail among our small groups about the issues we faced.

Thank you so much assuring us that there are talks and potential plans on this sort of activity. Looking forward to.

With very best,

L

[Chris21]

I met my husband 46yrs ago on a dating website, wasn’t keen on him but thought oh well it’s a night out. Neither of us had any illness, we’ve been married 44years, he’s had a liver transplant and triple by pass, I’ve been up and down with lupus and sjogrens. Basically you never know what’s going to happen in life, so go and enjoy yourself 😉

[Chris21]

Hi ickybicky and newby12, it was a website called dateline, not sure if they are still up and running these days. Think it was about £8 to join. I would get 2 or 3 calls a day! 😂

[Chris21 in reply to Chris21]

Thinking about it, it wasn’t actually online, I had to fill out a very long form with lots of information and then it was telephone calls. I only had a computer at work! That’s brain fog for you 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Comeonpeeps]

Hi everyone, talking about Brain Fog - I created the post and totally forgot about it!

So, I have dipped in and out of online dating for years and decided every time that I didn't want a relationship! I'm actiually now thinking about it, but....last year I met up with a guy at the pub and the date was going so well, I made the mistake of mentioning Lupus and he seemed OK with it, he was talking about his Fibromyalgia and we discovered that we shared the same symptoms. He was even discussing what he's like to cook for me one day! I told him about my severe sun sensitivity etc. The next day he told me that he'd met someone else!

I just keep thinking who would want a relationship with someone with sun sensitivity as severe as mine (see my last post) who can't tolerate being outside for two minutes let alone go on holiday?

That's why I want to find someone in the same boat or someone with similar who understands.

[Comeonpeeps]

I was on Match last year but had no luck even not mentioning Lupus. How does the disability match thing work then? Do you fill out a questionaire? I can't remember doing that when I joined! Would it show on my profile?

[TheJBird]

Hi there,

I was very worried about all the things you’ve mentioned too.

I am happy to say I met someone brilliant and we have now got engaged in lockdown whilst shielding! Just goes to show there are some brilliant people out there who will love you for you.

You deserve someone amazing and if they can’t understand you then they’re not worth your time.

I know it’s scary but get yourself out there and be confident in who you are illness or no illness!

Good luck XX

[Comeonpeeps in reply to TheJBird]

Oh that's a lovely story TheJBird. Thank you, I'm going to try putting myself out there and be positive!

"I was very worried about all the things you've mentioned too" what do you mean? TheJBird

XX