I need Relationship advice😊

[ijeasike]

Hello Everyone

I have not be so active lately. I need advice, I am 33yrs old and I have not been in a relationship for 7yrs now. During my 1st lupus relapse my Consultant told me that the 2 things that is should avoid getting me stressed is Finance and relationships.

I have stayed away from relationship because I have been out of it for so long, that i dnt understand how things work anymore. I really dread and am scared of relationship because I try to avoid tension and confrontation.

So i have meet a guy and we get on ok. I have also told him of my health conditions and how i can't handle any tension from him or my family.

So we chat on whatsapp during the day and around 4pm he called and I spoke with him, but i had to tell him I will call him back so i could sort out a few things, like dinner , buy my aunt's ticket. So it took me about an hour to call him back.

When i called him, he was upset that i told him I was busy but that he could see that i was online chatting with someone else. I tried to explain to him what I was doing but he was still dragging on to it. So i called him back and told him ,"I can't handle tension , confrontation and stress. I can't walk on egg shells round him because I just can't do it. I need to be able to trust him and him trust me. I can't be in a relationship that stresses or tenses me. I made sure that he listened to me and I made it clear that i can't and won't walk on egg shells when we speak on the phone. Or panic about missing a call.

I need ur advice. I dnt know how relationship work in present town. But i refuse to be tensed because a relationship.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Regards

Ijeasike xx

[overnighthearingloss]

Maybe the time of year is increasing your feelings of need for a relationship. Either way, if you can feel tension at this early stage it's probably better to not immerse yourself fully in a relationship but to remain as friends.

[Penguintaz]

It can be difficult as any relationship, romantic or other wise can cause some tension. It could be you worry about what to get them as a present or it could be a disagreement on personal beliefs. My point being no relationship is stress free- sadly.

It was kinda nice that he wanted to talk to you so much he was upset you had to be busy BUT I assume (hope I'm not about to make an ass outta you and me..) he is about the same age as you and so should be old enough to understand that sometimes people need to do things and get on with their day.

Just go at your own pace, make it clear to any suiters about your condition and that you want to keep things as stress free as possible. If that means no realtionship for a while then that's what you'll have to do. But don't push people away just because you worry about how stressful it'll be, you'll end up stressing yourself out too much!! If it helps my boyfriend is a very relaxed person, sometimes this causes me stress as I am mainly in charge of organising but he is super helpful in calming me down, he always supports me and relaxes me with his personality as I am a bit more of an anxious person

[ijeasike in reply to Penguintaz]

😂

[Kevin53]

Strangely enough some stress can be positive if the friendship leads to happy outcomes for the two of you. You’ve both been open with each other....”one small step at a time” Best wishes Kevin

[ijeasike in reply to Kevin53]

Thanks

[Hardy1]

Hi it appears to me that you're constant pursuit to avoid stress and tension is giving you stress and tension. Just relax if he turns out to be understanding of you and your lifestyle then great if not...NEXT!

[ijeasike in reply to Hardy1]

🤣🤣🤣

[field]

I say listen to your intuition and the voice in your head thats telling u something is not right. We often come unstuck in relationships because we ignore or fail to listen to ourself at the outset. The fact that u r asking the question tells me u already know something is not right. U need to trust yourself. U desreve someone who will trust u, listen to u and support u, not stress u out.

[ijeasike in reply to field]

Thanks

[Shorthouse]

Probably a controller don’t bother.x

[miccika1]

That guy does sound too sensitive. Hope you dropped him.

[ijeasike]

Hahaha! I sure have