If it rains, it pours.

[eescvc]

Diagnosed with UCTD in January.

Moved into our first proper home in March.

Fiancé of 8 years left me in May.

My health has declined massively. I currently work full time, but it's becoming a major problem. I now live alone and can barely look after myself, my partner helped with housework, transport, everything. I cannot drive, I am having to bus and walk to work. I'm coming home at the end of the day and falling asleep until morning. I have lost 3 stone in 2 months. I'm terrified of the future. I can't afford to work less; I can barely afford to pay my rent and bills since my ex left me. And I feel like I'm losing everything all at once.

What can I do?

[whisperit]

Aeeiii, I don't know. Sometimes it just sucks. You are far from being alone in your predicament, although it probably doesn't feel like that just now. Do tell people how bad you feel. You might find that your real friends will be willing to pop in and share some of those difficult times or odd jobs that feel too much. Even having someone make you a cup of tea once in a while can make a difference. Your doctors need to hear that you need more help from them. Your rheumy nurses might know of volunteer support - or at least lend a sympathetic ear? Treat yourself in small (or large) ways whenever you can - if you fancy some Green and Black butterscotch chocolate, have some Green and Black butterscotch chocolate. If you fancy wearing a 3 Wolf moon teeshirt all day long, do (for the amazing effects these T shirts can have, see the reviews on amazon). Keep posting here. Nothing stays the same. XXX

[AgedCrone]

Enquire if you can get some sort of financial Benefit so that you can maybe work less hours.The CAB are very helpful in directing you in the right direction for this.

[Chanpreet_Walia LUPUS UK]

Hi eescvc,

Are there any family members or friends who may be willing to help you? Perhaps, have a colleague drop you home if going the same way? If you haven’t yet read our blog article on ‘managing fatigue’, click here to read it now lupusuk.org.uk/managing-fat...

Losing a large amount of weight in a short period of time can be detrimental to your health, have you discussed this with your doctor? We published a blog article on ‘stress management and relaxation’ which I hope you will find useful: lupusuk.org.uk/stress-manag... - meditating even 10 minutes a day can really boost your mood and reduce stress.

If you would like information on benefits such as PIP, ESA and Disability Living Allowance please email me at [e-mail]

If you need information about lupus and employment, including information about your rights and what support services are available, we have two booklets that you can read and download at lupusuk.org.uk/working-with.... If you need physical copies sent to you, please email me with your name and address.

Wishing you all the best.

[maye1]

Perhaps the first step is to see your doctor - tell him/her how you’re feeling. There are different treatment options - for the disease - there are always more options and your doctor should also be able to assist you with how to go about cutting back at work. Like Whisperit said - this is temporary. I know it must not feel that way but it will get better. Go see your doctor.

(I believe you posted once that you don’t have much help from family and I can relate and it makes it a lot harder but there are other options)

[eescvc]

Thanks everyone, I was having a particularly tough day when I wrote this. In the month that my partner has left I haven't done any housework and every evening I promised myself I would is it. Then got home sat on the sofa and fell asleep.

Tonight I am determined to get it done. My family come over on Sunday to help but I have been reluctant to actually let then and instead have been hosting them for lunch. I'll have to let them whip the hoover round again like the original plan.

I've seen my GP lots recently and they're just waiting to see how I feel as time goes on. Think the stress of losing an 8 year long partner, friend and carer has knocked me completely.

But I've also realised I'm better off on my own not being made to feel guilty for being ill. Things will get better I just need to learn new routines and coping mechanisms that don't rely on someone else. I'll get there 😊