Feeling a little better

Hi iv been feeling so low and lonely a lot lately

Iv always had sever depression but just last year was diagnosed with eupd

I was put on quarto pine sorry think yjats how it's spelt I have horrible mood swings

And feel fat and ugly let alone useless

I'm a single mum age 42 with a 13 year daughter

Just last year we were homeless on the streets we were put in temp accommodation

I ended a 25 year relation ship with my daughters very violent father

He would beat me black and blue and finally I'm free as of 4 years ago

The reason I'm writing to everyone is that

Iv lost my way in life I don't know who I am any more things are just feeling really horrible you see I have no friends no family that want to know me

He slatted me over social media and I lost my temper with certain people that sagged me of and today it's just me and my daughter alone and my pets whom I love dearly so I know I'm lucky to have such an amazing daughter but I'm scared that I will never ever find anyone that will want me again let alone trust a man not that I'm looking but I miss being told every thing will be ok

Being held being loved and wanted u don't think I have ever been loved or wanted just used beaten and turned up on

I'm not feeling sorry for my self I just want to know is there any one else in my situation

My illness will certainly stop me having friends let alone finding someone to love me

I lost family coz of my eupd they don't understand it at sll I miss my family so much but it's my fault they all hate me

As for my pip being stopped last week I will contest it it don't make no sense to me

I'm on more tablets now then b4 and now they said coz I had eye contact with them I looked better

But that was s stupid lame thing to say

Anyway I'm off now

4 Replies

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  • Hi Betty1975,

    Have you had a referral to a counsellor or psychotherapist who you can talk to about your concerns? If not you may find it helpful to discuss the possibility of this with your GP or consultant.

    You may also want to consider going along to a lupus support group meeting? It will offer you a chance to chat to other people with lupus who will be able to understand some of your experiences. You can find your nearest group at lupusuk.org.uk/regional-gro...

  • Hi yes I have but find it not easy

    I do go to my gp app and he's very good but only have a limed time to talk and thank u I will look into the info u gave

  • Do you have a cpn Betty? They can be a great support for the emotional side of illnesses. Hoping you are feeling a little better soon x

  • I'd agree with Lupiknits - see if you can find a decent CPN or support worker who can help with ideas about moving forward.

    Try to remember that you have done a brilliant thing in getting away from a violent man. It must have been really tough, but both you and your daughter will do so much better out of that situation. You have also been a good role model in showing her that if she finds herself in a similar situation in the future, she doesn't have to put up with being hurt.

    And please don't forget that your struggles with depression and poor self esteem are not down to you being a weak person - they come from the experience of being treated badly in the past. That's not the person you are!

    Have you been able to contact other women who've experienced domestic abuse? Finding people who have been through the same kind of rubbish that you've had to put up with might also be a help? Some Women's Aid groups do courses on self esteem and confidence, but just somewhere to go and chat might be good? Mx

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