I woke up with absolutely no energy at all I could barely lift my head. I just feel so sick when I walk my legs are so shaky my hands are so shaky. I drink coffee to try to help not helping I really have to talk to my doctor about this is making me so depressed I have just never felt this way. I don't have anybody to talk to about this because I can't talk to my mother about it because she gets really sad I can't talk to my fiance about it because he gets really sad I don't have any friends none that I'm close to you since I've gotten sick. Feel like complaining about it just makes other people said it makes other people feel the pain that I feel and I don't want my love ones to feel the same pain that I feel not they could anyway nobody understands it maybe some of you do. I know that some of you do feel the same way I'm only diagnosed with SLE lupus I don't know if there's more to it I hear a lot of people saying that they're diagnosed with several different things and I think I've only been diagnosed since Christmas Eve they're still running tests on me so they don't know everything yet I have an appointment on the 27th so in about 10 more days I could talk to my doctor I even feel bad telling him how bad I feel I'm just so sick of complaining I'm sick of hearing myself complain I know everybody else is sick of it too. It's like everything hurts all the way down to my toes everything and I don't even think I can explain it the right way my whole GI system is all messed up I can't eat any food and drink like a quarter of a protein shake yesterday I lost 20 pounds in 30 days which was okay I wasn't underweight to begin with I needed to lose weight this isn't the right way to lose it this isn't healthy I just can't stomach any food I feel so sick to my stomach and I don't know if anybody else feels that way with this that my tenants hurt and my muscles hurt and I just feel like a worthless complaining person who is just constantly sick I feel like I'm never optimistic like everyone says that you should be I thought this flare up there would be like a downtime to it you know at some point but it's just gotten worse and worse I went to a family reunion out of town I got really sick there and then we had to drive home and now it's two days after that and I'm trying to recoup from it but I just feel terrible OK rant done had to sit in my car and cry away from everybody to do these rants
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