I felt good for 1 day yay WTH was that a smack in the face.I thought it was in remission for a day SMH

[Julietsmombless2015]

This is honestly the worse ever .I would've rather not felt good for a day or 2. I got a kidney infection and then it just came back with a vengeance of hell .Now I can't even think make ad's... I sell jewelry it took me 10 hrs to make 10 ads really it use to take 7 min an ad.But sense I cannot think of normal words a 1st grader can spell my typing is much slower..I kept spelling surrounding "cirrounding" not only once that was 1 of the worse.Because I did it like 4 times in a row.I already lost my physical health now my mind.This is BS I see all these lazy people and I wish I could just be them .They want to lay in bed all day why didn't they get this ?Why someone with ambition and a want to live and do things and be someone.I use to feel on top of the world. Now I feel like I am climbing out of a mud hole and someone pours more water down it the moment I go to step up.I'm getting colder and colder and I have a serious piss poor attitude about everything.I was sad now I'm just enraged.I feel so mad I could breath fire.I want to just scream there has to be enough people with this where they can make somehting that doesn't take months or yrs some say to work plaquenil 2 months it has done nothing if anything I'm worse than I was.Bleeding ulcers kidney stone and infection and my head feels like its in a vise grip...I cant talk to anyone or complain so its just bottling up why complain it wont help it people see already look at me like they feel bad.I dont want that ..I liked being the person to have things and work and go forward in life.Now its just like paused.I litteraly am stuck at home for days on end because of the pain in my feet and ankles I cant freakin walk some days.I know ,I know it could always be worse I know that but ef this dieases I'm so sick of it sick to my stomach its all I can think about because its all i feel agony!I feel like 1 of those weird gothic people who wine about everything and say the world is a cold shell blah blah blah but thats not me or it was not. I use to be happy and make everyone around me laugh now I just have this stern look about myself.And I hate to be asked "how do you feel?Now I say"just great thats why I'm sitting here with a murderess looking stare.

[wendlebury]

Oh no, I too felt "normal" last month for a day or two. I'm not as bad as you but all I can say is be kind to yourself, you didn't ask to get this and being so hard on yourself is probably going to make it worse. I found gentle yoga a help with a few minutes of relaxation but the class doesn't run any more however I try to have a few quiet minutes to reflect now and again, even if it's just in the bath.

I was guilty of beating myself up about anything that went wrong with things even if I knew there was nothing to I did that made it happen, other people's problems, things on the news, the weather! I was a big bottler up of things, I don't moan about things but I do try to talk to myself and be a bit more rational about it. I once read that people like me would always put themselves last, having the burnt toast or the tea with the last drops of milk but that nobody notices and so now and then I have the biggest piece of cake! I hope you can manage to put your needs first sometimes and get through the swimming in treacle xxx

[Julietsmombless2015 in reply to wendlebury]

I have a daughter 11 month old and she keeps me going.I cant lay in bed ever.Which is a good thing I think motivation somehting I have to do.Even when I have kidney stones on top of all of this .I still sit with her in her room on the floor and play with all of her toys with her.I sometimes have tears streaming down my face out of pain I feel bad because she notices and she walks up to me me and puts her head on my shoulder.But I really wanted a baby and now that I have 1 no matter what I will be the beast Mom.I refuse to get admitted because I wont leave her side.I opt out after surgeries and I sign myself out to come home to her.Its very hard but when i look back on the time I would have missed in the hospital i ultimately make the right choice to stay home with her.I just really want to go into remission.Just deal with my normal stuff the kidney stones the ddd.I can live with that.This other thing just is too much.

[Janet28]

Awe Juliet bless you ☺ I don't quite know the best thing to say but just to say, like Wendlebury says, try some breathing excersize, light some candles and no it's not fair anyone to suffer more than anyone else but the harsh truth is, they do and we have to get by any ways we can.

It does make you angry but you are strong and you have to learn how to pace yourself and stop beating yourself up, it's not your fault your in pain, pain makes us angry and you have to try to get your pain under control. 

I sometimes shout & get so angry I think I'm gona have a heart attack lol so I don't know why I'm advising you, I'm probably worse.

Kidney infection is so painful and makes you feel so Ill, I had once and I don't think I got out of bed for 2 wks. You have to drink lots, then your in pain keep going loo, I remember it well.

I do hope and wish for you to have somer relief from your pain. Keep warm and rest and don't worry what anyone else says. 

Peace, Luv n light

Jan x