I have never missed work in two years

[clarelsmith]

I'm just so tired, and hurt.

I have a week of days and then a week of nights. I can't afford to go part time. If I could sleep it would help , but as we know sleeping is cheating .

Any suggestions feel inadequate. Most people cope

[MelAlice]

I'm with you there, I still work full time and have always been an energetic person doing lots of long distance walking but I'm finding I just can't do it anymore. I regularly fall asleep at lunch time. And your words are just as I feel 'most people cope'. My fella always says I expect too much from myself! Hard to change the habit of a lifetime though xx

[misty14]

Hi Clarelsmith

Sorry to read your having such a tough time. You do need to look after yourself by getting as much sleep as you can!.

Another suggestion I have is that you could go to your local citizens advice bureau who would run a benefits check to see what help you could get if you went part time at work. They would also help you claim as the forms have to be filled in in a certain way . Hope I've helped?. Take CareX

[karran12]

Hi I admire you for working full time. I am just working 26 hours and believe me that is enough. At the end of the day I am exhausted, but like you say you cannot afford not to work. I don't sleep very well, but I have came to accept this. Try to get you head down at the weekend if you are not working, even if it is just ten minutes in the chair.

Look after yourself

Karen xxx

[Silvergilt]

Oh dear :/ Tbh it sounds like you have a lot of personal expectations and you are disappointed in yourself that you aren't able to live up to them, even though they're impossible for you right now. I'm not sure who are these people who say 'sleep is cheating' or 'most cope' because neither is particularly true. If you're not sleeping, clearly you need to get more somehow (maybe discuss with GP?). I also thought I couldn't afford to stop doing full time, but it became abundantly clearly I couldn't keep going the way I was going (several hospital stays within a single year). So I had to make some life changes. They were jarring but it was the best thing I've ever done, and now I work a very gentle part-time at a pace I can manage.

Most cope? In my experience I'd change that to 'most APPEAR to cope'. Putting on the 'I'm OK' mask is a cultural expectation, but it doesn't make it true! You are not a failure for not being able to achieve the bar you've set for yourself, and it is not a failure to need to lower the bar.

Your anger is normal, you fury at your stupid body, also normal. This is a heck of a change for you, but life is change. Humanity's best skill is adaptation, and I bet you're a hell of an adapter when you need to be. Being ill has taught me how to choose which battles to fight, how to fight my corner when I need to, to find proper support when I have to, and to pursue what is best for me, not what society tells me is best. It's not easy, it's not quick, but it's infinitely healthier.

I wish you strength to get through your challenges, and wish you hope when you feel you have none.

All the best!

[Ilse70 in reply to Silvergilt]

Thank you so much for this comment.

[Ilse70]

Hi there. It is so difficult. I am off work so much or I leave early. Body just won't co operate. One of my co-workers said I must not listen to rumors and just continue to do the best I can. That is all we can do. It has been months now where I go to work and go home and get into bed. I just don't have energy for anything else. I understand when you say you can't go part time, as I am truly in the same boat. I also understand you feeling inadequate, as I feel like a disappointment. Just stay strong, believe in yourself and know that you are doing your best. Have a blessed weekend.