Major stress and flare

My symptoms have never completely settled althuogh it has been copable. I split from my husband of 13 years a couple of months ago and sadly have just lost a beloved pet. Now all the nasty stuff is back....severe headaches, muscles spasms, blurred vision and having a five minute capacity for anything. My joints are not too bad, it's all the other symptoms that I had at the onset that are flaring up including anxiety and feeling depressed. I know that stress affects Lupus but wondered how other people cope with life changes....I would hate to think that this is going to happen every time I hit a bump in life.

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  • In exactly the same position Candyellie (apart from losing a beloved pet recently - which is always awful - big hugs) - am probably going to end up homeless if the ex has his vindictive way and my niece has less than a month left to live (cancer) so totally understand how you're feeling. Divorce, however, is one of the most stressful processes to have to undergo, second only to the unexpected death of a life partner, so I don't believe you should expect a major flare "every time you hit a bump". What you're going through is huge! Through your GP you should have access to one-on-one counselling or a support group. You can always call the Samaritans to vent too - they're not only available for the suicidal. I wish you the best with your journey and please feel free to message me for moral support if you'd like. Kind regards x

  • Thank you for sharing your experience too....life can sure suck sometimes. I visited the doctor today and was given steroids to see me through until I see the consultant next week. Like a miracle....same as last time a lot of the 'nasties' have improved even on first dose. Fingers crossed I can maintain this level for a while. Hope your relationship resolves positively in the end. This one I have been married to is a nasty bit of work also and my worry was he was trying to push me into financial agreements when I was in that state.

  • Hi Candyellie

    So sorry to read of your divorce and health problems. Any problems with your circumstances contact the Citizens Advice Bureau who can help. They have a good website of info too. Good luck for your Consultant visit next week.X

  • Hi Tigerlily

    It sounds to me like you need big hugs too for what your going through!. Please contact the Citizens Advice Bureau re your divorce and possible homelessness if you haven't already. They will help sort out your situation and prefer people to seek help at an earlier stage than when they reach crisis particularly over housing!. They have a good website for info. So sorry about your neice, what a tragedy!. Hope your Lupus is behaving despite it all and good luck. X

  • Thanks for the hugs, advice, sympathy for my poor niece and luck Misty - all gratefully received! In fact I have a solicitor (decree nisi was granted last week) and the ex is injuncted until August. I'm also being referred to a support group so have taken as many steps as possible to protect myself. However, the stress of divorce thus far has made me so ill I've developed cardiac problems (currently under investigation) - and we've not yet begun financial proceedings! So far as my local Council is concerned, they've said the best they could do is put me in bed and breakfast but warned I'll likely be there 3+ years and that my 3 cats would need to be rehomed (the thought of either is utterly appalling)! Apart from SLE, my spine is trashed and right arm virtually useless. No idea how I would cope with the logistics of any kind of move! Hoping I can remain in the former matrimonial home but ex is already pushing hard for it to be sold and one just never knows with judges. Some can be incredibly harsh and uncaring. All I can say is there will never be another marriage! Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

  • Hi Tigerlily

    So feeling for you at this terribly stressful time!. No wonder you've developed cardiac problems, good luck for the tests, hope you get good news. You shouldn't be the one who has to move , good luck with it all. X

  • Thanks Misty and same to you x

  • 13 years must be the deciding number. My divorce was after 13 years of marriage. I'm not sure that there is a way to prevent the flares. There seems to be no way to prevent multiple stressors from showing up at the same time. There are introverts and extroverts. I believe that people who internalize are more likely to "suffer". There are also different personality types. A driven person might be more likely to "suffer" flares. I, myself, do not see any good way to NOT be anxious when my body is doing weird things I don't understand.

  • hi, life changes can affect your lupus. i changed my career when i was diagnosed and moved area which was stressful and i was left with flares and general feeling of unwellness. the thing to do is take it step by step when recovering and be good to yourself !!

  • Hi sabine....your right of course. Now that my lovely Misty has passed I need to focus on getting me well. I'm still learning how this illness affects me and my limitations. I struggle to ask for help also. I guess eventually I will learn how much stress is too much for me.

  • Hi Candyellie, My thoughts are with you. A marital split and a bereavement are hard to bear for absolutely anyone, so you were bound to get a flare of the disease. The depression is the frustrating bit as it stops you from thinking clearly and putting it all into perspective and then the body starts to play up!! Sometimes you just hsve to give in to sle to come out the other side. I do get how you worry about Bumps in life, thats been my biggest concern in recent years, now i give myself markers in my mind.... was that as bad as that, if the answers no I think oh well I've been through worse and then i seem to settle better. If you believe in Luck comes in 3s, youve had your 3 bad now, so your 3 good will be round the corner. Thinking of you x ☺

  • Thank you for your kind thoughts. Looking back over my life I have been through worse but didnt have this then. I guess my main worry was.....panic....darn is this going to happen at every stress episode. I do hope that you are right about the three good :-) the fact that I feel some improvement tonight is a plus for sure. Taking a positive from this....life is a learning curve and I am still learning about my sle. Time to try and relax now and get well again.

  • So sorry Candyellie for your losses.I don't deal with traumatic stresses well at all,so I cant really give any good vice, just support.I have an ill elderly 17 yr old cat who goes to the vet Wednesday, and I am hoping he can be helped as he hasnt been able ti poo and feels he has some fluid buildup, but other then that he is eating, (very well), and enjoys his dog buddies company.When I get get extremely stressed my body goes haywire.when my last dog lassed from acute sudden onset kidney failure, I swear I was thrown into this hiddeous 6-8 week flare that also involved severe stomach cramping and diarrhea. That had happened to me about 3 other times when extremely stressed.I am sure the stomach cramping was a side product of some sorts from Lupus.Rest, but walking at your own pace, if possible, helps me.As does meditation, spirituality. I am NOT religious, but find great comfort praying to Infant Jesus of Prague, or Holy Spirit.I feel they always help and comfort me, and I also feel they are non denominational, so ANYONE can meditate to them.But regardless of ho,what, or if you believe in anything, meditation gives you time to yourself, and time to find peace, which helps us heal..xx

  • Starbright, I will keep you and your little cat in my thoughts and prayers. I am resting and limiting what I do....trying to give my body and mind time to recover. Oh I get the stomach cramping too....and I only get it when I am flaring. Thank goodness for this site...I have learned so much and particularly all the input on how others cope. Take care x

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