Well, I had a breakdown! Ugh! Trying to be strong by myself with no support from family. My husband deals with it by running away and spending time with his friends every weekend. Which, he probably should. I have no life. I just cut all my hair off because I have been trying to stay strong all this time, and even though I tried ginger shampoo for several months, my pink itchy scalp got the better of me. Now, I want to cry.
I think I cut it all off because I just want people to realize I am not ok. That things in the inside scare me, and I am tired of doing it alone. I told my husband last night that I am afraid of dying, and particularly when I can't catch my breath and have to work hard at catching my breath. This isn't one day. The breathing has been going on for awhile. And all I get from drs when I say this.... is a breathing test. No one noticed that my CO2 was a little high end in my blood work but me. If its not in the range, you're fine. Come back in 3 months. I have been getting a lot of heart palpitations, looking like a ghost- so I take an iron pill.
I have gone to doctors for the past two years. They all say I am fine through bloodwork findings. I have been sacrificing my entire life for everyone around me by not doing things I want to do, and I am tired of it.
I am just plain tired of trying to be the strong one all the time!
Thanks for listening....